i. paint my fingers with fresh pomegranate
they stain the same, so let my head stay in your lap
we are just another branch of spring
looking up
i'm still not sure what colour your eyes are
but they are more then enough while you pluck away the dusty leftovers
of last year that still hang in the air
your hands are warm and my fingers are cold
please, don't find somebody new
-
ii. take your time, you say
and that was the prettiest thing anyone has ever told me
red-faced, trudging in the foggy snow
still you speak up and hold out your hand
we could be now but we are not
you carry fragments of my song on repeat
for the sixth week now
you cup my face and grin
like a soaring soul and suddenly
everything isn't so bad
-
iii. you take away my words on this quiet day
with tiny windows and too much sunlight
but i am sure you and me both
we can hear my chest bursting open
with glitter and sleepovers where you told me
i was your favourite person
in a house that is neither yours nor mine
in a place where it is not allowed
to ache for girls like you
-
iv. i could have sworn your eyes were on me
as i played with plastic knives
of our empty cafeteria
sitting on the damp grass that always clung to our skirts
and i know
i'm not a very good friend
i haven't seen you for a whole summer
and i know
i'm not the coolest human around
and i know
that my bones crack under the weight of unfamiliar happiness
and i don't know
how to voice the terror
of you being my favourite person too
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I love the visuals you give with these..."paint my fingers with fresh pomegranate / they stain the same, so let my head stay in your lap" "you cup my face and grin / like a soaring soul and suddenly / everything isn't so bad" it really takes me back to being in school, of being young and dealing with such new and heavy emotions and you portrayed that perfectly allowing the reader to feel it with you by being so descriptive.
one minor critique would be for the line "i could have sworn you eyes were on me" i believe you meant "your eyes"? that's all i noticed grammatically.
other than that i really enjoyed this and my favorite line is "we are just another branch of spring / looking up."
really well done i enjoyed this very much thank you for sharing!!
i've only just noticed the 'your eyes' part and i think i can correct it (i hope?) thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
yep! i think you can edit it, probably just an oversight i've done that so many times with my own work
and you're welcome!!
I love the visuals you give with these..."paint my fingers with fresh pomegranate / they stain the same, so let my head stay in your lap" "you cup my face and grin / like a soaring soul and suddenly / everything isn't so bad" it really takes me back to being in school, of being young and dealing with such new and heavy emotions and you portrayed that perfectly allowing the reader to feel it with you by being so descriptive.
one minor critique would be for the line "i could have sworn you eyes were on me" i believe you meant "your eyes"? that's all i noticed grammatically.
other than that i really enjoyed this and my favorite line is "we are just another branch of spring / looking up."
really well done i enjoyed this very much thank you for sharing!!
These are honestly beautiful! My personal favourites are the second and third ones (can I also add that I retyped my favourites about 15 times, honestly it's so hard to pick) .
I'll definitely have to check out anything else you've written/will write.
Favourite lines:
"Your hands are warm and my fingers are cold / please don't find somebody new"
"Take your time, you say / and that was the prettiest thing anyone has ever told me"
"We can hear my chest bursting open / with glitter and sleepovers where you told me / I was your favourite person"
"and i don't know / how to voice the terror / of you being my favourite person too"
I don't know if the link between iii and iv with "favourite person" is intentional but either way it's beautiful. I'm so glad I read this.
In all the poems there's a sense of place which makes them feel more real and grounded. Honestly, they're so beautiful. Have a great day
yesyesyes! they were intentional and i'm so happy you found the link, thank you so much for reading!
Wow, I love these.
I'm given such a sense of sombre nostalgia. I particularly love the second poem.
There are some minor issues grammatically-but other than that, the effect of your chosen vocabulary, how you have instilled hints of narrative within each poem, and the vivid yet gentle descriptions, is just wonderful.
ah, the grammar does need correction...but thank you for reading and reviewing!
Wow, I love these.
I'm given such a sense of sombre nostalgia. I particularly love the second poem.
There are some minor issues grammatically-but other than that, the effect of your chosen vocabulary, how you have instilled hints of narrative within each poem, and the vivid yet gentle descriptions, is just wonderful.