Emo (Revised)

Cutter, Freak, Sicko. Words, Insults, and Labels. My friends and I have to live with this names everyday because we're what people would call "emo". They think we're freaks who always wear black and cut themselves, but that's not true. We don't all wear black. We don't all cut ourselves. Emo really means some with an extreme in any emotion. People with anger issues are Emo along with Euphoric people. But they don't see them as emo so we cutters get the brunt of the jokes.

I know some people out there don't see the harm in making fun of us. They don't realize how those words hurt us more than they think. I can't tell you how many times I'll go home at night and carve the names people call me into my arm. I'm not talking about a gentle scrape. I'm refering to taking a pair of scissors and hacking into my arm. best friend in the world nearly killed herself because some fucking idiot constantly tortured her everyday about cutting herself. It got to the point where she didn't want to come to school. Because of that god damn idiot she almost shot herself with her dad's rifle.We emo's are already on the edge as it is.

We don't need some idiot to mock us. What we really need is someone to take the time to get to know us and help us. We cut ourselves for a lot of reasons. But the most common is that we have no one to rely upon or talk to about our problems thus creating the depression we become trapped into and bury us even deeper into our emotions. If someone would just take the time to think about us and just talk to us, ask us how we're doing or ask us to do something with us you just might save a life. Really, that's how bad it is. One word could kill us or help us.

You no thats so true
i have some emo friends
there really just peolpe who react to things on a more emotional level
anyone who makes fun of them are hypocrits and ass holes

Argh, I hate it when people complain about being called emo, and then call themselves emo. Does that make sense to you? Not trying to insult you...

So basically, I had a hard time reading this because, let's face it, you're %100 right. So I may have started crying. Just a tad. What this looks like is a page of my diary. Ehh, you remind me too much of me. Besides the self-labeling, I mean.
But if you label yourself, it's a little hard for others not to do the same. Maybe they think that's what you prefer.

Just a thought.

Mad Hatter --

This is a major improvement upon the piece I read before. Instead of making me annoyed and frustrated, it opened my eyes somewhat. It now resembles a piece of decent writing that may have a future in the published world.

There is still room for improvement, however. Take out the cussing. This is a powerful piece as is; it doesn't need profanity to boost it. In fact, the cussing takes away its power. The first time you used 'idiot', it stuck out because of the contrast from the rest of the piece, and added to the effect. However, the second time you used it was too much and it detracted from the power. I would suggest using the word idiot only once. The second time it's used is the most effective, in my opinion, and so that is the one I would suggest keeping.

And then, the nit-piks:

best friend in the world nearly killed herself because...

Capital 'B'.

Other than that, this was much better, and had so much more power than the previous version.

My friends and I have to live with this names everyday because we're what people would call "emo".

we have no one to rely upon or talk to about our problems

Can you spot the hypocrisy?

Mr MadHatter, I've read through your works to see if they're all as emo as this, they are...

I'm sad to see that a writer such as yourself is so self-obsessed, it's an irony that a poet does not take the time to look around and write about the world around him, my advice to you is to seriously broaden your view.

From what I understand you're sick of people being big bad meanies but the truth is

that's life

It's beautiful that life is so unpredictable but I really reccommend that you really just think about how trivial these problems are, other people have seen worse, personally, I've dealt with an abusive father, addictions and 'love' and sometimes those things suck, but I still smile for the sake of it.

As for your persuasive piece:

Cutter, Freak, Sicko. Words, Insults, and Labels.

Fantastic, using listing techniques, the first three are words with significantly shocking connotations. using 'words, insults and labels' after was good too, pointing out that those sick images we got from those words weren't true descriptions of an emo, in the end they're just words insults and labels.

The second paragragh wasn't that great, I suppose it's use of graphic images was too weird or not weird enough, I don't think it was that powerful. Your use of the phrase 'fucking idiots' was the sort of thing I'd expect a angsty, stupid teenager to say, not something that belongs in this kind of piece.

The third paragraph wasn't interesting either, sorry to say, I'm afraid the ultimatum of 'one word could help us or kill us' was a bit extreme, that's not true, don't exaggurate.

I think somethings you should consider to improve this piece would be:

- Rhetorical Questions
- Imperatives
- Relate the problem to the reader more, it'd be a more effective piece then

Good luck on future writings

MadHatter --

What are you trying to achieve with this? Since you quarreled with Gwen, all you've written is pretty lame stuff. I'm sorry to say, but this is pointless and navel-gazing.
All you are doing here is talking about yourself. Why should we care? Sure, people who insult others for being "emo" are jerks, but you need to present this idea in a way that can make the reader relate and sympathize with you. To be honest, all I felt when reading was contempt.

I have nothing against emos. But it just makes me disgusted when they complain about people teasing them for being emo, and then calling themselves emo!
See, you've said all this stuff about how your friend almost killed herself (riiiight...) and then your custom title is 'The Official YWS emo'. Yeah. As if.

Also, Gwen showed me the photo of you. You were wearing a t-shirt - your arms were bare. There was no cuts or scars. So I really, really hope you didn't write this because you were in a bad mood or because you want attention. You didn't look emo at all - no cuts, no scars; you said you 'carved' someone's name into your arm. Yeah right. It doesn't seem like it.

I hope you aren't getting the impression from this critique that I dislike emo people, because that's not true. I know I sound very harsh, but I honestly don't have anything nice to say.

