Frozen In Time

Enblematic poetry is poetry written in the shape of what it's talking about. Take a wild guess what shape my poem is in.

[pre]A picture can
freeze a moment in time to
preserve it for an eter-
nity. People years f-
rom now can gaze on
the memories that we-
re to be pres erved and
know that this moment was pivo-
tal in creating an individual.[/pre]

Oh, I like the poem, but I don't see it...

Flemzo wrote:Enblematic poetry is poetry written in the shape of what it's talking about. Take a wild guess what shape my poem is in.

[pre]A picture can
freeze a moment in time to
preserve it for an eter-
nity. People ages f-
rom now can gaze on
the memories that we-
re to be pres erved and
know that this moment was pivo-
tal in creating an individual.[/pre]

Hi Sorry to quote the whole entire thing but i found the structure to be confusing because it made the poem harder to read. The poem was vague not to be mean or anything but it was complicated and cliche. Well not trying to be rude.

Sorry to be so harsh.
SimonCowellLuver

People ages f-
rom now

The word "ages" threw me off. Maybe if you said years?

I like it, but I think I would like it more if it said something more unique or original. The structure does make it difficult to read, so it doesn't have flows in the gap, but of course, it is enblematic.

That's really all I can think to say.

I say it looks like an egg with a little line above it...

But that doesn't fit with the poem.

The poem itself was good. I liked it. but I wonder what it is...?

-Jared

I actually saw the shape of this poem in two ways. The first, before I even read it or the note before it, I was just a square block of text with a hole in the middle. And in correlation with the title, it seemed pretty cool to me, like there was this space that kept an image, and everything around it was pushed away as it kept going.

But then I read the poem and saw the "can" in the first line, and realized that it was indeed supposed to be a camera. I have to admit; I liked better the first impression I had

I know that words are broken up over lines to make the right edge of a square for the camera, but I found myself liking the broken-up words, especially in light of the fact that it's kind of one continued, almost stream of, thought. They seemed to carry well from one line to the next.

freeze a moment in time to
preserve it for an eter-
nity.

My only qualm is with these lines above. I've heard them, with all too little variation, literally a million times before. And beginning like this is detrimental to the rest of what you have to say. And "preserve" was used twice in the poem as a whole, so it sounds a little awkward.

I like how the second "sentence" was kind of stretched out. And I like how it ended so matter-of-fact-ly.

Hahaha... we love Safari. If this a square of text that has a hole in it so that it looks like a camera, I can't see it. I'll blame Safari, my lovely internet browser. At the moment, it doesn't look like anything.

Hi Zo!

I like this. To start I saw a ring of text, you know, and I thought it was cute, and considering your title I could see how it worked. Having it as a camera is even better, means a lot and makes sense.

"ages" did catch me a slight bit. But I love the disconnected words. Mainly because the disconnected feel turns into one of overall clarity - and I may be reading too much into this - but I think it works well in a "here" turning into "then" type thing, where there's always more clarity when you look back on an event, than when you're in that event itself.

Well, yes. I like this, the only issue comes in that one word. As Suz says, "years" would work. ^^

Nice work.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

I liked this. I thought it was a camera and I'm glad I'm not the only one. Unfortunately, there are a lot of limitations when posting on the web, but if you didn't, use Courier New or a like font on your computer. That way, all letters will be equally sized.

Anyhow, what I like about this is that it's different. There's too much sameness, and your poem breaks through that mold. I didn't have issues with reading it, and I love this type of poetry.

I also didn't see it as cliche, or non-original as a few did. But for me, cliche and non-original usually means "I can't believe he dumped me" poetry. What you did here is take a common concept, then present it in a new fashion.

So nice job.

Thanks for the crits, guys! I tweaked a couple of things (so hopefully everyone can see the image now).

It's nice. I think I saw the meaning. The circle in the middle was supposed to be the thing that is frozen and the words are the time or it's a camera. But I can totally understand the poem.