Trickster

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A/N Very, very first draft. With that said, murder away! :twisted:


She was lucky, being in jail. She was warm and dry. Outside was cold and wet. The ground wouldn’t take anymore water, making the roads flood. She leaned her head back as she heard someone open the door to the jail. The floods weren’t new. They happened every ten years or so. One of the reasons buildings were built a foot above the ground was because of past mistakes concerning them. She sighed and closed her eyes, stretching before resting her arms on her lap again. Imagine. Loyal to a taboo god, and they reward you. Made perfect sense. They put her in jail to punish her. It only made sense that it would end up a reward. He was, after all, the god of tricks.

She heard her cell door open and smirked, not opening her eyes.

“Took your time.” She said, hearing Sar’s step.

“Sorry. Had to find a boat.”

“Ha.” She said, getting up and stretching, looking him up and down. “I take it back. You look like someone threw you in lake.”

He nodded, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

“Something like that. Coming?”

She answered by coming to him.

“Did you find him? Where’d you get the keys?”

He smirked. “Where do you think? Trickster’s waiting for us on the hill.”

“On the hill? That’s incredible.”

“Yeah, who’s talking? Never mind. Let’s just go.”

Her leg sank well past the ankle in the water, and she grimaced. She was still wearing her dry-time sandals. They didn’t have a reason to give her the water wood platforms, seeing as she wouldn’t be going out until after the floods. Sar laughed at her as they pushed their way through the water.

“Where are they all?” she asked, looking around, mainly to change the subject to something less laughable.

“How am I supposed to know? Ask Trickster. He’s the god.”

“Hmm.”

There weren’t any people about. Even the animals seam to have hidden away. It was so empty and… strange.


They trudged up the hill, not an easy task as the mud seamed intent on sliding away under their feet. Finally, they reached the top of the hill and looked around.

“So.” She said, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. “Where is he?”

“Right behind you.” someone whispered in her ear. She jumped and spun around to see a man standing with one arm behind his back and the other extended towards her, a goofy grin on his face. “Trickster, at your service as he deems fit.”

“Err…” she said, looking at his hand, “Hi.” He didn’t look like a god.

The man put both hands on his hips and sized the pair of them up, then blinked when a raindrop hit his face.

“This is annoying.” He said, stopping the rain from falling on the three of them.

Okay, maybe he was more than a normal guy. But he still didn’t look like a god.

“Where are your green eyes?” She asked, “Or your black hair? All I see is another Grassman from the valley.”

He smirked.

“A Grassman from the valley that can stop rain?” he asked. If she didn’t know any better, she’d have to say he was amused. At her. Her fingers twitched, and the man’s eyes flew to them, then to her face, smiling. “I take it you’re Kal?”

She nodded.

“Well, you already know who I am, but…”

The ground flew away from her and she squawked, dangling upside down in the air. She looked to her left to see Sar in the same situation, eyes wide. An instant later they were on their feet again, and an instant after that, they were sitting down, dizzy. Kal looked up at the smirking man.

“Okay.” She said, slowly standing when the world stopped shifting. He offered his hand again, and she took it, allowing him to help her and Sar up.

“So. Any doubts?”

She looked back to the spot where she had been dangling and puffed out her cheeks.

“Okay,” she said again, “I’m a believer.”

“‘Not a trace of doubt in my mind.’” He sang.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just a silly tune. What about you? You a believer?” he asked, pointing to Sar.

Sar held his hands up and took a couple steps back.

“Man, I’ve been a believer.” He said.

“Good.” He said, looking around. “I’m not a particular fan of the setting, though. Let’s change.”

Kal blinked and she was surrounded by black with white specks. For a moment, she thought she had blacked out, but then she saw the Trickster, leaning against one of the floating white specks.

“You like? Not mine. This is what I guess you could call a portal. Every one of these dots leads to someplace new, and never to the same place and time twice. Your friend got a little side tracked.” He said, looking up. She followed his gaze, only to feel her legs fly from under her again. Instead of turning upside down, however, she looked down to see she was sitting on a speck. She looked up again to see Sar clinging to a white speck as he drifted down. She had to laugh. Sar never had been one for heights. When he came to a halt, he peered over the edge of the dot he was on and quickly shut his eyes. The Trickster rolled his, and Sar was floating away from his dot.

“Ahhhhhh…” Sar said, eyes still closed.