You complain about labels, yet this whole piece is a big label of emo. It's kind of like, "Don't you dare mock emo people! My friend will shoot herself!"

I'm sad to say that I don't think this can be salvaged. If it could, I would have tried to be helpful instead of writing this mean review.

I have nothing against emos. But it just makes me disgusted when they complain about people teasing them for being emo, and then calling themselves emo!

i agree it so doesn't make sense that people give themselves this title and then become offended when people call them emos.

your either an emo or your not and it isn't anybody elses choice to call you that.

I think some things you have said are a bit drastic (no offence)

But they don't see them as emo so we cutters get the brunt of the jokes.

you mentioned at the start you don't like to be called these things and then you call yourself a cutter. I can see what you are trying to say but you shouldn't call yourself the names people call you or that means you are accepting the name.


Fairy:)

The writing itself has improved and you're getting your point across clearer with more force, but I have to nitpick on the subject. I had somethign to do with emo, but I disguised it with comedy, because that's me.

I find that there's two kinds of 'emo'...heck... I hate the word. It just brands people with a label like cattle. I'll use emotionally unstable. There's two types for me, the true emotionally unstable people, and the pretenders.

The true people are men and women who have fallen into life's cesspit through no fault of their own, and they try to crawl out, but they cannot. The pretenders are those that think they have fallen, and revel in it. But they have not fallen. I hate the latter with a passion.

The true people don't call themselves 'emo'; the pretenders, however, do. And sometimes, although it may be unfair, it isn't up to other people to pick up the shards of your life, it's up to you. After all, why should people lend a hand, if you don't get off your backside and reach out?

Alright... firstly, this is crap, and I agree with every point made in all the negative reviews. (yes, I read through them) Oh, especially Fantasyartist.

Secondly...

Derek_Fantasy wrote:You no thats so true
i have some emo friends
there really just peolpe who react to things on a more emotional level
anyone who makes fun of them are hypocrits and ass holes

LOL. LOL LOL LOL. No, they're fooling themselves. They're attention grabbers, martyrs in their own mind, and those with a hugely messed up perspective. I should have every "reason" to be one of these people, but due to my better perspective, i.e., life doesn't suck, you idiot, get up and face the "horrible things"/minor discomforts.

And don't say I don't have a right to say that, I know from experience.

Thankfully, I got over being "emo" around when I got over Eragon. XD

Mad, this would be much better if you took this from a neutral view, and got rid of the hypocrisy. Still though, 'emo' is not a good subject.

Back on topic, please.

I see...
Well you seem sad. This peace of writing isn't very good. What do you want us to do?
You make emotional people seem helpless and poor.
If you know that it is wrong to cut things into your arm then why do you do it?
You could just write them all down.
I think this would be something that you would write in your blog. Its generally just your emotions and thoughts so...
I remember you telling me "I was emo before you stuck your fat head into my life" Well as Ayra mentioned you had no scars in the picture and you seemed perfectly happy before I came around.
You have no reason to be mad. By calling yourself "The official YWS emo" you are basically asking for us to call you emo. It doesn't matter what other people say. Just ignore them. If you can't do that then I would seriously consider seeking some medical help or even go to rehab or something.
By writing this all down you are making us feel bad for something we have not done.
You might even urge a few thousand more people into emotional states like yourself with this and as I look back at all the rude things you have said to me I feel sad and abused. Calling someone emo is one thing yet calling someone a b***h is another.
Keep thinking.


[No cursing, please. ~ Snoink]

Sorry Snoik. I though since he cursed, we could as well. Oops. I will remember for next time.

Okay. This is a really tough topic, and it is hard to work with, so let me give it a shot.

First, and don't take this the wrong way:if this is autobiographical in any way get help. If people are giving your friend (or you) a hard time, tell someone (eg: a teacher). It sounds like the cowards way out, tattling to an adult, but it's not. Honestly. If you're not comfortable talking to someone in person, there are hotlines and whatever else.

*deep breath*

Now on to the writing itself.

First off: make those capitals lowercase! Only capitalize proper nouns and the beginnings of sentences.

Second, 'cause I'm not really great shakes at grammar: this really fails to inspire any emotion in me. I think I see where you're going with it, but it's too self-centered. I think making it third-person would help, and giving it an actual plot. Instead of mentioning in passing that the narrator's friend wanted to kill herself, you could make that the plot as told fro the narrator's point of view watching as his friend seemingly self destructs and the narrator follows down a similar path. I know there are really excellent YA books about self injury and suicide, but unfortunately none come to mind or I would give you some recommendations.

What happens with this is that it gets really preachy. I think you could take that preachy-ness and self-centered-ness and give it to a character who would be fleshed out in other ways. Instead of it coming off as you, the author, being this way it would make your character that way. I understand the impulse to self-insert, but that doesn't make it right. As this stands, it could be a very interesting plot outline or vague idea about a story ... it does not feel like a finished work.

(Finally, "emo" used to mean "emotional" but has since taken on different connotations as "fashion statement" and a very specific subset of "emotional" people. "Prep" hasn't always meant what it means now, for example: it used to refer to the children of yuppies who went to expensive "prep" schools, if I remember correctly. Again, I totally understand how upsetting it can be when something you identify with is bastardized, but it can't be helped.)