The Divorce and my life from then on

I am a 12 year old this is a story about my parents divorce.
I was 8 years old my sister was 12 or 13 and my brother was 14 or 15. We didn't know what was happening my mom put my sister and i in the car and we drove from New berg to Tilting. We moved in with one of my mom's friends until we could find an apartment but we didn't get to see my dad we didn't know what was going on. My mom didn't explain to us. Then we moved back with my dad for a little bit and at the time my mom was dating someone and so was my dad.
My mom and I moved in with her boyfriend Mike and still my mom didn't tell me what was going on. My mom finally told me i was really sad i looked up to my brother and sister and they didn't want to live with Mike. Everyday and night i would cry because i wanted to see me dad but he started dating a person that does drugs. It was horrible.
Now I live in Donald a very small town. Neither my brother or sister lives with me it is only my mom and step dad. I am seeing my dad now but my brother's and sister's life has changed alot.
My sister dropped out of school and isn't hanging with very good people and my brother is on and off about talking to my mother. What hurts me the most is that my sister doesn't like my mom and it hurts me and probley and any other people who have sister s that say this is that my mom is a b****.
To this day i just wish i could go back in time and make it that my dad never hurt my mom and that we could all be one big family again.

This is really touching. It's kind of rough for me to read--my parents got divorced, but I was only five. For a story, this is Ok, it's in a really rough form. You're young though, so you're still learning how to write.

When you write a story, you want to show rather than tell, and here you did a whole lot of telling. Try to show us how you felt, don't tell us everything that happened. This story takes up a lot of time (from the beginning of the divorce until now) but not a lot of space with writing, you know?

If you showed us the scene where you leave your parents house, with dialog and descriptions and thoughts, it would be really good. Read your favorite books, and see, how do they tell a story? This could become really good, you just have to learn how to make it good first. ^^ Another thing you might want to watch out for is run on sentences, a lot of times you don't properly end and start your sentences, with periods and capital letters, you know? English grammar can be a bit confusing. ^_~

Something else you might want to look at is this: Writing Fiction. I bought this book when I was about your age, and it's still sitting on my self. I got a lot of good use out of it, and it helped me in so many ways.

If you have any questions or would like me to explain something more, just go ahead and PM me.

i am so sorry, that you have had to go thru all that. life is sometimes not fair. i am happy that you are writing, it helps to get things out.
if you continue to write, make sure you use puncuations to break up the sentences. but it is very good. hope things get better, and you keep on writing.

Ugh... I know how you feel and I'm sorry you had to go through this. It was written weel, but please - I exagerate this - don't block it all together. USe paragraphs and more people will feel the urge to read it.

I could give a complete crit on this, but it would take a while. I also think that perhaps it should be moved to non-fiction? It also was confusing grammatically. It was sad though :'( here are the errors I found:

I was 8 years old my sister was 12 or 13 and my brother was 14 or 15.

Maybe change to something like:
When I was eight years old,...... maybe consider moving the information about you're siblings to somewhere else, since they take away from the sentence.

We didn't know what was happening my mom put my sister and i in the car and we drove from New berg to Tilting.

Maybe: "We didn't know what was happening. My mom put my sister and myself in the car and we drove from New Berg to Tilting."

We moved in with one of my mom's friends until we could find an apartment but we didn't get to see my dad we didn't know what was going on.

should be a comma after apartment, and a "and" after dad.

My mom finally told me i was really sad i looked up to my brother and sister and they didn't want to live with Mike. Everyday and night i would cry because i wanted to see me dad but he started dating a person that does drugs. It was horrible.
Now I live in Donald a very small town. Neither my brother or sister lives with me it is only my mom and step dad. I am seeing my dad now but my brother's and sister's life has changed alot.

This whole thing gets a little bit iffy. Here is my suggestion for revising it:

" When my mom finally told me what had happened, I was really sad. I looked up to my brother and sister, and they didn't want to live with Mike. Every day and night I would cry because I wanted to see my dad, but he had started dating a person that was on drugs. It was horrible."

Now I live in Donald a very small town. Neither my brother or sister lives with me it is only my mom and step dad. I am seeing my dad now but my brother's and sister's life has changed alot.
My sister dropped out of school and isn't hanging with very good people and my brother is on and off about talking to my mother. What hurts me the most is that my sister doesn't like my mom and it hurts me and probley and any other people who have sister s that say this is that my mom is a b****.
To this day i just wish i could go back in time and make it that my dad never hurt my mom and that we could all be one big family again.

Aww. This also could be revised, though. Could be:

"Now I live in Donald, which is a very small town. Neither my brother or sister lives with me, just my mom and step dad. I sometimes see my dad now, but my sibling's life has changed a lot.

My sister dropped out of school and isn't hanging with very good people and my brother is on and off about talking to my mother. What hurts me the most is that my sister doesn't like my mom and it hurts me......" you can probably sort out the rest of the sentence.

Don't take this critique to harshly, I can relate to your feelings and you really moved me with your story. No one should have to go through something like this.

I feel so bad for you! I am so sorry. :(

I echo everyone above me. It was a little blockish.

And a way I think could capture your readers is throw in some dialog.

I like this, and again I am sorry,

-- M.B.Author

Hmm... I'm sorry, but this was cruedly written. It had a good plot, but you didn't pull off the writing of it. Show rather than tell. There was a lot of telling, and it was very annoying.

Space your paragraphs apart. That too was annoying. Also, watch your spelling and grammar. I saw quite a few mistakes.

We don't know anything about your characters. You need to develop them. Right now they're just shadows walking around, doing what you tell them too. There's a whole usergroup dedicated to Character Development, go check that out.

With some revising and editing this could be a great story. Good luck in future!

Oh, hon, that last line just hit me right in the gut. I completely get what you're saying; my parents divorced when I was about the age you are right now.

So, like Claudette, I could really understand what you're saying, but to others, who haven't had a similar experience, your grammar will obstruct your meaning. Work on showing, not telling (as has been said before), to really make this come to life for the others. Don't just make us say, "Aw, what a shame," make us sob until we can't breathe. Make our hearts ache. Show us how that little boy and his little sisters felt while their parents turned their lives upside-down.

I would especially like to see an emphasis on the feeling of wanting everything to be normal again. It's so hard to see your parents hurting each other, your siblings, you, and themselves. Really make us feel that, if you want this to be powerful. I know this can be extremely hard to write about (I've tried and failed many times to write about my parents' divorce), so you might also consider altering some of your experiences and putting them in fiction form. My mom has manic-depressive (bipolar) disorder, and in one of my more recent short stories, I was finally able to write about it by making it somebody else's mom, not mine. A lot of times it's easier to write about the things that have happened by creating characters, rather than feeling like you're "exposing" your family. That may not be the same way for you, but just a suggest.

All in all, I admire that you were able to write about it at all. Work on making it more powerful to someone who hasn't had the same experience, and you'll have an amazing piece on your hands. Keep writing!