help

help
is this a reasonable start to the beginning of a 2000 work story based on Shakespeare's sonnet


His eyes, so perfectly bright and lovely, never look at me. They’re always flittering and gliding over some lucky stranger who oozes femininity.
He, being the object of my affections, so graceful and talented in the art of bewitching any such person who would gaze in his direction.

Don't you mean "He, being the object of my affection, is so graceful and talented..."?

And it looks good to me, but then again that's because I assume you mean "word story and not "work story" which makes no sense to me. =P It might help if you told us which sonnet the story is being based on, or is there only one? (My lack of knowledge on the matter is exactly why my opinion might not be helpful =P)

I don't think this was posted in the right place... I'll get a Mod to move it.

~Azila~