Finding Atlantis (Prologue)

JabberHut · 2007-08-05T20:43:01Z

It's kinda long for a prologue, so it may just end up being chapter 1. I made it a prologue, though, because the next part will be years later when the characters are older. Any thoughts on that will be appreciated as well as open critiques. Enjoy! (if possible XD ) Forward “Nana, I can’t let him see her.” “But, m’lady, there’s no way to hide your daughter without him knowing,” the plump woman replied, whispering frantically. “Her life is in danger as it is,” the Lady of the Palace snapped under her breath. Her sparkling green eyes lowered to the babe in her arms, her red curls falling around her face. The young girl lay asleep, her mouth hanging slightly open, her hands curled into tight fists. She had a soft patch of hair atop her head as red as her mother’s. “M’lady, your husband knew you were pregnant. He knows he has a child,” Nana whispered back, trying to knock some sense into her Lady. However, she ignored her Lady’s gaze and smoothed out the blue covers atop the bed, her hands in need of something to do. “He doesn’t know that she’s alive,” the Lady replied. She looked up into Nana’s horrified face when Nana stopped fixing the already smoothed-out covers. “I know what he’ll do, and I won’t let him. She’s this kingdom’s only chance—” “You’re still in power, m’lady!” Nana interrupted. The Lady flushed at the disruption, but ignored her. Nana regretted even speaking and retied the ribbons around the drapes of the bed to keep them aside. “But he has taken most of my power from me,” the Lady said bitterly. Her whispering soon increased in volume to a steady, cold voice. “I can do nothing. However, I can set my daughter a safe future so she may save my people—” “Save your people from her father?” Nana whispered with shock, stopping her busied hands once again to stare at her Lady. “No girl could do such a thing! We are already looked down upon by men; we do not need to cause any more trouble for our future Lady. Please excuse me, m’lady, but no young girl would ever have the mind to do an act such as that.” “Nana! You could look after her!” the Lady whispered excitedly. Nana’s mouth dropped open for a few moments before walking away from the golden bed post to the window. She started to untie the drapes when the Lady continued. “You’ve looked after me all my life! I can trust you to look after my daughter!” “But, m’lady, I…” Nana hesitated, turning uneasily to face her Lady, closing the drapes of the window behind her. The moonlight was gone, leaving only the candles around the walls to light up the room. “Please, Nana,” the Lady pleaded, adjusting the babe against her silked-covered breast as she readjusted herself upon the pillows behind her. “She will just be another young lady of the palace like her cousins.” “And her parents?” Nana squeaked, her soft brown eyes glittering with worry. “There’s no way to hide the future Lady, m’lady, please forgive me. She will be found—” “She will be found when she is found,” the Lady replied firmly. She looked down to her sleeping daughter who yawned, making a tiny squeak, and stretched her little arms above her head. Her tiny eyelids slid open and green emeralds shined up at the Lady. The Lady smiled weakly, her own eyes watering. “I can’t keep her with me.” “I can’t protect her all by myself, m’lady,” Nana begged as she hurried to her Lady’s side once again, trying to convince the Lady to not do this. “He will surely be suspicious when he finds me caring for one lone child.” “Nana,” the Lady said with a sigh, looking to the pale face of her nurse, “Please—” “Your Majesty?” a high, soft voice sounded. The Lady and Nana looked up quickly, both pale. There stood the Lady’s seven-year-old niece, Autumn, dressed in a pink-silk nightgown, peering up with her dark brown eyes through her brown bangs, looking at the little baby in her aunt’s arms, expressionless. The Lady instinctively held the babe closer to her breast, her green eyes on little Autumn. “What is it, dear?” the Lady said quietly, her voice shaking slightly. Autumn entered the room fully, closing the door behind her, her eyes still on the baby girl. “Is that—?” “What do you want, Autumn?” the Lady interrupted, covering the baby with the blankets nervously. Nana scurried over to Autumn and made to turn the girl around and leave, but Autumn wouldn’t move. She took a few slow steps toward her aunt’s bed when Nana stood in front of the girl and quickly said, “No, dear, your aunt needs her rest.” “I want to see,” Autumn said firmly and gently pulled her sleeved arm out of Nana’s grasp. Nana was frozen on the spot, watching with terror as the young girl walked up to the side of the bed. The Lady panicked, scooting away from the girl’s reach, despite the difficulty under the smoothed-out blankets. Autumn stopped and only stared with her wide dark eyes at the young baby. “What’s her name?” The Lady didn’t reply. Her green eyes were filled with fear as she watched her niece’s steady brown ones. The baby smiled, waving her fists energetically, giggling, not knowing what was going on around her. “M’lady,” Autumn said calmly, “what is her name?” “Why do you wish to know, dear?” the Lady asked, failing to keep her shaking voice steady. “She is my cousin,” Autumn replied. “Do I have no right to know my cousin’s name?” “Your cousin…” the Lady muttered. Autumn didn’t reply, her eyes drawing the queen’s fearful gaze. Nana whimpered, but no one paid any mind to the terrified nurse just feet away. “Is she not my cousin?” Autumn asked calmly. The Lady