Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
I gather my things into my bag; my journal, phone, and a few pieces of the mint gum I took from my friend. The cool metal of the keys in my hand guides me with an electric force to the front door. Locking my front door with a secure thud, you never know what troubles could shoot your way, and no one could ever take more precautions than on this night.
In 10 minutes I will drive into the driveway of the house belonging to my best friend Claudia, where only the best of our friends come for our annual bonfire at midnight on a certain night each month.
9 minutes, I turn my radio up to full volume, my car thudding to the beat of the Arctic Monkeys.
8 minutes, I'm oblivious to the last gas station in town rolling past my window.
7 minutes, the vibration of my phone tears my gaze away from the night sky as I read the shining obnoxious light, "Get you ass over here! The bonfire can start without you, you know!" -Claudia
6 minutes, the hair on my arms stands up as I look at my empty tank light blinking, shit, I missed the gas station!
5 minutes, the car slowly sputters to a stop dead in the middle of nowhere. Oh fuck, I'm screwed.
4 minutes, I walk in the direction to Claudia's humble abode, and stop to tie my shoes.
3 minutes, a movement in the woods catches my eye. As a force pulls me closer, every bone in my body freezes in terror.
2 minutes, the wolf attacks, clawing with all its might, digging through my bone and flesh, leaving a wine tint to the concrete beneath my body, and bloody paw prints leading into darkness.
1 minute, until I take my last ragged breaths, staring up at the night of the full moon, the night the monsters come out.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
It's an interesting way to tell the story, with the countdown. You do need to work on your writing a bit though. You mentioned it's your first time writing, so I'm sure you'll get better with time, but a lot of the sentences sound a bit off to me. Something that I've heard is a good exercise for new writers is reading it out loud to see how it sounds. Just to give an example "I turn my radio up on full volume," would probably sound better as "I turn my radio up to full volume,". Also in the 7 minute section, you used quotation marks for the beginning of the text, but not the end.
But criticisms aside, it's always good to see new writers, and I hope you continue writing.
Sorry I just saw this! But anyways thanks I didn't even notice these things!
Wow it was cool...I really enjoyed this one.
But you wrote too little about the "wolfy experience"
You didn't even tried to defend. The last line was pretty good, good one, keep writing more stories.
Hello!
. This was a good one for me, nice attempt at writing a short thriller 
. I liked the style of the minutes you used, somehow it added a little thrill like the ticking of the clock synchronized with the character's heartbeat and the escalating fear of the moment.
It always adds fear to the air. Make my skin crawl and my insides churn! 
Be descriptive to mix the emotions 
Sybil here, leaving a few words or so...
I just noticed "Locking my house with a secure thud, you never know what troubles could shoot your way, and Savannah could never be more safe than this night." I was a little confused with the narration. Is the narrator this Savannah character? Or was the narrator referring to someone else?
I think it would also be nice if you described how brutally attacked the victim is
It was a good one! Keep it up! :3
-Sybil (WaltzingDreams)
Thanks for the suggestions! This is my first try at this but I've always had a fascination of writing
and yeah it was supposed to be like savannah as the character but I see how it's confusing. BUT thank you!