Crazy

If I Went Crazy One Day,
And Told You I Loved You
What Would You Say?
Would You Tell Me You Love Me Too,
Or Say Nothing And Run Away?
Would You Stay By My Side Through Thick And Thin,
Or Never Talk To Me Again?
Would You Love Me Til The End,
Or Would You Laugh While I Cry,
And Smile When I Die?
So...
If I Told You I Loved You
Would You Stay By My Side
Or Leave Me Here With My Knife In My Hand, A Broken Heart, And Tears In My Eyes?
Would You Care About The Blood That Stains My Eyes, From All Those Past Times You Made Me Cry?
I'm Just Wondering,
If I Told You I Loved You,
Would You Stay By My Side...
Or Leave Me Here To Die?

Wow, sort of sad huh? Was this supposed to be a free verse poem? I saw the rhymes, but I thought they were sort of in weird places. I don't see a pattern. Lines 1,3,and 5 rhyme; lines 2 and 4 rhyme. Lines 6,7, and 8 rhyme and lines 9, 10, 13, and 14 rhyme. so what's the pattern, I could be mistaken, but my language arts teacher said that every poem has to have a pattern of lines that rhyme, unless it's a free verse poem. Most of the free verse poems I've ever read don't even rhyme at all. As I said, I could be mistaken. I'm not very experienced when it comes to poems.
Other than that, I thought it was a great poem!
Congratulations on your awards! Keep writing!

$ Searria $

You Are Capitalizing Every Word. It Is Annoying. So Don't Do It. Just Don't. Because We Love Lowercase Words Too.

Yeah... so basically, capitalization usually ends up as something that starts off the sentence or is a proper noun. So whenever I see a capitalized word, I automatically emphasize it. To emphasize every single word in the poem? That's a little much.

So fix it.

Darling, I think Snoink is quite right. There is a time to capatalize and a time to cool it. Though in poetry there is commonly not too many rules as far as punctuation goes, there should always be a purpose for doing anything out of the ordinary.

And don't be so snappy. You're on this site, you're submitting work, and you will receive critique.

If you can't accept that, you might not want to be on here, dear.

As always,

Aunt Steffi

jumping_jacks 142,


You're joking, right?

I'm sorry I can't be excited about this. There's nothing new here. You will appreciate that there are a million poems about exes around here, most of them heartfelt but abysmal failures.

For a poem about this subject to work now, you have to raise the ante pretty damn high, and come with something extraordinarily fresh and illuminating that gives us new eyes about that event.

Your broken itty bitty heart, the tears, the begging for the pain to end -- all of these have two things in common: (1) they're images employed by this poem, and (2) I instantly experienced them upon finishing it.

Trash it and start over.


Best,
Brad

It's ok, but I agree with Snoink. Capitallizing every word is annoying, but if it is essential in a poem, don't listen to our comments.

RR*

This is such a good poem. U had me read this at my house last weekend. LOL..but ya i think its really good. U r such a great writer. I wish sometimes i could write like you. but im hardly ever depressed anymore..LOL..Damn Brian JK...SO ya...love ya chica
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