The Writer's Task

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last mohican
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Fri Sep 22, 2006 2:06 am
last mohican says... · Fri Sep 22, 2006 2:06 am
Creatures die and countries fall

A hero fights to save it all.

Worlds begin and others end,

So many others to defend.

Creatures live and countries thrive

I am witness, I am scribe.
Last edited by last mohican on Sat Sep 23, 2006 3:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"...I have conclusively determined that you are not Hamlet, Scout Finch, Frankenstine's monster, Ms. Marple, or a golum. Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golum?"~Dustin Hoffman
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Clover Madison
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Fri Sep 22, 2006 2:15 am
Clover Madison says... · Fri Sep 22, 2006 2:15 am
I like it. do you have a title? It reminds me of history and I love history, so that's a good thing.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

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Snoink
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Fri Sep 22, 2006 3:42 am
Snoink says... · Fri Sep 22, 2006 3:42 am
Aw! I automatically love any short poem that has something to do with write. :)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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gyrfalcon
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Fri Sep 22, 2006 4:51 am
gyrfalcon says... · Fri Sep 22, 2006 4:51 am
Very cool poem, short and sweet. Last Mohican, right? Like Hawkeye?
"In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function...We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful." ~C.S. Lewis
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Kay Kay
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Fri Sep 22, 2006 7:44 pm
Kay Kay says... · Fri Sep 22, 2006 7:44 pm
I liked the poem. The only thing i saw that bugged me was that in the last two lines you stopped the rhyming which kind of throws it off. Good job though.
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Fireweed
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Fri Nov 24, 2006 3:49 am
Fireweed says... · Fri Nov 24, 2006 3:49 am
I really like it. Short and simple, but it gets it's point across very well.
Yeah. I don't really have anyhthing to say that others haven't.
Nice work.
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Pushca
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Tue Nov 28, 2006 4:04 pm
Pushca says... · Tue Nov 28, 2006 4:04 pm
i really, really suck at rhyming, so i can't offer any suggestions... but please do get the last two lines to rhyme. it really threw me. otherwise, i love it.
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lexy
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Wed Nov 29, 2006 3:16 pm
lexy says... · Wed Nov 29, 2006 3:16 pm
I liked this, mainly because it was short...

I absolutely hate the title though... lol. But I can't talk, I'm crap at title making.

Anyway,
here goes...

What I liked:

"Worlds begin and others end,

So many others to defend. "

I like your use of rhyming here,
its good.

What I didn't like:

"others"
you had this word repeated... it just jutted out a bit thats all.

I loved it.

This is going to be printed out and stuck up on my wall :D

lexy xxx
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. - Peter O'Toole
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I went to confront noisy neighbours, only to find the windows dark, stuck with two notes. The ghost, too, had "gone fishing". Something still whistled.
— Liminality