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139,649 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
No
I interpret the poem as a guy who is ostracized from his village because of his very bodacious features. This village is a home of exotic people, they believe that beauty is bad and ugly is very very good.
I notice a very strong iambic pentameter throughout your poem. Then the rhythm reminds me of an exotic music of a hidden village found in Antartica, named Patagsolala. You also have Goooooooooood metáfora.
Your friend from the past and future (forget the present),
Sakimaki Buttcannon
It depends.
Hi Zephion!
CM here.
I really liked this poem. I thought that it was a welcome surprise from all the love poems we get on YWS. It offered up a rich poem with a lovely ending and I loved it. See I like to write horror poetry, (its not very good) so this was a pleasant surprise. I like your writing style and thought that it flowed very well. I liked how the ending closed off the topic and illustrated the MC's depression.
Atop my mountain
I look down,
To see the village below (full stop)
I liked this stanza because it flowed very well.
They seem happy
Peaceful,
Untroubled,
Content, (again full stop. Even though it is poetry we still need punctuation.)
Otherwise it was good and I like how you used those three describing words.
I am, though once part of them, (you do not need the comma after 'am'
Distanced,
Separate,
Alone, (AGAIN, full stop!)
Good I like how you used three describing words so it became a flow.
And as I look down from my hill
I yearn to return (comma)
Yet I cannot seem to leave (full stop)
If you are alone and separate why would you yearn to return?
So I ask you,
Just one thing
Would you jump?
By far my favorite stanza, it really closed off the poem on a good note.
Over all I really like this poem and thought it had a lot of potential! Keep writing.
CM
Hello, Zee!
Lol. XD <3
This is once nice poem you've got here. For some reason it reminds me of The Grinch, lol, but I never told you that.
Just one suggestion; I'd delete the "And" in the fourth stanza, because it makes it look like you're going to start babbling... and you're actually telling the point of the poem.... Gotta crash in bravely and strong. Those little details count; gotta take advantage of psychology.
~Sol Valeria
Thanks so much!