Looking for an Idea – 1/16/01

Looking for an Idea – 1/16/01


I stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me. Last night I really wanted to write. This morning I have gotten all I needed, a sharp pencil, a clean sheet of paper, and a clean space to write in. Once I looked down at my clean piece of paper, I knew what I forgot; an idea.

Frustrated over my lack of success in my writing, I crumpled my paper and threw it out. I stared at it, lying in the waste basket, until I pitied the sheet of paper, and I brought it out and smoothed it till it was like new.

I knew what I needed; an idea. So I tried everything from trying to snap my fingers to using my powerful psychic powers. In the end, it was no use; I hadn’t come up with any idea.

Finally I remembered what Jack London did to get ideas, go up in the freezing north. That sounded like a good idea, so I spent thousands of dollars at REI to get all my survival gear. Then I spent thousands more getting to the arctic. Finally I would get an idea!

Once I was there, I built myself an igloo, got my sleeping bag out, and fell fast asleep. When I woke up, I felt hungry. So I took all my fishing equipment and dug a hole in the ice. My fishing was so poor there that I began to think that there wasn’t any fish in the sea.

Then this big old polar bear comes around and wants to fish in the hole I made. I didn’t have any objection to that; I was merely content watching it try to fish. Wouldn’t he be surprised when he found nothing there!

The polar bear just stood there patiently looking through the hole. In an instant, the bear drew out five seals! The bear ate all of these, but left some of the meat out. I cooked this meat and had a wonderful dinner of seal.

Soon I began to act like one of the arctic animals. I had many adventures, most of them ending with me narrowly escaping packs of arctic foxes.

Once the humans picked me up, I was hardly recognizable. I had a thick bushy beard (even if I was a girl), and sharp canine teeth.

As soon as I came home, I rushed in and shaved. After doing so, I sat down with my sharp pencil and sheet of paper. I looked at it excitedly, thinking of all the experiences I could tell.

I picked up my pencil and then threw it down. “I don’t feel like writing,” I said, and then I walked away.

Cool story, nice short read, and, of course, amusing. Only two specifics:

Your first sentence... seems a bit off to me, as if it doesn't match style-wise the rest of the story, maybe because you tell the rest of it as "I did this then I did this then I did this" as if you've already done it, and then you have this sentence and it sounds like normal narrative -- telling/showing as it happens. If that made any sense at all.
I also think the second sentence has a better hook than "I stared at the blank sheet of paper". And the content of the first sentence is repeated later in the paragraph, so it doesn't actually contain any needed information.

^ Whoa, looks like I don't like that sentence much ^

This morning I have gotten all I needed, a sharp pencil, a clean sheet of paper, and a clean space to write in.

Any particular reason why this is in present tense? Shouldn't it be in past, to match the rest of your writing?

Okay, I'm done now.

Icky. I didnt enjoy this, at all. Too much telling. I did this, then I did that, then this happened so I went and did something else.

Boring!

What are you doing snoinkles? Are you just bored now, lol, is that it? In any case, I hope your travails in the realm of first person writing improve; good luck.

a clean sheet of paper, and a clean space to write in. Once I looked down at my clean piece of paper, I knew what I forgot; an idea.

Clean, clean, clean! Did you mean to make everything so clean?

Once I was there, I built myself an igloo, got my sleeping bag out, and fell fast asleep.

This part made me laugh. XD

Then this big old polar bear comes around and wants to fish in the hole I made.

Changing to present tense for one sentence?


I do have to agree with Jiggity a bit on all the telling in the story, though I do understand that it's hard not to do, because of how you're telling the story. There are an awful lot of "I"s in this story, though, especially in the beginning.

It was cute, and I particularly enjoyed the ending. Procrastination just doesn't work.

Check out the date. I wrote this six years ago. I laughed SOOOO hard when I read it. It really is quite terrible -- though it's funny. I was a little obsessed with Jack London at the time. XD

Don't ask. I like going back in a time warp sometimes.

Ohhhhhh, so thats a date! Rather then a random collection of numbers ... lol, I didnt realise-- apologies Snoinkles, for my misunderstanding.

lol - Ok snoink this was a little pointless, didnt have that much meaning and it felt like you actually only wrote this because another idea hadn't come along.

Its a lot to be desired for but I guess is a nice pointless read for someone.

I didn't even notice the date, Snoink. My mistake. XD