There walked a man of the past on a road
leading to somewhere not known.
The world baffled him, It was not as it was, as if
As if ,Something alien had poured into the hearts of men
Men who once labored and persisted against odds
Were now lazy and weak, Too be of any use
In the hearts of men, anguish was moist, hatred burned
Discontent flowed like rivers falling into oceans
The currents , it seemed,were now too wild to control.
All seemed lost to him .
He wished to heal the world
Though he knew not how.
Frustration, his only reward.
And he squinted as he saw light streaks
Dawn broke , and bit by bit the sky lit
And soon everything around and under the horizon
Bathing all that came into sight in a crimson.
And a tremor ran through him
as revelation hit
All days mush end to make way for the new
And dawn breaks after the darkest hour of the night
And under the rising sun he whispered a silent prayer.
For them to understand.
Dawn had never been as beautiful.
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125,017 Literary Works • 672,850 Reviews
Hey Zaid! Dogs here with your review today! This piece is really good! Strong imagery and i like the rhyming! You really paint a great picture in the readers head so props to you for that!
Although, you do use a lot of great lines and imagery you also use a lot of boring, old, overused, everyday words. It gets boring for a reader to read the same words over and over again just in a different order. I suggest that you take some of these overused words and look them up in a thesaurus. Then choose an even better, stronger word from the new list. It makes your poems 10 times better trust me.
Anywho this was a really good piece and i really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work!!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh
I really liked the meaning behind this poem, but I do have one major thing that kept bugging me. The rhythm. You started off sing-song, and then almost went into a style of prose or blank/free verse. I had to go back and read lines three or four times to figure out which rhythm mode I needed to be in, and because of this, the whole poem got messed up for me. Try to make sure all of you syllables line up correctly. The best way to do this is to count each syllable in each line, and make sure none of them are more than plus or minus one of the median of the numbers. I know that sounded like a lot of english class mixed with a lot of math class, but it will really help, and it will make your lines seen much smoother. Goodluck!
I really liked this. It had a nice feel to it. I liked how you extended the lines. It gave it a real endless, decadent feel. It felt like the lines were going to go on forever. Good job. No, great. No, excellent. No, awesome more like! Have a good one, zaid. You've really impressed me.