Night walkers
By, ~XxCrimsonFyrxX~
Chapter one
nv3
There once was a time when creatures of the night were everywhere, annihilating who, and what they wanted. They were the most dangerous creatures that had ever walked the face of the earth. But they were the easiest things to kill if you knew how,
Back then, all you had to do was do something to their hands, and they would be nothing but a mere innocent bystander. They were nothing without their hands.
But that was many millennia ago; we are more skilled, and far more dangerous. Stab us through the hands, and we will be no less dangerous then we were before, maybe even more dangerous. If you’ve made me mad, there’s no stopping me. I am Isabella Taylor Nicole. I have always been a nightwalker, and the night is my light.
“Bella”! I heard someone call in the crazy calling of everyone’s name at once.
“Over here!” I yelled waving my hands crazily. Then he was coming walking toward me, as beautiful as ever. I was still, after seeing his face a thousand times over, shocked by how beautifully his black shaggy chin length hair went with his perfectly carved face. every time I see him I cant help but compare him to my own appearance, bland red hair, freckles sprinkled on my nose and cheeks, and neon green eyes could never be enough for the stunning beauty my best friend is.
He doesn’t know that I’m a nightwalker, for that I’m grateful, I doubt he would except me the way he does now, if he knew what I was. We were in California, the least common place for nightwalkers, which is why I wanted to move there.
When he got to me he reached around me, constricting me in a hug that sent my defense going wild, and my breath gushed out never returning in.
“Don’t be scared” I told the nightwalker in me, although, it did feel like he was about to squeeze the life out of me.
“What pool should we go to?” he asked after releasing me all to soon.
“How about Kennedy”? I suggested. It was supposed to be a really good one.
“No bliss’s this time okay?” he said
“Why?” I teased “got a weak stomach?”
We both laughed, both of us knew he had never gotten sick in his life, and we both doubted he ever would.
“Kennedy, it is then” he said.
I smiled widely.
The pool was my favorite place, next to the softball field.
There was a protest outside, a bunch of middle schoolers wanted to expand summer break, and the protest was so lame Zay and I didn’t waste our time participating, the only thing they were getting was a lifetime of detention. Zay and I are still middle schoolers, but we’ve always acted older. The protest was stupid, but it had a lot of kids there.
We left the protest to my house to get some unneeded cash. On the walk there in the middle of talking about school and the problems with the “acquaintances” I had at school since Zay is really my only and best friend, somehow conversation about the suckish protest started. Luckily, before I was bored to death, we got to the house.
Our house wasn’t exactly middle class, what with all the money we have, I could have two bedrooms and it would make no difference. All I was going to do was grab my favorite bikini, the black one with lime green penguins on it. I put on a tee shirt and shorts over it, and I was ready. When I came down stairs, he didn’t even blink. He didn’t care how I looked, I could have been in a wheelchair and he still would’ve been the same old Zay, taking me to the pool.
“Ugh!” I groaned all of a sudden the pool sounded tiring. I knew I would have fun once I was there, so I dragged my self down the rest of the stairs.
We rode our bikes to the public pool, to go show off.
I smiled widely, knowing I was just seconds away from doing a cross spin with Zay me on high dive him on the low dive next to me. Zay and I were popular at the local pools, (especially Kennedy) and we had a signature dive. We would jump off at the same time, and spin and swerve, until we both ended up at each others diving board. We basically made a spinning x with our diving and I ended up in front of the low dive, and he ended up in front of the high dive, opposite of where we jumped off.
When we were in the pool that was just what we did. After that we coasted in the shallow end, and I secretly flaunted my ability to breathe under water, he always wondered how I could stay under for so long. We splashed and played, and for a second, acted like eighth graders instead of adults. There were slides too, one of my personal favorites. We clambered up the stairs to huge water slide, which jostled you from side to side, and scraped your back if you put you full weight on the bottom of the slide. I liked to flip at the last second, and land head first in the water. Going down the slide with your eyes closed, now that is a scary thing.
When the long line became short, me and Zay hurried over before people realized it and made the line long again. The only person was the slim, blonde lifeguard texting in stead of really doing her job. She barely noticed me she didn’t even look up from her phone.
“Go” she said sounding utterly bored. I grabbed the well worn bar above the entrance to the slide, and flung myself into it with as much force as my arms could manage.
I flipped wildly out of control, trying frantically to keep my eyes closed and to keep my back from being scraped all at the same time. I twisted and turned and tumbled and basically flipped over in the process of it all. I heard the rushing water come close to me, I flipped over at the last minute, and hit the water head on, trying to shove water up my nose. Finally out of the slide, I went up the nearest ladder waiting for Zay to come out of the slide. I waited for about a few minutes, and then I wondered if he had even gone yet.
