FH/FFH

because carina and soundofmind are insane lol

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Created Mon Jan 18, 2021 9:30 am

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Carina Creator

Carina Creator · Jan 29, 2021

for easy reference on part 1, page 97
Carina Creator
Carina Creator · Jan 29, 2021
James's Journal

Spoiler

braided hair tells a story
every strand, a memory
wound together in one mind
overlapping with the times that came before

to say them is not mandatory
every strand, tells tales
of its own - in its own time
woven patiently with each one cared for

~

the stories most worth
telling and most worth hearing
are those earned with time,
(even) were it to take years
and years
I'd also tell you mine

I don't mind waiting for
a person worth you are
a person worth waiting for
Spoiler
the lily of the valley is a hidden rose
that blooms where few may find it
but those who stumble upon it- often without looking-
find a gem and priceless treasure

~

I keep wondering if I've done something wrong. And knowing me I ~~probably~~ have. I just wish I knew what it was. I thought honestly might bridge a gap between us, but it seems to have done the reverse...
Spoiler

It's hard to know what lies behind those crystal eyes (what secrets and what lies - but I know I'm no less different) and ~~as much as~~ looking at her is like looking into a mirror sometimes. As stupid as the note may be - on principle - I can't help but notice that some days it feels like we're two sides of the same coin. There's an uncanny similarity in the small (and sometimes larger) details of our lives, but I can't help but wonder if the similarities are only surface-deep. Not that it changes anything if we were to be more or less alike, I guess I'm just... pleasantly surprised thus far with how much I've enjoyed having her around. I didn't think I'd let anyone this close ever again, but I'm realizing how much I miss having friends. And... ~~I don't~~ I'm beginning to realize that I may have never had true friends in the first place.

Spoiler

See, it's different. Back [illegible] in the kingdom there was a comraderie amongst us as soldiers, but all of our loyalties to each other were bound together with our loyalty to the kingdom. And at the end of the day we all knew which one would win over if the loyalty was tested - it wasn't friendship. The king always took precedence. What might be the worst part of it all was that almost all of my friendships from the military were so shallow that I don't even miss them. How could I? I barely even knew them, and they barely even knew me. Maybe if I'd tried harder - or, I don't know - formed more meaningful friendships outside of [illegible] things would've turned out differently. But I can't change the past... I can only change the future.
----------------
I'm afraid I'm overthinking things - hell - I'm always overthinking things, but sometimes I feel like I have...

(Evaline's handwriting)
Spoiler
See the bookmarked page in my journal. -E
[b]James's Journal[/b] [spoiler][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/747286320870719552/804619271521959936/untitled_by_sound_of_mind_decyr96-pre.jpg[/img] [i]braided hair tells a story every strand, a memory wound together in one mind overlapping with the times that came before to say them is not mandatory every strand, tells tales of its own - in its own time woven patiently with each one cared for ~ the stories most worth telling and most worth hearing are those earned with time, (even) were it to take years and years I'd also tell you mine [s]I don't mind waiting for a person worth[/s] you are a person worth waiting for[/i][/spoiler] [spoiler][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/747286320870719552/804619263851757578/untitled_artwork_20_by_sound_of_mind_decyr94-pre.jpg[/img] [i][list]the lily of the valley is a hidden rose that blooms where few may find it but those who stumble upon it- often without looking- find a gem and priceless treasure[/list][/i] ~ [i] I keep wondering if I've done something wrong. And knowing me I [s]probably[/s] have. I just wish I knew what it was. I thought honestly might bridge a gap between us, but it seems to have done the reverse...[/i][/spoiler] [spoiler][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/747286320870719552/804619269085593630/untitled_by_sound_of_mind_decyr9b-pre.jpg[/img] [i]It's hard to know what lies behind those crystal eyes (what secrets and what lies - but I know I'm no less different) and [s]as much as[/s] looking at her is like looking into a mirror sometimes. As stupid as the note may be - on principle - I can't help but notice that some days it feels like we're two sides of the same coin. There's an uncanny similarity in the small (and sometimes larger) details of our lives, but I can't help but wonder if the similarities are only surface-deep. Not that it changes anything if we were to be more or less alike, I guess I'm just... pleasantly surprised thus far with how much I've enjoyed having her around. I didn't think I'd let anyone this close ever again, but I'm realizing how much I miss having friends. And... [s]I don't[/s] I'm beginning to realize that I may have never had true friends in the first place[/i].[/spoiler] [spoiler][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/747286320870719552/804619266346451015/untitled_artwork_21_by_sound_of_mind_decytem-pre.jpg[/img] [i]See, it's different. Back [illegible] in the kingdom there was a comraderie amongst us as soldiers, but all of our loyalties to each other were bound together with our loyalty to the kingdom. And at the end of the day we all knew which one would win over if the loyalty was tested - it wasn't friendship. The king always took precedence. What might be the worst part of it all was that almost all of my friendships from the military were so shallow that I don't even miss them. How could I? I barely even knew them, and they barely even knew me. Maybe if I'd tried harder - or, I don't know - formed more meaningful friendships outside of [illegible] things would've turned out differently. But I can't change the past... I can only change the future. ---------------- I'm afraid I'm overthinking things - hell - I'm always overthinking things, but sometimes I feel like I have...[/i] [/spoiler] (Evaline's handwriting) [spoiler][i]See the bookmarked page in my journal. -E[/i][/spoiler]
Carina Creator
Carina Creator · Jan 29, 2021
Evaline's Journal
Spoiler
[Quick sketch of James sleeping before he woke up to her staring at him]