took a long moment, trying to ignore her fearful thoughts. She may have thought of a plan, but Autumn would have to cooperate. It was risky, the Lady knew. Could she trust Autumn? “Autumn,” the Lady’s quivering voice finally stated. The young girl’s brow shot up as her aunt made to start conversation, showing her attention was drawn to her aunt’s words. The Lady straightened a little, but her green eyes were still fixed on her niece. “Autumn…she’s not your cousin.” Autumn’s small brow shot up even further, looking with interest at her aunt. “She’s not?” Autumn repeated. “No…” the Lady removed the blankets so the young seven-year-old girl could see the wide emerald-green eyes examine her surroundings, smiling and giggling excitedly. “She’s not your cousin,” the Lady repeated, “she’s your sister.” Autumn didn’t look at the young baby, but looked up at her aunt, her brow disappearing behind her bangs. Nana gasped at the last statement her Lady made, but dared not make another sound. “I do hope you’ll explain, m’lady,” Autumn said as calmly as she had been. “I want you to keep a close eye on her, Autumn,” the Lady said, regaining her composure, seeing her niece was perfectly harmless. “Nana will watch over you and raise my daughter, or your sister, in this case, while you make sure your sister is out of harm’s way—” “You mean my uncle?” Autumn stated. The Lady paled, but nodded. Autumn held her aunt’s gaze for a moment longer before saying, “I can do that.” The Lady smiled and hugged her baby daughter excitedly who giggled even more. “Thank you, Autumn. You will be repaid, I assure you.” Autumn didn’t reply. Her brown eyes fell on the baby girl who was now her sister, rather than her cousin. Her eyes showed as if she knew what was happening, and the Lady wondered if perhaps she did. She was a strange young girl, but it didn’t matter. As long as Autumn kept her promise to stay with her sister, the Lady had nothing to worry about. Nana now looked as if she wanted to run far away from this madness. “M’lady,” Nana squeaked. The Lady looked up as Nana cleared her throat to speak again. “M’lady, I can’t do that! I can’t work with…work with…” her eyes wandered to Autumn who watched the baby in the Lady’s arms. “You’ll be fine, Nana,” the Lady assured. She was about to explain further when her baby reached a hand out to Autumn, continuing to open and close her little fist, as if wanting to hold something that was out of her reach. The Lady panicked suddenly as Autumn lifted her own hand and reached out to the baby. “No!” The Lady squealed, jerking her daughter out of Autumn’s reach. Autumn froze, her brown eyes still on the baby. The babe started to cry and bang her fists from the sudden rush. “Shh, shh,” the Lady calmed, rocking her daughter in her arms. Autumn lowered her hand to her side, her steady eyes still on the baby. The Lady looked to her niece as her baby started to quiet down and became distracted with the blue and golden canopy above the bed. “You cannot touch her,” the Lady said sternly, her voice now shaking again. Autumn’s gaze shifted to her aunt once again, but did not reply. “I said, don’t touch her,” the Lady said, her voice growing, then went pale as a knock sounded on the door and a voice called from outside. “M’lady, His Majesty is on his way up.” “Thank you, Felicia!” the Lady called hurriedly, her arms starting to shake. Nana squealed and rushed to her Lady’s side as she held out the baby to Nana. “Take her to Autumn’s room and there you can start to care for her. I will speak to Autumn’s mother in the morning. Go!” Nana nodded over and over as her Lady spoke orders to her. When her Lady commanded, Nana bustled toward the door. Autumn stood, staring up at her aunt. “Go, Autumn!” the Lady panicked, her green eyes now staring fearfully again. “What’s her name?” “Go help Nana, Autumn—” “What’s her name?” “Go—” “Ah, my dear Katherine!” The Lady looked up, regaining her composure as her husband stood in the doorway with a crooked smile. She smiled back, saying, “Oh, my dear husband! Such a sight for sore eyes!” “Hello there, Lady Autumn,” his majesty greeted respectfully, his blue-gray eyes shifting to the young seven-year-old who now stared back with her steady gaze. “Paying a visit to your aunt, I see. Beat me to see my own child!” “Autumn, go help Nana,” the Lady said firmly. “Yes, m’lady,” Autumn said calmly and, with a slight bow to her aunt and uncle, left the room, the Lord stepping aside to let her leave. He looked up at the Lady again with his crooked smile as the door closed. “You bore my son a few weeks ago?” The Lady swallowed the lump in her throat and took a deep breath as he slowly walked towards her. “My son?” the Lord encouraged, then his brow furrowed, his smile faded. “It wasn’t a girl, was it?” he asked sternly. “It doesn’t matter,” the Lady answered almost too quickly. The Lord stopped by the side of her bed, staring down at his wife. The Lady begun to cry as the thought of losing her daughter erupted in her mind. Tears flowed down her cheeks. The Lord sat on the side of the bed and took one of the Lady’s hands, kissing her fingers. “So the first child failed,” he stated and the Lady looked up at him, confused. He smiled his crooked smile again. “We can always try again,” he said softly and leaned over, kissing her on her red-rose lips long and hard. The Lady could only put her arms around his neck and obey his will, like she was forced to since their marriage --------------------------------------------------------- There ya have it. Comments appreciated! :D

