i'm just starting to scratch the surface of who i might turn out to be. but i won't be able to dig any further. for as long as they lean over my shoulder, pulling me back from the finish line, and punishing me for wanting to have some semblance of self autonomy.
you drove me away from all of the places i loved... and then you got to stay. to be worshipped in the spots where we used to rule side by side. you are a goddess no more in more tortured, eternal life.
i thought you would be my forever muse, but instead you became a ghost of happy memories.
my last book of poems was written all for you. and then you took it, along with my heart and soul, and lit it aflame at the first chance you could find to let me down gently. letting me know you had never cared for me in the way that i had thought about you.
when i sometimes (always) slack at school, and when it is rarely (always) discovered by my maternal unit. (my loathsome unit that takes joy and pride from monitoring). the unit always asks (with her looks of shame) "why haven't you done this? what's wrong with you?" because she won't share in the blame of the fact that i do have a major defect in my circuitboards. but i can't dare to blame it on the manufacturer because i don't have a warranty.
at some point, school became an activity where i couldn't be bothered to care anymore. not when i know that the day will always end in me being powered down, unplugged, and locked back up in the electronics cabinet. not because i'm available. just because she cannot stand anyone else having the key to my heart.
Hi Brigadier, these poems definitely feel they're tackling a different voice / angle than your usual poetry - but there's definitely a sense of honesty and rawness with each one. Some of the themes are difficult to read because they are deeply relatable even without having gone through exactly what's being described.
The poem with the parenthesis asides is interesting in how it's utilizing almost two voices. And I like how in several of these poems you create emphasis by ending a sentence mid-line rather than having your line end in an end-stop punctuation like
you could find to let me down gently. letting me know you
^ just the fact that gently is in it's own line and then followed by a period creates so much tension in that line and gives a sense of being shaken up to me. The voice seems both bitter/angry and reflective.
I think for me my favorite stanza here is this one:
i thought you would be my forever muse, but instead you became a ghost of happy memories.
There's something about reading old NaPos that really creates all this uncomfortable dissonance with realizing people who used to be important to you have changed in some way and then what to do with the "ghost memories" can be very uncomfortable.
Enjoying reading along as I always do. <3
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
sitting here, cracking open the cold one (a can of coke)
thinking about how i used to be so much more than i am now. once upon some other time i was a smart cookie with hopes and dreams and some sort of ambition. (ambition standing in for motivation)
i wanted more for myself so i could escape my brain and all of the stories that it contains. (my brain being the eternal library of my mind)
i invite you to remember me as a lady bird. floating through the air, wings folded close on my back, majestic polka dots set upon the blood red background.
