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Fire Alight
Chapter One

I stood silently behind the curtain on stage. My eyes were closed but I could still feel the soft breeze of the curtain as it opened. A musty smell followed it along with the audiences’ presence, burning holes into our flesh. I inhaled sharply, gripping my violin and bow. A harp offstage started strumming a lullaby, soft and steady. I cautiously opened my eyes.

I loosened my muscles and put my violin to my jaw, my arms bowed into position. Taking slow strides I arrived at center stage, soaking up my surroundings. The opening lie in front of me, like an eagle with its wings spread. It was filled with villagers holding lanterns, waiting patiently. I could see outsiders, dressed in different garb, not holding lanterns.

Drawing my bow back I took a deep breath. Moving it forward a beautiful sound came out and intertwined with the soft melody of the nearby harp. One by one the rest of my troupe joined in with the lullaby, different melodies mixing with the smell of damp soil and the warm breeze. We continued to pay along with the soft tune, smiling, enjoying the wind and smell along with our audience. We each broke apart into a slightly different timing, making the haunting song echo throughout the surrounding forest village. Taking out bows and drawing back, the troupe and I stopped at our unique flats, letting them sink into the night. Cheering arose but we had just begun.

Behind me, I knew, the troupe let their arms dangle, their instruments clasped in their hands. I took a deep breath, reviewing our finale. My bowed head finished, we were ready. I grinned, let my head slide up to its rightful position, and started to stomp a fast, steady beat. From the side a bongo started to improvise the beat I had started. I smiled again and took up my violin, playing as I went. I let my arm fly, the bow making its way across the strings. A fast folk song came out of the wooden instrument, the audience laughed and started to dance, they each knew the song well. The villagers’ voices started to rise into the night, the high song flying out of their mouths. I heard two of my group, Alana and Nika, fade out of the song, the villagers still singing and laughing. Soon after the twins, Kole and Keylee, stopped. I was alone in the fading song.

Without much notice Kola and Keylee spun out in front of me, each wielding two fans with metal frames. I played a sharp note to finish. I stepped back, still keeping the beat with my feet, behind Alana and Nika.

Kole and Keylee swiped their fans out in front of them, whipping into a spin. They stood facing each other and arched their backs. Their hands met the floor and they vaulted up into the air. They landed facing each other, smiling. Their long dresses whipped around them and they spun again. Suddenly they stopped. Together they threw their fans high up into the air. Turing they faced the audience.

Two things happened at once. First I stopped stomping the beat, the drum also abruptly cut off. Second, a flash of light flew from the twins’ outstretched palms. Flaming butterflies started streaming out of their hands, tendrils of fire sliding off their dainty wings. They flew up and circled around the spinning fans, catching the paper on fire. They swirled around them once more and disappeared with a sharp crack, leaving behind only the smell of burning parchment.

Kole and Keylee caught the metal skeletons of their fans, sweeping into a bow. Nika, Alana, and I held up our violins and bowed. The crowds cheering delayed for a moment, in awe of the butterflies that were no longer there. They shook out of their surprise as a roar ripped through the silence. The curtains blew past. Kole and Keylee, now we were finished. Together the twins turned on their heels, Nika and Alana walked to me as we started down the dusty stage steps. Behind us stage crew picked up our violins and handed them to us.

“Paw, you were awesome! The way you played alone when we all dropped out.” Alana excitedly exclaimed as she pulled out her hairsticks, letting her curly orange hair tumble down her back.

I smiled at my friend, the twins followed silently behind us, Nika ahead. Alana rolled up her sleeves to her dress, revealing her tattoos. Rectangles started at the back of her hands and made their way up to the outside of her shoulders. The boxes matched the violent shade of scarlet her eyes were. I draped my arm around her shoulders as we made our way through the crowd. People greeted us with a cheer in their voice. Their eyes sparkled as she gave us a slap on the back, congratulating us for our excellent performance.
Nika scratched her stringy black hair, “Where do you suppose the boys are?”
I grinned, remembering the rest of the troupe who couldn’t perform in the feminine dance. “Eating, where else?”

Kole and Keylee caught up to us, shaking their identical head, their silky hair swirling above their shoulders.

Alana sighed next to me, “Well, we might as well go find them.” She started to walk again; I let my arm fall from her shoulders. I watched her graceful lope for a minute, wishing I were like that. Letting my violin case swing forward I followed it to where Alana was. What I did not realize was that there were several tree roots protruding from the ground, waiting to be tripped on. My foot caught one, making me twist and fall, my case skittering across the gravel. Keylee laughed behind me.