Similar sunlight pattern, but different. Desert?
Note the shadows versus direct rays of light on his skin.
Hands cupped around his face. Almost childlike... adorable.
So peaceful, like he is a simple man with simple problems.
Beard looks to be
Spoiler
[Detailed sketch of James reading the book the first day]

The morning after Woodhearst. He likely immediately opened his book at the first sign of sunlight.
Brow slightly arched, lips slightly pursed, like this position helped him absorb every sentence. I wonder if he usually reads like this?
The sun looks really nice on his skin. The golden rays of the sun make his hair look redder than usual.
Someday: shades of red, brown, orange, yellow. Dark blue for eyes.
A black and white drawing doesn't do this memory justice. At least I captured how focused and peaceful he looked.
Thankfully, he didn't notice me staring. I should have kept observing so I could have seen how the light shined through his hair and reading eyes.
This is one of my favorite poses of his, but I feel like I'm missing something. Redo in future?
Spoiler
James,

I know this should be a conversation I should have in person with you, but as you have gathered by now, I am not very good at saying what I mean, or how to say what I mean, or being expressive in general. Maybe that's why I like to draw, or dance, or play the piano, or use touch as affection. None of these things involve words.

But there are things I want you to know. Sometimes it is easier to have a conversation on paper where I can carefully write down my thoughts without another person listening nearby, calculating every word I am saying. It is easier to tell you what I want you to know this way, and for that, I apologize. I am sorry for doing this in a way that may be brash, hurtful, or disrespectful. I hope you can forgive me. For many things, really...

One of them being that I opened your journal—but it is not what you think. I found myself drifting back into slumber the night we escaped the coyotes, and I pulled my journal out to distract myself. Unfortunately, I pulled yours out by accident, and I did not realize until I already opened it. My eyes processed faster than my mind that night, and I read the poems you wrote about me. First about the braid, and then the lily of the valley, and then the two journal entries after that. I promise you I did not read anything else, and I won't again. I am sorry. Please forgive me. It was a breach of your privacy.

But I am not sorry for these messages. Reading those four pages reminded me once again that I have been a terrible friend to you. Words cannot express how much I regret the mean words I may have said to you in the past. You deserve better than this.

I want to be better for you. I want to be more honest, and I will do my best to communicate better to you. I'm sure it won't be easy, but... I will try.

Evaline

PS. Keep reading until you reach a blank page. When finished, turn one page back from here.

Spoiler

Oh, to be like the lily of the valley...

The lily of the valley appears to be a delightful flower when in bloom, but looks can be deceiving. This flower is extremely poisonous upon ingestion and can cause death.

