I contemplate the changes life has brought me just in this past year. They're visible I'm sure. But I wonder if I will ever douse this fire that still burns inside me.
Never. Not unless my memory was somehow robbed from me.
Slowly it seems my memory is deteriorating. I'm terrified that someday these memories will be gone.
These memories of you are all I have left. That's all I have for as far back as I can remember. And that's all they'll ever be. Just memories. I can't relive them as much as I try or expect to. I can't go back and change anything. As hard as I try I can't even bring myself to regret you. That's what hurts the most. Even though you are so far gone now I can never rid you from my mind. I can never rid myself of these scars.
Most can say these changes have only brought out the best in me. I'll admit I was a train wreck waiting to happen. But what if...
I hate myself for always allowing you to win. You've dominated me without the slightest effort. Even back then you knew you had control. And you're still an addiction to me. I can't bring myself to hate you. And when I think I might, I blame myself for the mistakes of the past.
It's not who you were. It's what you've become.
I'm not a statistic. Please don't call me a statistic. Because there is too much nobody knows. Nobody knows still.
Do me this one favor darlings and make something of yourselves. Do not wrap yourselves in pretty lies and petty reasons. Love doesn't have to cost you your soul.
You were false. A lie. A disease. And you're still the very complication that brings me to my knees.