“I don’t think the tree appreciates you tripping over it.” They said together. I grimaced at them, “Aw, shut it. You know I don’t look at my feet.”

Keylee smiled and bent down to help me up. Kole rolled her violet eyes, “Walk it off. We gotta get some food before the men devour it all.” She grinned and gave me a playful punch in the arm. After they helped me up the twins walked with Nika to catch up with a patient Alana.

I sighed, brushed myself off, fetched my violin case, and walked behind them. “Since when have our boys been men?” I wondered aloud, gazing up at the barely visible stars.

The twins turned their heads around, grinning.
Last edited by Layleun on Fri Apr 18, 2008 7:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Ooo! A story with violinists in it! Very cool. I like the description of their performance. the music and dancing is described quite well too, but i didn't get a very good feel for their setting or why they're performing. but maybe that's yet to come.

My eyes were closed but I could still feel the soft breeze of the curtain as it opened. A musty smell followed it along with the audiences’ presence, burning holes into our flesh.


The part about the curtain's soft breeze is very nice, but at first i thought the audience's presence was burning the holes in their flesh, or is it the musty smell burning the holes?

The opening lie in front of me, like an eagle with its wings spread.

nice imagery, very original

My bowed head finished, we were ready.


There should be a semi-colon there instead of the comma, methinks.

A fast folk song came out of the wooden instrument, the audience laughed and started to dance, they each knew the song well.


Same thing as above. Comma should be a semi-colon

Turing they faced the audience.


should this be "turning"?

“Paw, you were awesome! The way you played alone when we all dropped out.” Alana excitedly exclaimed as she pulled out her hairsticks, letting her curly orange hair tumble down her back.


This confused me. At first the "Paw" made me think the narrator was their father or something, but then i realized it was her name...i think?
Anyway, I'm interested to see where this dancing troupe of violinists is going, so keep it up!

~Twinflower
~*~Twinflower~*~




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I really enjoyed reading about the violinists; I could almost hear their playing. Wonderful, wonderful job.

Twinflower did the nit-picking, so there's not much for me to say about this at all. That's a *very* good thing. =] Keep an eye on your grammar and reread your posts before submitting them -- you'll catch more mistakes that way. It's a good habit to form.

The fact that it's called "The Winds of War" makes me very interested to know what violinists have to do with anything. I'll keep an eye out for chapter two!
I see no difference in race, color, religion, or sexual orientation. There are two kinds of people in the world: those who accept others unlike themselves, and those who do not.

Which are you?




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Wow! I am definitely going to keep an eye out for chapter two. Like Aisho said, the title definitely hints something interesting to come:)

There are a few little errors however, but if you just edited this thoroughly on word, it would look more polished. Showing that you care enough about your work to edit it means more people will care enough about it to review it. That said, here are the errors I found, other than the ones already pointed out:

I stood silently behind the curtain on stage. My eyes were closed but I could still feel the soft breeze of the curtain as it opened. A musty smell followed it along with the audiences’ presence, burning holes into our flesh. I inhaled sharply, gripping my violin and bow. A harp offstage started strumming a lullaby, soft and steady. I cautiously opened my eyes.


Hmmm, lots of repetition and not enough decription in this paragraph. You also need a comma after "closed". Maybe find some other term for the curtain, or describe it somehow instead of just saying: "the cutain, the curtain"?


Drawing my bow back I took a deep breath

should be something like:

"Drawing back my bow, I took a deep breath.....

The opening lie in front of me, like an eagle with its wings spread. It was filled with villagers holding lanterns, waiting patiently. I could see outsiders, dressed in different garb, not holding lanterns.

good description, like twin flower said, but.......
"lie" should be "lay". Then you say "it was filled with villagers holding lanterns" It sounds like you are saying the opening is full of villagers. Maybe replace "it" with some other imaginative term, such as theater, or wherever the setting is?


I took a deep breath, reviewing our finale. My bowed head finished, we were ready. I grinned, let my head slide up to its rightful position,


Maybe this could possibly read better as something like:
"I bowed my head and took a deep breath, reviewing our finale.......I had to read this a few times before I got this as it is.


Flaming butterflies started streaming out of their hands, tendrils of fire sliding off their dainty wings.

Wasn't expecting this! made me wonder what's to come :)

There were a few more errors, but nothing I don't think you couldn't pick out on your own. I was kind of confused as to the setting of this piece, but perhaps there's more to come?

Anyway, good job on this, I like your idea. I'll be VERY interested to see where it goes. You do need to do a little editing, and this whole thing could use some description. But other than that, good job.



Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
— Gretchen Wieners