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Young Writers Society



2 Part Love Poem: 2nd Edition

by yoha_ahoy


This is a beautiful poem. I really, really like it. One thing though... the first line of your second stanza in Part 2 you have "bet us ween" which I believe is supposed to be "between us." I think you might want to Edit that. Otherwise it's great!


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Thu Sep 08, 2005 4:43 am
Crysi wrote a review...



I like what you've done with it - even if you did just add an intro.

And personally, I think the "bet us ween" is genius. I read it and laughed because it was so unexpected and brilliant.

What is there to say about it? Your writing seems to be getting more... human, I think. More emotional, perhaps.

Oh, and that stanza I said I didn't like earlier... I think it's growing on me. ;)




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Thu Sep 08, 2005 12:25 am
Elizabeth wrote a review...



Last night, you walked me to my door
but there was no kiss or hand-holding, there were lilies
instead of roses, their tiny trumpets silently sounding
the things I've tried so hard to stifle.

That's how I should have dumped him....
Hmm...
Now careful dear Brad, don't let Colton get "bet us ween" ;)





“It doesn’t matter what you are, it only matters what you do. It’s your choice.”
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