Stuff in Writing Tips should be advice or specific questions about the story, like dialogue problems or something. If you would like to get people to review this, try posting in "Will Review for Food" which is a subforum in The Lounge.
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Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
