Published September 5, 2012
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Hey zoehuman!
One of the most important concepts of writing is imagery, using words to paint a picture in the mind of another. I absolutly loved the imagery in this piece. I could picture what was happening as I read it. My favorite part was about the vultures. Editing wise, you just need to work on the grammatical portion of the poem. Once you get that taken care of, I would take a look at the flow of the poem. There are parts that seem choppy, and part of it might be the fact that the stanzas are not all even. You have done the har dpart, know you just need to go back and clean it up. Overall, it was a really good poem. Keep it up!!
Rarity♦
I really like this. It tells a story and gives a lesson. I loved it it was great and I hope to see more of your stuff. Sorry this wasn't all that long a comment, or a review for that matter. I didn't see much wrong with it accept punctuation could use some work, but then again mine could too. Haha. Anyway, great poem!