.

.

Snakeman must die. Amazing how you can make someone hate a character so instantly. The dancer.... that was interesting. I'm wondering where this'll lead and what it means? Can't wait. Getting more interesting by the chapter.

On the dancer:

He looked over and saw her—the woman from his dreams.

...
...
...

"Uh, thanks..." his voice quivered. "Do I, um, do I know you from somewhere?"

...

...

...

"Have we seen her before?"

But you just said it was the woman from his dream!


Maybe describe what she looks like instead, and make that description similar to the one given in his dream. Then have him kicking himself over how she looks familiar, but how he just can't put his finger on where he saw her.

OR... if he's not really confused as to where he last saw her, but by why he had a dream about her and then sees her, then it's fine, but it took me a few minutes to arrive to that possible conclusion. Perhaps I'm being slow? Either way, I suggest a slight re-write. Meaning, don't tear it down and start over, but change how you word things a bit.

But what about the town and the church? What happened? Will we get a chanse to find out later? Maybe same thing, different place?

Lots of questions. No dropping this before we get some answers. :p