Real-Life Young Love

Okay yeah I'm feeling you Izzy, first off I am not demanding any change, let the poem be. This is just feedback and information you may need for your further writing. Don't wanna use it? No problem, I'm just trying to give some helpfull notes here

Golly, I won't surrender ! gnagna

Don't worry if you start out bad, everything you do leads to improvement.

There, Claud's quote it's not there for nothing...

Cheerios, Chandni

tell you what, we shall all now back away from the evil poem, and leave the topic alone...

No seriously i thank you all for the comments because this way I might actually learn something. If I do, I salute you guys because thats more than any teachers ever done!

x frm lucy

Eh.

Gosh, I can't believe I'm doing this... really, Looby-lou, please for give me greatly for what I am about to do because I feel bad enough as it is.

Izzy, we are not going to fight about this anymore. There is no reason to fight. This is stupid, and childish. All it takes is for you (And, me being a hypocrite right now, admittedly, me too) to stop replying to what we say.

I'm going to point out errors with what you just said, only because I feel a point is trying to be made. But I would like to be clear how much I HATE doing this, and would prefer doing it through PM, but I more want to get the point to the author and to others if they see, not just you.

So, yes, before I even start, forgive me. (I feel horrible.)

1)So what if the topic is not original,if she wants to write about it let her.Why should she have to write about flying sheep or man eating robots just because other people have written about this topic first.

She can write about what ever she wants, true. So true. It is a suggestion, though, that would help one improve there writing. Her being her means she wishes to grow as a writer, and one way to do that is to be original. Cliches do not publish.

2)You can't just say it's boring or bad.You don't need to.You just say what could help the poem.

I (speaking for no one else but me), to my best ability's told her how she could improve, and help the poem, and then improve with later workings. To the best of what I can do, I helped her and in turn helped the poem.

3)Stop telling her to completely change the essence of the poem.Don't make it rhyme,tell it differently.It's her writing,she wants it to rhyme and she wants to tell it like that so get over it!

This isn't something to get over. Critiques, in there base form, are opinions and with all opinions you can take it or leave it. If she is not upset, then you do not need to argue for her. We are helping the poem and giving her our opinions on it, otherwise, if she liked it as-is should she not have posted it at all? She asked for are opinions (Which could be substituted for 'critiques' mind) and we gave them. If this was your work, I would have shut up long ago. But you are arguing for someone who is thanking us greatly! Doesn't that seem wrong?

I'm finished now. Please, will you forgive me? I know this is a horrible thing to do, I feel like I'm smudging my reputation or something... But I want to make a point because, Izzy, you are not doing anything wrong but it's not helpful to argue and you are a good critique, I would hate for you to get upset and leave the site (or something) because of this. And others need to know, otherwise, as I said, this would have only been in a PM.

Yours Sincerely,
Claudette

As has been noted before, doubtless, a piece of poetry or fiction is not an excuse or a place to debate each other's critiques. Critique the work.


Any more responses here that do not directly respond to the poem (and avoid entirely the controversy) will force me to lock the poor thing. Yes? Thanks very much.

(And Claudette - next time PM rather than reply in the topic. Admirable intent there, but in the wrong place.)



IMP

Heh. Stick to critiquing guys, and avoid critiquing critiques

Claudette ->> Turn that into an article for Squills!



looby-lou ->> Welcome to YWS! It's good to see that you're using the critiques to improve your writing, but never ever call something you wrote bad! Enjoy your own poetry/stories and keep on writing to continue improving them.

i think this poemis really well done. i like the rhyming as well.
real life really well potrayed. this poem reminds me of two someones i knew...hint^^
anyway, i love the story-telling pattern.

i enjoyed this poem just as it is...
i personally think that the rhyming was perfect because i luv wen poems rhyme
it makes it make more sense to me
i sensibaley luved it wen they met
but wen they were both sent off to differ skools i was sad
he he i cud feel like i was the gurl in this poem
great job!

I'm sure there will be some backlash, but I'm agreeing with Phorcys about the rhyming. Honestly, I stopped reading it halfway through because it didn't catch my attention.

My only suggestion, then, is to make it more engaging to the reader.

i'm not going to argue with you for what is your personal opinion no worries! If you could do something for me though, could you explain how to make it more engaging? because I understand everything everyone has said about it, but I don't really understand how to MAKE it better...

But please please read it all the way through, even if its only to use it for quotes! It really would mean a lot 2 me!

izzy, dramagurly and sohini thanks! obviously enough I have quite a lot to work on here but maybe its not a lost cause if SOMEONE liked it!

x frm lucy