Young Writers Society

I love the visuals you give with these..."paint my fingers with fresh pomegranate / they stain the same, so let my head stay in your lap" "you cup my face and grin / like a soaring soul and suddenly / everything isn't so bad" it really takes me back to being in school, of being young and dealing with such new and heavy emotions and you portrayed that perfectly allowing the reader to feel it with you by being so descriptive.

one minor critique would be for the line "i could have sworn you eyes were on me" i believe you meant "your eyes"? that's all i noticed grammatically.

other than that i really enjoyed this and my favorite line is "we are just another branch of spring / looking up."

really well done i enjoyed this very much thank you for sharing!!

I love the visuals you give with these..."paint my fingers with fresh pomegranate / they stain the same, so let my head stay in your lap" "you cup my face and grin / like a soaring soul and suddenly / everything isn't so bad" it really takes me back to being in school, of being young and dealing with such new and heavy emotions and you portrayed that perfectly allowing the reader to feel it with you by being so descriptive.

one minor critique would be for the line "i could have sworn you eyes were on me" i believe you meant "your eyes"? that's all i noticed grammatically.

other than that i really enjoyed this and my favorite line is "we are just another branch of spring / looking up."

really well done i enjoyed this very much thank you for sharing!!

These are honestly beautiful! My personal favourites are the second and third ones (can I also add that I retyped my favourites about 15 times, honestly it's so hard to pick) .

I'll definitely have to check out anything else you've written/will write.

Favourite lines:

"Your hands are warm and my fingers are cold / please don't find somebody new"
"Take your time, you say / and that was the prettiest thing anyone has ever told me"
"We can hear my chest bursting open / with glitter and sleepovers where you told me / I was your favourite person"
"and i don't know / how to voice the terror / of you being my favourite person too"

I don't know if the link between iii and iv with "favourite person" is intentional but either way it's beautiful. I'm so glad I read this.

In all the poems there's a sense of place which makes them feel more real and grounded. Honestly, they're so beautiful. Have a great day

Wow, I love these.

I'm given such a sense of sombre nostalgia. I particularly love the second poem.

There are some minor issues grammatically-but other than that, the effect of your chosen vocabulary, how you have instilled hints of narrative within each poem, and the vivid yet gentle descriptions, is just wonderful.

Wow, I love these.

I'm given such a sense of sombre nostalgia. I particularly love the second poem.

There are some minor issues grammatically-but other than that, the effect of your chosen vocabulary, how you have instilled hints of narrative within each poem, and the vivid yet gentle descriptions, is just wonderful.