cry: Constant battles are proclaimed and tears are shed, as i lay on my bed awaiting this fiasco to end.
As i wait, i contemplate, "how would it be if i were in heaven", the decibles of their voices increase and my contemplation is broken, as violent words are exchanged, I intrude and try to hault the confrontation, my solution goes unnoticed, but now the words have translated into flying fists with furious intention. The whimpering of my voice calms their nerves and cools their hearts.
The battle is over for now, but soon again it will start.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thanks for reviewing my work and for giving some constructive critisism.
i didn't mind the format, i agree with timjim77. otherwise, this was really good and very true to the topic. it actually sort of moved me. just one thing:
add a question mark after start or switch "it" and "will".
Hmm, obviously format problems. Watch your vocabulary. Some of the words don't make complete sense in their context, or have different connotations. E.g. Proclaimed in line 1 seems odd. I liked it overall though. Very real description of the subject.