Published January 11, 2015
A/N - I've written and published the prologue after writing the first two chapters since I'm still working on this story, so I hope it isn't too confusing! It's super short, since I didn't want the prologue to give away much information. Hope you like it!
2 Years Before Present Day
“The humans are growing more and more reckless by day,” said the President, standing tall and proud at the podium. A murmur of agreement passed through the members of the parliament, all seated in the vast crystal hall with their heads high. “And yet,” continued the President, clearing his throat, “And yet, we at Criostail, are worried about our security. Along with their recklessness and complete disrespect for the environment, they are somehow learning. They are learning fast and they are using the knowledge they are gaining to breach into the different planets. We, in spite of being the most educated, strong, beautiful planet are insecure! The technology we have developed over the years on Criostail, the beauty we have nurtured in our crystals, was it all for this? Years and years of hard work and research, for this?” He paused, relishing the effect he was having on the crowds. “For so long we have maintained the upper hand, we have known what the earthlings cannot dream to understand, and we knew about them, when they were too young too know about us, we kept them a secret and have indirectly helped them secure their safety. And now they are capable of discovering Criostail!”
Sighs and angry grunts passed through the hall, reverberating off the crystal walls. “Our scientists,” here he nodded at the table of intelligent looking men sitting on one side of the hall, “have come up with a most intelligent way to keep watch on the humans. We shall embed crystals in the seven most isolated parts of the planet Earth. They will catch signals, they will help us keep track of how much they know about the planets, and they will destroy any signal, information, device, memory or data that indicates the existence of our planet. They will be transported to our planet at a regular basis, and the scientists can extract all valuable information from them.”
Everyone in the hall turned to the person seated next to them and exchanged agreeing words and nods. “The crystals are ready,” continued the President, “and will be sent to earth by next month.
We must be careful that they are not discovered. The locations chosen will be visible on the screen behind, Mr. Gratsy will most kindly explain to us the working of these crystals and their positioning.”
A short and intelligent looking man walked onto the stage, taking his place at the podium. “Maidin mhaith, President.” he said, greeting the President, who had stationed himself beside the podium.
The podium, made of crystal, swiveled around to face a glassy screen. Earth, the geoid planet, dressed in blue, green and swirling clouds of white, was spinning on the screen. “First,” said Mr. Gratsy, “the crystals require to be hidden in places that maintain a somewhat cold atmosphere throughout the year, therefore most of the crystals will be embedded in mountain rock, except for two, that are being hidden here-” he pointed out a large island, probably a country, towards the north of the planet, “-and here.” He placed a finger in the middle of a continent covered in ice at the extreme south. “The rest have been pinned by the red dots, this one here-” he placed his finger on a red dot in the middle of raging waters under a peninsular country, “-will be in the ocean. And most importantly, here in a stream, situated on a lone mountain, deep in the heart of Ireland."
Everyone in the hall burst into applause, smiling. After the clapping had died down, Mr. Gratsy continued, “The working of these crystals is quite simple. We have inserted chips with the required data, they will catch signals and inform us of all activity. We will be keeping a special eye all Aeronautical Labs. Thank you.”
There was another round of applause as Mr. Gratsy left the stage, and the President took his place at the podium to dismiss all present in the hall.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,681 Literary Works • 673,591 Reviews
Hey there! Stella here!
So I just happened to click on this and then as I read through "Criostail" sounded very Irish to me, and then they said "Maidin mhaith" and then Ireland came up later!
This was a very interesting concept although I have to say I'm a little confused - where is this planet? Originally I thought it was like the Silurians in Doctor Who, that their civilisation was hidden just beneath the human one. But that doesn't seem to be the case. So I was confused as to why humans would be a threat, what they were going to do. Are there other races in the universe? Why aren't they worried about them? Also, why do the crystals go in the most remote places? Surely one at the bottom of the Indian Ocean (I assumed that's where it was!) isn't going to pick up very much.
The next thing was that your information seemed a little spotty. "NASA situatedin America and all other Aeronautical Labs". Have a look for the names of the others - the European Space Agency? The Indian Space Research Organisation? The Russian Federal Space Agency? The China National Space Administration? It seems bizarre that they would mention NASA and none of these! Try and think not like a Westerner, but an alien who doesn't know that NASA is the most famous space station - in recent years the others have made huge leaps and bounds and I think they all pose reasonably equal threat. The other bit was the "mountain in the heart of Ireland" -- name the mountain. Name the range - Ireland, they always tell us in geography class - is built like a saucer - all the mountains are on the outside and none in the 'heart'. These two things suggest a sense of laziness on your part unfortunately, they quite clearly denote that you 'did not do the research'. If there's something you're not sure about, the internet will know.
Generally I'm against prologues, but I can see why you would want to write this one - I'm assuming we're moving to Earth in subsequent chapters. That said, I'd like to see a little more pizazz, a little more flare. This is essentially just a press conference, and those are fairly dull. This is the start of your story, this is what readers encounter first. Make it exciting for them! What do you want to read at the start of a story? Action, suspense, the very first plot twists! Think about what your prologue is missing, and try write it in.
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
Thanks so much! That was very helpful! I'll make the changes...the next two chapters are already posted, just in case you're interested!