True trickery is false(part one)
I am no hero, I am no saint, hell even antagonists would back away in revulsion from the mere mention of my name . I am a horrible drunk and a terrible smoker who would sell his own grand mother for a piece of lint. This is my story……….if your still reading this may the gods take mercy on your poor soul. I swear to you that although this story is unbelievable, ever word of it is true…..ok I lied but then again do you the reader really care, of coarse you don’t you want me to shut the hell up and get to the dam story.
It all started one evening I was just getting sober(I had been binge drinking) only the gods know how long I had been out, I was in a ally way, sitting in a puddle of…..you don’t want to know what I was sitting in, there was a broken bottle of scotch sitting next to me, my head felt like it had been hit with a semi truck , I only had the clothes on me, and some soggy cigarette. My stomach roared in hunger, I was starving. I began to walk in search of food, as I walked I saw all kinds of strange creatures, all speaking languages I could not understand, as I walked past a large group of fish like things I heard a phone ringing. I went up to the phone hoping that some speaking my language would be on the other line’
“we are sorry the number you have dilled is out of serves”
“but I wasn’t calling anyone” I said
“oh well in that case WILD DEMONIC PIGS WILL DEVOUR YOUR”
I hung up before I could finish, as I walked away from the phone I said to my self
“it really is going to be one of those days”
I walked and walked, but I finally succumbed to the hunger, I cried out to the heavens
“where can I find some food”
suddenly the ground started to Trimble a giant telephone pole erupted from the ground and a giant centipede crawled up it.
He the spoke “you can find food through that door” he point behind me
There was a big glowing neon sign that said “THAT DOOR” on it and had an arrow pointing to a door
“is that normal I asked”
the centipede just stared at me, and the finally said
“son do I look normal to you?”
No offense, but it seems very rushed and almost dream-like. IMHO lengthening this and fleshing it out with some description and genuine characterisation would do it the world of good.