Published April 5, 2010
Hands:
I knew these hands. I knew their rough push, and the sense of entitlement that followed them whenever they moved. I knew their rude prod, and the insensitive way they jerked me toward them. They were not the hands I had grown to love, but rather the hands I had grown to endure.
Now, I flinched as they bullied their way around my waist, attacking me from behind. They brought with them a pair of arms that crushed me, stopping just short of breaking my ribs, and a pair of lips that hid under a mustache that reminded me of a deer blind, keeping his hunting lips from view until they were ready to strike mine.
Today, however, he managed to keep his lips to himself. Without warning, he threw me to the floor. My head smashed against the tile, and my vision became blurred as he strutted away, slamming the cold stone door behind him.
I touched my hand to the back of my head, and warm blood coated my hand. This had happened once before, so I knew I didn’t have much time to react. Dragging myself off the floor was hard, but necessary. A wave of nausea washed over me, almost knocking me back down, but I managed to make it to the door, where I pushed the little red button and said one word before I lost consciousness. “Help.”
When I woke up, there were different hands caressing my cheek, and tending to my wounds. These were the hands I had grown to love. These hands were not only part of a body, but also of a heart, and a person. Not a monster. They were his hands. Luke’s hands.
He noticed that I had opened my eyes and smiled, saying, “It’s going to be okay.” I knew better, though. Reading his eyes was second nature to me, and I saw the fear and worry hiding within them.
“What did he say?” My voice may have been week, but I spoke firmly.
He was slow to respond, but I knew that I would get an answer. Luke could never deny me what I truly wanted, and needed. “He wanted me to slip you a drug. When you flinched away from him, he knew I hadn’t. And…”
“And?”
“And he felt the baby bump. He knows you’re pregnant. He thinks it’s his, and he’s pissed off that you didn’t tell him. What are we going to do? We have to get you out of here. He may think it’s his, and treat you well while you’re carrying his child, but as soon as you give birth, he’ll take the baby away from you, and go back to treating you like trash.”
“It’s ours. You know that. I haven’t let him that close for a long time.”
“I know.”
“We can’t hide it any longer.”
“I know.”
“So it’s settled?”
He nodded. “We leave tonight.”
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
OH what happens next? This was very very well written!
I like how you used hands to first describe the "Monster" and the hands you described as being soft. It somehow shows that your character understands the two men in a deeper way. Now I really want to see what happens!! This should be published by the way and I seriously have nothing bad to say. Good luck
Sara
Hey everyone,
I wish I could tell you all that I'm writing more on this, but I originally intended for this to be a stand-alone story, and I still believe that that would be the best thing for it. If you'd like to read more of my work, I'll PM you when I post my next piece. Thank you all for your reviews. It means so much to me that you liked my story.
-youreit
hello! i'll start off by saying: i love your writing style. the beginning was great with the whole hands thing. it drew me in, and i was caught.
i only found one spelling mistake:
you misspelled weak. simple, accidental mistakes are hard to avoid.
that's all! but i do hope you keep going with this. it's an interesting start!
-julie (:
My goodness! You've been hiding this? (jk I don't believe I know you... so "HI")
I don't have anything other than that to say, I didn't catch any errors and absolutely loved the piece. I would love to hear more whenever it's posted! Keep on keepin' on and p-l-e-a-s-e PM me when you get some more out here. It's great nomming for me. So. Thanks.
Love,
Fixed
This was an intriguing story, I absolutely loved the beginning paragraph about the hands! It really got my attention. Although the beginning scene did seem to be a bit cliché, I liked this piece a lot!
I'm excited to read the next part! Hope I helped, ~mateeah
Oh my gosh I loved it! I love everything about it! Could you PM me when you post more?
Hey youreit. I'm here to review.
I absolutely loved this piece. Usually I don't read anything in Romantic Fiction, but this caught my eye. You should feel proud of yourself for being able to hold my attention. That said even though this was short it conveyed just enough to make me want more, but not ultra rushed.
It did feel a bit rushed when she lost consciousness. It was a little hazy there. Another thing that irked me a bit was that I don't know her name. How am I supposed to connect with someone if I don't know their name?
Hope I helped.
Keep Writing!
~Danie
P.S. *Liked*
Hey! I'm not much of a critique since I usually can't find anything bad... =P I feel so horrible. Anyways this is a really good beginning, it's extremely interesting and caught my interest immediately. And as I ask for most stories in general, PLEASE PM ME ONCE YOU FINISH THE NEXT CHAPTER. XD Thanks!
Keep it up!
~Hugs,
Rose
Hey there! Classy here for a review!
Sorry for such a big quote.
Anyways, I wanted to point out that this quote is a little too obvious. It leaves me thinking nothing, having to figure out nothing. I don't know where your story is going, but keeping suspense for your readers is a good thing! Maybe you could keep the part about it being Luke's baby a secret for a while? Have them talk like they know it's his, but don't straight out say it? Your story could be more fun that way!
I like this. I like how you use the concept of hands to introduce new things. It's a nice touch. Hands can say a lot about a person, so you definitely picked the right part of the human body to base a story on!
Keep writing! This seems promising.
Questions/comments, PM me.
Classy