Hope is like a butterfly fluttering in the air.
Hope is always here to make you strong and confident.
Hope is in your heart and will be,forever,and always.
Hope is like a dolphin leaping in the air.
Hope is like a light in a dark tunnel.
Hope is like a dream for the future.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
thanks tiger
Well you mentioned that you had to use similes in class, but maybe you should change it a bit for YWS. Anyway, it's your first post and so I guess it's okay.
Nitpicks:
Provide a space after using a comma. Otherwise your work will look messy and all packed together.
As BlueShift said, you didn't break it well. This poem reads as a bunch of lines rather than a poem. Follow his examples in how to break a poem into stanzas and lines to achieve that proper flow.
All in all, this isn't bad for your first post. Just take the advice given to you to improve, and next time you can do even better!
TIGERSPRITE
Thankyou sandvich
Short but sweet. I like it.
I'm not exactly 'teh awesomez' at poems, so I'll try not to give you bad tips.
I especially like your use of similies. However, I feel that the 'Hope is always there to make you strong and confident' line is a little out of place.
Also, it might help to explain your similies a little, but that''s probably awful advice.
Overall, I thought it was very good. Hope you write more!
-Sandvich
Blueshift, thank you for the tips and I will be sure to use them in the future. Oh, by the way, I did his poem at school and they told me to use similes on every line.
Heyy there.
I take that this is one of your first poems? Well, I'm glad you're getting into it. I still have much to learn about poetry myself, but it's so fun to write because it challenges you to write purposefully with figures of speech. But anyway, I digress.
Here's a couple of things that could help you improve this poem, and write better poetry in general:
1. Note the flow of your poem. The line breaks are there to create rhythm and to emphasize certain points in the poem. This poem lacks any kind of flow. It would read so much better if you segmented the lines further. For example, the first line could read:
Hope
is like a butterfly
fluttering in the air.
Just a very basic example.
2. Don't use similes all the time. Each line in this poem starts with "Hope is like..", save for the second line. There are so many figures of speech out there that could pack a better punch for the things you want to say. I think the best way to learn about the use of figures of speech is reading poetry by famous authors. I started learning how to use them right when I discovered Khalil Gibran's works, which, although in prose, use figures of speech heavily.
3. Expand on what you want to say about hope. This poem seemed pretty aimless with regards to the message you wanted to convey. The whole thing kind of lacks coherence. At one point, you're comparing it to a butterfly, then a dolphin, and then a "dream for the future", which is incorrectly put. It should have been something like, "Hope spurs our dreams for the future". But I would have scratched that line out. What I'm saying is, there's so much you could say about hope. You can explore where it comes from, how people find it in desperate times, etc.
I hope these tips help. Good luck, and keep writing.