Rag-Dolly

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Sat Jan 05, 2008 4:41 pm

Rag-Dolly says... · Sat Jan 05, 2008 4:41 pm

The story's pretty interesting so far. I don't have any critique on it ^^; Although you do need a full stop at the end of your very last sentence, but that's about it I believe.

What is the price of a life,
When a life has a price?

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JabberHut

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Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:00 pm

JabberHut says... · Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:00 pm

Oh, thanks for the reviews, guys! They're most appreciated! ^_^

flytodreams: Thanks for catching those typos. ^_^

Rieda: Thanks a lot (long time no see!) for catching that. I'll go back and change it.

Twit: Ah, you're right. I having some issues with that

Kylan: Oh, thanks so much for your crit. It helps a lot. I've definitely fixed some of it, though the edited version is not posted. You're a wonderful person. ^_^

Squallz: I'm glad you've enjoyed the idea. It is somewhat an introduction to characters, but every first chapter/prologue is, isn't it? Whatever, lol. I do appreciate your comments, though. I'll take a look at it. ^_^

Kyte: Thanks for your guidance. I'll look into that as well.

Mantis: Yes, I'm afraid you'll have to wait and find out. :wink:

Nutty: Wow, thanks! I'm glad you really liked it. The next chapter is available if you're interested, lol. :wink:

Rag-Dolly: Thanks for catching that. It was probably a mistake when I copy/pasted it here. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. Like I said before, next chapter is available. ^_^

Thanks again, everyone. Your crits are always welcome, and more are as well. ^_^ Chapters 1-5 are up if you feel compelled to read.

Jabber, the One and Only!

I make my own policies.

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BigBadBear

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Sat Mar 01, 2008 3:14 am

BigBadBear says... · Sat Mar 01, 2008 3:14 am

Oh, wow, Jabber. You said I would be crying because of how bad it was. Well, I feel like crying because I wish I could meet the soon-to-be famous author! Wow, Jabber. This was amazing! It really lured me in, (MSN, remember?) and it didn't dissapoint me.

I love all of it. I saw one grammar mistake, but I'm much too lazy to go and find it again. XD

Wonderful, Jabber! I wish I could offer suggestions, but I can't. This was too amazing.

-Jared

Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.

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