You are right. I can be compared to a lily of the valley. I fear that you will get bored of looking and smelling and admiring this flower, and you will want more, and more, and more, until the only thing I can give you is a piece of myself, of which you would take and swallow to let it be a part of yourself too, and there would be nothing I could do but stand by and watch you die.

Spoiler

We are two halves of a whole.

Have you ever heard of the concept of yin and yang? It is an ancient earthen philosophy of dualism. It describes how seemingly opposite forces can be complementary and strengthen one another, and they share some similarities as they interrelate to one another. They are two halves of a single piece. One cannot function without the other.

You say that looking at me is like looking into a mirror. Despite coming from different worlds, we are both wanted traitors to the government, and we both keep our secrets to ourselves. We are both adaptable, quick on our feet, and clever.

At the same time, we share many polar opposite differences. You are on the run, and I am not. You have a way with words, and I have a way of not saying words. You are patient, and I am anything but that.

You once told me that we make a good team. I agree. We are yin and yang, two halves of one whole. We appear to be the same at first glance, yet we constantly clash, and we somehow complement each other with our differences.

But this is just the surface. There are so many things you don't know about me, and I fear that you would leave me if you find out.

You say that you wished you formed meaningful friendships in the past. Truth be told, I am envious of you. I wished I had instead formed hollow friendships. If this had happened, I wouldn't be so afraid of you [leaving/loving?] me.

Spoiler

Who am I?

But honestly, I don't know what that would mean for me. I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, two years ago, five years ago. I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel caught between who I was and who I can be. My past experiences have made me who I am now, but I often wonder what that means.

Who am I? And if I refuse the path laid out in front of me and cannot make one of my own, then what is my purpose? I have implicated that you should be honest to yourself and live your truest life, but I don't even know what that means.

I am a hypocrite.

Spoiler

I am not what you think.

I'm just not sure if I am someone you—or anyone—should have as a friend. Or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe I am not sure I want you—or anyone—to be my friend.

How can you accept me if I can't even accept myself? I have so many issues that I can't even begin to explain in this letter.

I am so broken, and it is not your job to fix me. I'm not sure you can, even if you wanted to.

I think I am beyond repairing.

Spoiler

Maybe time can fix me.

The two months I have been in Nye has given me time to think, and it has given me time to heal. I hate not knowing what will happen, but I know that with you, I can live in the present. With you, I forget all of my troubles and can be truer to myself. I know I need much more time to heal and much more time to figure out what it means to be me, but until then, I will continue to be by your side.

You say that you can wait years and years.