“What if he’s flirting with that blonde lifeguard?” I thought. Turned around and sprinted up the long flight of stairs to the tower where the slide started. If he wasn’t up there, and I was just being paranoid, then I would just go down the slide again, with my eyes open. Then I would look for Zay, after all, I probably just missed him. Though, I didn’t see how I could have missed his pale skin and jet black hair, a perfect contrast.
When I finally reached the top, I got there to see the life guard leaning into the slide, she seemed to be confused and exasperated. I was about to peer into the slide, when the life guard turned her glare to me.
“If you go down that slide I swear I will have you kicked out” she said angrily.
“I’m not going down it” I said “what’s in the slide?” I asked.
“That’s none of your business!” She snapped.
“Okay see ya later” I said mischievously I smirked and flung myself down the slide. My slip down ward was cut off, as I smacked right into Zay, he was smiling widely, and holding an nv3, which I recognized as the lifeguards phone. He was gripping on to the edge, and dangling the phone over the side of the slide, taunting the lifeguard.
“Hey bells!” he yelled over the rushing water.
“Do you want to get kicked out?” I hissed
“Yup” he said. “That life guards not doing what she was hired to do,” “and plus I’m getting tired of that chick hitting on Me.” he said. “Doesn’t she understand the words ‘not interested’?” he exclaimed. My face grew red with anger. “What are you waiting for? Drop the phone!” I said. Once the phone hit the pavement, my mood changed. I laughed “that’s probably the first time she’s heard those words anyway” I said in between giggles. He looked at me in a strange way that made me uncomfortable.
“What are you looking at me for?” I asked.
. “I don’t know, maybe you don’t know just how much prettier you are then her.” He said smiling my favorite smile. “Let’s get out of here” he said. We slid down the slide 30 seconds apart because it was against the rules to slide down together (not that we actually cared about obeying the rules considering we had just obliterated a lifeguards phone). We ditched the pool right when the chick saw her phone in pieces on the pavement. We were guffawing the whole way back to my house, we had been at the pool for 2 or 3 hours, and the sun was setting. It was Friday, so would most likely end up staying at his house, or the other way around.
“Late night tonight?” he asked.
“Sure” I said “we can stay up all night”
“Fine” he said “my house this time”
“Okay let me grab my stuff real fast” I said
“Kay” he said
I ran upstairs, grabbed my pillow, blanket and bag of already packed clothes, and came clomping down the stairs. I threw my bag at him, because I have still yet to master riding my bike no handed. We took off on our bikes at full speed, and rode off into the sunset.
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Hiya!
You have a really cool idea here! I'm excited to read more of it later on. I have a friend who's big on swimming too, so I no all about this swimming thing. It's really cool!
The beginning is a bit bland, when you introduce the Nightwalkers. I'd just get rid of that. Explain it later, even after this chapter. You can hint on it through out this part, what with the breathing underwater and stuff, but I wouldn't explain you're Nightwalkers in a low-Nightwalker-populated area. That kinda ruins the surprise!
There's some grammar mistakes here as well, but a read-through will finish that up. There's also some articles in the Writing Tips KB (located under Writing Resources) that can help you out!
I also think the relationship with Zay you're hinting at is happening way too soon for comfort. Just keep them as friends who go to the water park a lot. Also, your MC doesn't seem like someone who'd be willing to break the rules. At first, she was upset with Zay, but when he dropped the phone, she started laughing. I think she'd be a bit more panicked than that. She's a Nightwalker, after all. Wouldn't she want to obey the rules as best she can so as to keep undercover?
I also feel like you were covering a bit too much in this chapter. It sounds like the typical going through a school day beginning, and I think if you reduced this to just going to the water park, it'd flow better. You don't have to explain that she went up to her room to get a black and green-penguine bikini. There are specifics that you could do without and it wouldn't harm the story! (Unless of course green penguins are important. ;D)
Other than those points, you've got a gem here! I really like where this is going and hope you post more. Especially for only being 12, you're off to a fantastic start! If you have any questions, please ask me. =)
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
First Off, Welcome to YWS! You seem like you will be a good addition to the community.
Second off, I love this. There are a few grammatical errors, and definitely some spelling ones, but they are all easily fixed. It seems like you have a good plot in mind, and your MC seems pretty well rounded. Zay seems a bit flat though, He needs a bit more to him, rather than just a few lines.
Anyways, definitely work on this, it can only get better! I will keep an eye out for the next peice!
Once again, Welcome to YWS, Keep Writing!
~Shaard