It Was You

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It's a place I can hardly remember,
But a place I would like to be,
A dream that I once had,
A hope I can't just imagine.
Everything I hate,
Is looking like everything I love,
Pleasure and delight--
Are bleeding through sadness.
A new event takes place--
Discarding the original.
All that is old,
Now converted and transformed.
I take a look around--
Resulting in confusion.
It's like someone has come and replanted;
Making things fresh and new.

I can't help but wonder.
How did all this happen and when?

Then you tap me on my shoulder,
I turned around and then I see,
How could I have not realized,
That all along it was you?
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




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i wrote this poem @ some 2am so if it doesnt make a lot of sense,then you'll know why:-)
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




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Its actually pretty good - especially for a 2am-poem lol (I know what those can be like...[shudders] I wish they all turned out so well hehehe). It reminds me of this sone I really like - I think its called "Deliver Me" or something. I heard it on a TV ad :oops: But anyway my point being that I really like the poem as well. Just one thing, "I turned around and then I see" should be "I turn around and then I see", to keep with the present tense. Otherwise, great job. I like the concept and the sentiment behind this one.
Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)




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good for one of those early morning poems.ROFL!I really liked it!Good Job!




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In this quote specifically, but all throught I think there are tense errors.

Chevy wrote:
Then you tap me on my shoulder,
I turned around and then I see,


The first line is present tense, the you toss in turned which makes the second line past tense till you say see. You should try to have your verbs agree in the same stanza. Other than that it was a pretty good poem. I thought some of it was very random, but you said you wrote it at 2am so I can see random really.
We keep waiting on the World to stop but it won't slow down and we'll never catch up... - Grey Holiday

We're making Fiction of our lives, Burning pages as we write... - Kids In the Way




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I really enjoyed the poem. Sometimes things aren't meant to make sense; especially at two am. However, this was really well thought out and I liked it a lot!!!



The shame of being a man - is there any better reason to write?
— Gilles Deleuze