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Hi Yastika!

This was a very short chapter, so excuse the shortness of the review! I have done my best, but because of its length there wasn't too much which needs pulling out.

What I liked about this chapter had to be how we already got a bit of an introduction into the title and why you chose it. It's clearly evident this whole novel has something or a lot to do with bling and money, and somehow Christine is going to end up tangled in the middle of everything. I am also liking how the story is steadily progressing. I was wondering what would happen to her once she found herself deserted and all alone, but you handled it nicely. I also liked the touch of having her talk to herself every now and again, because without it the chapter might turn into a bit too much narration and that way it can seem chunky. But you should have no fear of that!

One thing I noticed was that when the bright light shone in Christine's eyes you never made a mention to her closing her eyes because of it . But you later on go on to say that she fluttered her eyes open. I am wondering how it is possible for her to open her eyes when they are already open? Make sure you mention that her eyes reflectively close in response to the brightness. That should clean everything up here.

I also felt like this chapter needed some more desperation and hopeless. I don't mean the words repeated - but actions to show this. After Christine has found some water she acts like that is all she is going to need to survive. But I think we both know the reality is that she needs to find some shelter now as well as food at some point which isn't potentially harmful. I wonder if she knows what is good to eat or not, or has any idea of a place she could stay in the open? Which is why I feel like this could use some tweaking in terms of emotions. Make the reader understand that a little bit of water doesn't solve her long term problems but instead solely the short terms ones.

I was also pretty confused as to what was happening. What was reality and what wasn't? When she picked up the crystal was she still living reality and understanding what was going on around her? Or was she simply hallucinating because of lack of... well, something. I feel like I don't really understand what was real and what was fake, so it left me ultimately confused.

I felt like nothing that occurred to Christine at the end was enough to make her faint. I feel like she needs to see something less clean and a bit more vulgar for that kind of thing? Which means that she needs to be properly afraid before she faints away. Maybe she ees a ghost or an image that is not really there in the reflection of the pool? It could be anything. Oh, and I felt like that at the bottom half of the chapter here the word 'crystal' was repeated a bit too much for my liking. You could use a bit more variation when it comes to terminology.

That's all I have for you! I did say this would be short, didn't I?

Deanie x

Wow Wow Wow! This is me, Tay01. I must see part 1! Please, please, please, please send me the link to part 1. I cannot stand it anymore. I must read! I love thins prologue part 2, yastika reads! You are awesome at creating this! Please send me link to part 1.

Well ok. err.. this is quite good story. I really liked it. I feel like I want to go back to school and learn everything just to be able to write like you!

One thing though, too much Italics. Just too much. Go for once in a while. You do not have to express everything in Italics, do you. Well no.

You have really expressed a lot. There is so much to admire, now I cannot take my eyes of your wonderful story.

I have thousands to say. But that's all that I can say now. I am basically speechless. I opened and closed my mouth like a goldfish when I read the story. Keep it up, YastikaReads!!!



Thank you.

~~Tay01, Lover and Number One Fan of Walt Disney's Old Film, Finding Nemo.

Hiiyaaaa

First of all, thaaaaaanks for uploading!! It took me a while to understand that you'd edited the previous chapter lol and I was like whaaaat didn't I just read that? XD

Anyways I felt tbis was a good attempt though it wasn't as awesomesauce as the previous one

I felt the beginning was a lottle awkward with a lot of hiccups, and it was only by the middle of the chapter that I felt your writing revert baxk to its awesomeness. All the errors have been pointed out below and I dont have anything more to add.

However I am still interested and would loooove to read more! I really eeally like the story line. Its different

AWESOME

Keep writing!

Hello, this is pretzelsnow here for a review:

I really liked the descriptive lines in this paragraphs. Here are a couple good and bad things that I noticed:
In this sentence:

Thank you, who ever you are, for granting me such luck! ”

Christine doubted it was the police. They were definitely not capable of such stealth.

YES! Yes, yes, yes.

She was no longer on the jagged mountain she had attempted to climb. She was on a crystal rock-like structure was in the middle of a sea of water, half submerged.

"Bling” she said, and fainted, falling into the icy waters below her.