If That Horse... (2)

I took a look at your previous post to try and get a feel for this, but it just doesn't even try to captivate the reader.

All the key details you tell, never show, and it really takes away the effect and depth of the characters. Though they have some differences, it is unnatural how they speak.

The story tries to be deep, but it just can't with pieces like this: "He took a step forward. Aidan flinched, but did not back away. She looked at Orelos’s face, trying to read what his true emotions might be. Jest was not written there, in that wide smile, nor was any malicious intent. True and honest happiness was marked there, and she did not know how to respond to this."

Even said rape, it didn't do anything to me emotionally, it was all tell. The way you worded it also makes it seem wanted in a way and rather beautiful, if that was your intention then that was good, but usually when it is unwanted their is more.... drama and emotion. Also I was trying to figure out just 'how' the two could do it... it seemed like he was human and not a centaur. The whole on his back thing seemed well... impossible for a centaur's body.

So yeah, this whole scene didn't do much for me and left me confused and bored. The endless telling needs to be fixed first, then the rape scene... after that, character development and rework on the dialogue. From there... we'll see.