“Relax, Sar. It goes on forever. It’s up to you as to whether or not you fall through it. Kal here was standing on it a few minutes ago. Get a hold of yourself.” The Trickster said, putting him back on his dot and turning back to Kal.

“Here’s what I want the two of you to do. I want you to help me pull a trick.”

Sar’s eyes popped open and Kal’s brightened as she sat straighter.

The Trickster gestured to the speck he was leaning against.

“This portal will open to a specific time and place on my world shortly. I want you to go through and find this girl.” and image flashed in their minds. “Her name is Anastasia. I want you to pull her through the portal and bring her back here.”

“How do we get back through?” Sar asked.

“When you use a portal to travel to another world or realm, it follows you. If you need it, it’s there. So, when you have the girl, come back through the portal. It always leads back here. They all do. I’ll take it from there. Got it all? Or would you rather go back to your flood?”

“I got it.” Kal said, grinning. Sar nodded, smiling at the opportunity to pull a trick with the Trickster.

“Great. In you go.” He said, and the world flashed white.
Necropolis SB / Necropolis DT

Once was Dreamer, is now LowKey_Lyesmith.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.




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Interesting... Certainly unique, it all depends on where you go with this.
She leaned her head back as she heard someone open the door to the jail.
A weird line. You use "jail" in twice in a short period of time, and later on you use the "opens the door to the cell", which renders this redundant. I'd say "as she heard someone come down the hallway to her cell

“I take it back. You look like someone threw you in lake.”

Just a thought, but I think it's cleverer if you say I'd take it back, meaning the boat. Or, just delete it.

“This is annoying.” He said, stopping the rain from falling on the three of them.

[s]Okay, maybe he was more than a normal guy. But he still didn’t look like a god.[/s]
Strike out the second sentence. I liked how the rain reference was so subtle, not enough to get it on the first read, but strange sounding enough to make you stop and digest. Thats what you want. The second sentence is redundant, and a little stupid. What kind of "more then a normal guy" can stop rain?

“‘Not a trace.... of doubt in my mind.’” He sang.

She, you tripped me up here, because i knew the song, but it actually goes Not a trace do do do do of doubt in my mind, and I had trouble putting it together.

The Trickster rolled his, and Sar was floating away from his dot.
I don't think eyes were implied there. Perhaps Trickster can snap his fingers.

“This portal will open to a specific time and place on my world shortly. I want you to go through and find this girl.” and image flashed in their minds. “Her name is Anastasia. I want you to pull her through the portal and bring her back here.”
Here is your only real plot hole at this point. Given the nature of the characters, they ought to at least question why Trickster cannot perform this task himself. Now, this might eb a major part of the plot, so Trickster can simply say, "It's not important", or make up a snappy answer. But it's suspicious to leave that issue untouched.

“Great. In you go.” He said, and the world flashed white.

Clarify this. Just say "they put their hands through, and the portal world flashed white..."

Good for a first draft. Just make sure that you explain at some point some of your loose ends. Why was she in jail?, Why was it flooding?, How did they find out about trickster?, ect.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost

It cost $7 million to build the Titanic, and $200 million to make a film about it.
The plastic ties on the end of shoelaces are called aglets




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Ahoy Dreamer! *waves*

Her leg sank well past the ankle in the water, and she grimaced. She was still wearing her dry-time sandals. They didn’t have a reason to give her the water wood platforms, seeing as she wouldn’t be going out until after the floods. Sar laughed at her as they pushed their way through the water.

I was a bit confused about this -- is she still in the prison or did they leave?

They trudged up the hill, not an easy task as the mud seamed intent

Seemed*

“So.”

"So,"*

“This is annoying.”

Another instance where you need a comma instead of a period. The speech tags are part of the sentence, and the only time you don't put a comma when followed by speech tags is when it's a question or an exclamation. *kicks English grammar* It's werid, I know.

You've got a couple more instances like that, so I'll let you find them rather than pointing them out myself.

and image flashed in their minds

An* image

Anyway, I don't like how it interrupts the speech. I'd move it to the end, like "bring her back here," the Trickster said as an image of the girl flashed through their minds. Something to that effect, see?

“When you use a portal to travel to another world or realm, it follows you. If you need it, it’s there.

Hooray for deus ex machina, eh? ;)

This is... interesting. I'm not sure what general comments I have at this point. It'll be interesting to see where it goes, and then I can get a better feel for this and complain like the complainer I am. [/pride]

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