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2 Part Love Poem: 2nd Edition

by yoha_ahoy

Published September 8, 2005

In Old Poetry

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This is a beautiful poem. I really, really like it. One thing though... the first line of your second stanza in Part 2 you have "bet us ween" which I believe is supposed to be "between us." I think you might want to Edit that. Otherwise it's great!

Comments & reviews · 2
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Crysi
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Crysi wrote a review Review · Sep 8, 2005

I like what you've done with it - even if you did just add an intro.

And personally, I think the "bet us ween" is genius. I read it and laughed because it was so unexpected and brilliant.

What is there to say about it? Your writing seems to be getting more... human, I think. More emotional, perhaps.

Oh, and that stanza I said I didn't like earlier... I think it's growing on me. ;)

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Elizabeth
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Elizabeth wrote a review Review · Sep 8, 2005

Last night, you walked me to my door
but there was no kiss or hand-holding, there were lilies
instead of roses, their tiny trumpets silently sounding
the things I've tried so hard to stifle.

That's how I should have dumped him....
Hmm...
Now careful dear Brad, don't let Colton get "bet us ween" ;)



There is nothing to fear from someone who shouts.
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart