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140,456 Literary Works • 673,225 Reviews
Hey! Nice poem you got there!
Your use of imagery was great! It has a sort of vividness that I appreciate so much. I admire poets like you that can summon visuals to mind simply through your choice of words. I wish I had that ability in my own writing.
I like the animals you decided to use to represent both of those feelings. Hyena for envy, I can see. But a snail for jealousy was kinda unexpected and random. But I liked it, don't get me wrong. It's good that it was unexpected. I like things that surprise. And a creeping snail as jealousy is kinda cool to think about. They may be jealous for their slow pace while others just speed past them, haha.
Maybe this poem can be extended a bit. Extend as in, go into more depth with these two metaphors or add more. I think doing that will make it even stronger and an even more enjoyable read.
I think this poem is wonderfully written the way it is now. I don't think I can spot any errors here, so awesome job!
I can't wait to see what else you have to offer!
(Forgot to check that this is a review, so don't mind the "." message!)
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Hello there, youngwriter7! My name is Scarlett and I'll be reviewing your poetry this afternoon.
Wow, this is really good. I love the imagery, the word choice, the flow. <3 There is one thing, though. I feel this isn't complete. You add more to this, because the way it ends right now is a little weak and anti-climatic. You see what I mean? As for spelling or grammar; I see nothing wrong there. I challenge you to add more emotions. You have envy and jealous; try greed and wrath, etc. I want to see more! Please show me more.
And now, I don't think I have anything more to say. It's really good and with a few more stanzas, it'll be even better, but I like it so far, and that's a good thing. Sooo, that's it now. This is an absolutely lovely poem. Thanks for such a amazing, beautiful poetry! I hope this review helps, somehow. ^^
Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar. <3
Great Work!
I don't know much about metaphors but I feel that you employed a very good metaphor here... Envy and hyena. The poem is short and to-the-point. And the title promises the poem's theme. So, you did a really good job. And I would like to read more from you. 5/5.