Prolouge

Hey people I have a story im writing that involves my own original characters becoming involved with gods and beings from mythology. I wrote a prologue for the story that wasn't well received and i want to know if the new one i wrote seemed interesting and how can i make it better.

Heres the old one

Spoiler

I have always wondered, who is the true creator of us gods? Is it a man or woman, or perhaps simply a concept? Is it just an existence that creates the systems that lower organisms like us become the cogs for or are we simply the cogs themselves?
Why do we truly exist? Were we created to cure its unending boredom? Are we considered its children? Does it want to usurp us and control our every action, treat us like puppets in a play or characters in a game?
No one knows the true meaning of its existence not even the most renowned, intelligent and powerful gods themselves. All they know is that they came into existence with a power far beyond all others and how they use that power is up to them.

New one

Spoiler

“Oblivion, Reality, Balance, Energy, Force, Light, Knowledge, Eternity, Dimensions, Pandemonium, the Nether, Aether, Darkness and the Elements. These components all embody the existence of the True God. With his supreme power, he is the creator of all that exists and is nonexistent.
I present thee, Lady Astrea with the title of the one true being that transcends Omnipotence. With this You shall be all, know all and control all that exists and in your place, I shall fade from existence and become the obsolete embodiment of the nothingness I once created. “
“I am your right hand, second only to you my Lord! With the absolute power that you possess, you can do anything that you desire. So, tell me why is it that you choose to relieve yourself of this power, and what purpose does giving me this power serve to fulfill?”
“With this power I present to you, create a new world in your own image and in due time you shall understand my intentions.”

Okay, first off, I'm pretty sure a prologue is usually longer. In this case, it might be better to call this a preface. Most prologues I've seen are at least a page long. This certainly seems more like a preface. This article may help you somewhat. ^^ This one might also help.

That said, I am intrigued. Barely. Although, I feel you could make this more interesting. It's a little lacking and kinda confusing. Not to mention a little cliche? Vague? I don't know, but I'm not feeling more than vaguely intrigued. You want to capture your readers' attention. Here's my prologue for @Tenyo's Last Man Standing contest as an example. I would suggest looking at the prologues of various books and thinking about how you can make this a little bit longer and a little bit more interesting.

Hope this helps!

~ Scarlett. ^^

The updated one is better than the original, but also very different and presents a plethora of new problems.

Like ScarlettFire said above, this does seem more like a preface. That is, this is an info dump. If you want to present this as a prologue, you need to introduce a character, setting, conflict, and action.

Then again, though, why would you need a prologue? In many's eyes, prologue=skippable, or if they pertain to the story at hand, it should be just Chapter 1. This is also not a chapter, if that's what you're looking at.

My main tips:

-Expand and create depth. Right now, I feel like I'm arriving at the end of a scene.

-Draw your readers in (read the article Scar linked above) which leads to my next point:

-Don't spout pointless terms at the reader. Aka don't do this --> "Oblivion, Reality, Balance, Energy, Force, Light, Knowledge, Eternity, Dimensions, Pandemonium, the Nether, Aether, Darkness and the Elements. "

-If you really want to introduce Lady Astrea, write a scene involving her. Don't info dump (read: provide exposition with no conflict, action, characters, or dialogue) who or what she is, show your reader through a fight scene where she is unstoppable.

-If you plan on doing a prologue, think: why does this pertain to my story? Why should people not skip this? What does this do to draw my readers in? Any time not delving into the story you have planned is time wasted. Prologues are just that. If they do delve into your storyarc, then it should be chapter 1.


All that being said, you have a base. I'll repeat to drive it in: This feels like I'm arriving at the end of a scene. Flesh out the beginning of that scene! Put in an action scene, put in some dramatic tension, put in something.

Don't give up and keep writing. I fully hope and expect a longer prologue from you sometime in the future (or even a Chapter 1? )

Apricity wrote an article/thread on prologues here. Rosendorn's advice on what counts as a prologue might be of particular use.

I wouldn't say get rid of the text itself because anything can be recycled, but put it in a scrapbox for later use, maybe when you come to write a blurb or a synopsis where it would fit better.