"ROSES"

Roses

Like satin on the fingertips,
Wet with dew,
Like a lovers sweet sweat,
After you have coaxed
the last gasp
from their lips.

And when the petals of roses open,
they bursts apart like
a finely tuned instrument
persuaded into that sweet, high tune,
that only the most skilled
can accomplish.

And I wonder if
A violin
Feels the same rapture
I do
When the concerto vivace is finished,
And lies finished on the floor

****

NOTE: Thanks everyone for the reviews!

My favorite line is "Like a lovers sweet sweat," It's just kinda neat to say.

The poem right now sounds broken in parts. For instance, the first three lines in the first stanza work really well, but the last three don't fit. Try to keep to the same style in the entire stanza.

But, I really liked the transformation from what I expected to be something about a lover to a violin. The comparison between the two is done really well, and you finish off the poem in such a way that it made me read it again. Plus, the trailing ending works really well since it actually made me stop and reflect upon the poem.

Overall, I liked it.

Thanks. It is kind of unfinished at the moment.

A problem I have is writing a poem and I know it's unfinished... but I don't want to do anything to it. When I set down the pen on a poem, it's done. For better or for worse.

So... better or worse?

I like this a lot. The first two stanzas are magic. I also really like what you are saying in the third stanza, however it does feel a bit disjointed. Maybe you could re - write it so it feels a little smoother without the two word lines, the only reason I'm saying this is you build up such a great flow in the first two stanza's. This is just my opinion, hope it is useful.

i could have sworn i commented on this already but i guess not

it borders on the 'mushy icky romantic' type of poem that makes me cringe but is elegantly written enough not to fall completely into it. I can't decide whether the first stanzas are melodramatic or not...hmm..maybe a bit, but I rather like them, even though I don't like this sort of poem at all normally.

the last few lines were the best part, they are a strong conclusion, the sort that linger in your head for the rest of the day at odd moments. overall, good job.

finely tuned, not finally tuned...at least, I think that's what you mean. Right babe? This is a really...hot poem. The first stanza gives me an incredible shiver at the thought of coaxing a gasp from a lover's lips. SO sexy. It could be mushy, but it reads much more erotic to me (maybe because I have sex on the brain 24-7). Beautiful work dear, but then, I am a little biased...

Thanks everyone. I'm glad you liked it.

I know what you mean about not wanting to touch a piece once its finished...its kind of like painting, I guess. Dont want to ruin things! I'm trying to get out of that naughty habit though because how will I ever make things better?! But there are times when I really wonder if it helps to rewrite trillions of times...
I really liked this poem, although I did feel there were some bits that could use a bit of tweaking.

Like satin on the fingertips,
Wet with dew,
Like a lovers sweet sweat,
After you have coaxed
the last gasp
from their lips.

Sorry to be contrarywise but personally I dont like the "sweet sweat" part. I mean, the concept is good, but the alliteration spoils it a bit for me. Just my two cents though. This is a great verse, especially the first line.

And when the petals of roses open,
they bursts apart like
a finally tuned instrument
persuaded into that sweet, high tune,
that only the most skilled
can accomplish.

I love this verse; especially the first three lines, they're great. I'd do something with the forth line though, maybe change "sweet" - otherwise its perfect.

And I wonder if
A violin
Feels the same rapture
I do
When the concerto vivace is finished,
And lies finished on the floor

This is an awesome verse, some great imagery, but it needs the most work in my opinion. The raw material is there but I think the two-word lines need to go, and perhaps you could change one of the "finished" words to something else? The repetition detracts from the overall effect.
Otherwise, a great poem. One of my faves

Bootiful. Really nice flow, great images and diction. And the line breaks didn't seem like random choices, as this style of poetry often does.

overall, i really liked it! great imagery, and i loved the line about a lover's sweet sweat.

the only thing that sounded not so good was 'coaxed the last gasp'. sorta difficult to read.

I really like this wondrous poem.I am wonderingis this song of your heart?

I love poems about roses. No acception here!. Amazing, and I aggree with nate on the favorite line. However I love the

"And I wonder if
A violin
Feels the same rapture
I do
When the concerto vivace is finished,
And lies finished on the floor "

because it makes you wonder, as it was stated in the very first line. Marvelous. Love love lovely!

The title made me think of "Roses" by Outkast. And that was completely random.

I agree with everyone else. This is an AWESOME poem.

I'm quite surprised that this is still getting reviews. Thanks everyone. Can you believe that I couldn't even remember writing this?

And for clarification, I do not play violin, I play piano. It's just the the Concerto Vivace (Bach) is one of my favorite pieces of music and I wanted to convey that. It just wouldn't be the same if I talked about the piano.

But I've always LOVED the violin... =)