z

Young Writers Society



Like an eagle

by zoehuman


Look at her
look at who she is
and who she can become

even if what she wants to become is unrealistic
and who she is, is a nerd loser or some other hurtful word
which in some sadistic way provides them joy
while she feels pain

look at her
scratch that
don't look at her
but rather look into her soul

because within all that is a person
a person who has a voice 
but who's told to only speak when spoken to 
but is never spoken to
and a person who lives everyday wanting to better herself
because this cruel world tells her
she's not beautiful or good enough
and sad as it may be she believes them.

But they don't know
they don't know that what they did
by pushing her down will eventually
make her stronger

and like an eagle she will soar above them all
graceful, majestic and proud
and they merely vultures
feeding on the grace  
which she left for them
feeding on her riches
and feeding on her spoils

and she allows them to do so because
she is and has always been a soaring eagle
strong and proud


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User avatar
37 Reviews


Points: 731
Reviews: 37

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Thu Sep 06, 2012 3:02 am
Rarity wrote a review...



Hey zoehuman!

One of the most important concepts of writing is imagery, using words to paint a picture in the mind of another. I absolutly loved the imagery in this piece. I could picture what was happening as I read it. My favorite part was about the vultures. Editing wise, you just need to work on the grammatical portion of the poem. Once you get that taken care of, I would take a look at the flow of the poem. There are parts that seem choppy, and part of it might be the fact that the stanzas are not all even. You have done the har dpart, know you just need to go back and clean it up. Overall, it was a really good poem. Keep it up!!

Rarity♦




User avatar
93 Reviews


Points: 302
Reviews: 93

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Thu Sep 06, 2012 2:34 am
Nightlyowl wrote a review...



I really like this. It tells a story and gives a lesson. I loved it it was great and I hope to see more of your stuff. Sorry this wasn't all that long a comment, or a review for that matter. I didn't see much wrong with it accept punctuation could use some work, but then again mine could too. Haha. Anyway, great poem!





I love how we all band together to break things...
— Kelpies