I hope you meant it.
[b]Evaline's Journal[/b] [spoiler][Quick sketch of James sleeping before he woke up to her staring at him] [list][i][*]Similar sunlight pattern, but different. Desert? [*]Note the shadows versus direct rays of light on his skin. [*]Hands cupped around his face. Almost childlike... adorable. [*]So peaceful, like he is a simple man with simple problems. [*]Beard looks to be[/i][/list][/spoiler] [spoiler][Detailed sketch of James reading the book the first day] [list][i][*]The morning after Woodhearst. He likely immediately opened his book at the first sign of sunlight. [*]Brow slightly arched, lips slightly pursed, like this position helped him absorb every sentence. I wonder if he usually reads like this? [*]The sun looks really nice on his skin. The golden rays of the sun make his hair look redder than usual. [*]Someday: shades of red, brown, orange, yellow. Dark blue for eyes. [*]A black and white drawing doesn't do this memory justice. At least I captured how focused and peaceful he looked. [*]Thankfully, he didn't notice me staring. I should have kept observing so I could have seen how the light shined through his hair and reading eyes. [*]This is one of my favorite poses of his, but I feel like I'm missing something. Redo in future?[/i][/list][/spoiler] [spoiler][i]James, I know this should be a conversation I should have in person with you, but as you have gathered by now, I am not very good at saying what I mean, or how to say what I mean, or being expressive in general. Maybe that's why I like to draw, or dance, or play the piano, or use touch as affection. None of these things involve words. But there are things I want you to know. Sometimes it is easier to have a conversation on paper where I can carefully write down my thoughts without another person listening nearby, calculating every word I am saying. It is easier to tell you what I want you to know this way, and for that, I apologize. I am sorry for doing this in a way that may be brash, hurtful, or disrespectful. I hope you can forgive me. For many things, really... One of them being that I opened your journal—but it is not what you think. I found myself drifting back into slumber the night we escaped the coyotes, and I pulled my journal out to distract myself. Unfortunately, I pulled yours out by accident, and I did not realize until I already opened it. My eyes processed faster than my mind that night, and I read the poems you wrote about me. First about the braid, and then the lily of the valley, and then the two journal entries after that. I promise you I did not read anything else, and I won't again. I am sorry. Please forgive me. It was a breach of your privacy. But I am not sorry for these messages. Reading those four pages reminded me once again that I have been a terrible friend to you. Words cannot express how much I regret the mean words I may have said to you in the past. You deserve better than this. I want to be better for you. I want to be more honest, and I will do my best to communicate better to you. I'm sure it won't be easy, but... I will try. Evaline PS. Keep reading until you reach a blank page. When finished, turn one page back from here.[/i][/spoiler] [spoiler][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/775232834222161921/803708106152083476/image0.png[/img] [i][u]Oh, to be like the lily of the valley...[/u] The lily of the valley appears to be a delightful flower when in bloom, but looks can be deceiving. This flower is extremely poisonous upon ingestion and can cause death. You are right. I can be compared to a lily of the valley. I fear that you will get bored of looking and smelling and admiring this flower, and you will want more, and more, and more, until the only thing I can give you is a piece of myself, of which you would take and swallow to let it be a part of yourself too, and there would be nothing I could do but stand by and watch you die.[/i][/spoiler] [spoiler][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/775232834222161921/803710290248073286/image0.png[/img] [i][u]We are two halves of a whole.[/u] Have you ever heard of the concept of yin and yang? It is an ancient earthen philosophy of dualism. It describes how seemingly opposite forces can be complementary and strengthen one another, and they share some similarities as they interrelate to one another. They are two halves of a single piece. One cannot function without the other. You say that looking at me is like looking into a mirror. Despite coming from different worlds, we are both wanted traitors to the government, and we both keep our secrets to ourselves. We are both adaptable, quick on our feet, and clever. At the same time, we share many polar opposite differences. You are on the run, and I am not. You have a way with words, and I have a way of not saying words. You are patient, and I am anything but that. You once told me that we make a good team. I agree. We are yin and yang, two halves of one whole. We appear to be the same at first glance, yet we constantly clash, and we somehow complement each other with our differences. But this is just the surface. There are so many things you don't know about me, and I fear that you would leave me if you find out. You say that you wished you formed meaningful friendships in the past. Truth be told, I am envious of you. I wished I had instead formed hollow friendships. If this had happened, I wouldn't be so afraid of you [leaving/loving?] me.[/i][/spoiler] [spoiler][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/775232834222161921/803708131901177856/image0.png[/img] [i][u]Who am I?[/u] But honestly, I don't know what that would mean for me. I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, two years ago, five years ago. I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel caught between who I was and who I can be. My past experiences have made me who I am now, but I often wonder what that means. Who am I? And if I refuse the path laid out in front of me and cannot make one of my own, then what is my purpose? I have implicated that you should be honest to yourself and live your truest life, but I don't even know what that means. I am a hypocrite.[/i][/spoiler] [spoiler][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/775232834222161921/803708140478398484/image0.png[/img] [i][u]I am not what you think.[/u] I'm just not sure if I am someone you—or anyone—should have as a friend. Or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe I am not sure I want you—or anyone—to be my friend. How can you accept me if I can't even accept myself? I have so many issues that I can't even begin to explain in this letter. I am so broken, and it is not your job to fix me. I'm not sure you can, even if you wanted to. I think I am beyond repairing.[/i][/spoiler] [spoiler][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/775232834222161921/803708149767864340/image0.png[/img] [i][u]Maybe time can fix me.[/u] The two months I have been in Nye has given me time to think, and it has given me time to heal. I hate not knowing what will happen, but I know that with you, I can live in the present. With you, I forget all of my troubles and can be truer to myself. I know I need much more time to heal and much more time to figure out what it means to be me, but until then, I will continue to be by your side. You say that you can wait years and years. I hope you meant it.[/i] [/spoiler]

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