Young Writers Society

PROLOGUE

Everybody dreams of seeing how their life will go. Will they get the man or woman of their dreams? Will they succeed in life? Will they fail? Do they get their dream life? How will they die? There’s a reason why we don’t know these things, why we’re better off not knowing these things. Fate is a peculiar thing; no matter what you do it is a greater force than the power of your actions, than the power of your choices. You see I’ve lived by the great words of George Bernard Shaw, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” I believed in this with every fibre of my being and it worked for the most part until life became more unreasonable than George Shaw thought possible. He didn’t take into account that Fate was pulling us all on strings like marionettes. We live our lives foolishly thinking we choose our paths, we guide our life. If it’s shitty we made it that way, if it’s amazing then we’re doing something right. We’re wrong, so caught up in the falsehood that it’s in our control, we are the masters. Wrong. Fate controls you. Every direction you think you’ve chosen, well Fate has chosen for you. Fate chose for me too.

CHAPTER 1

I was walking through my front door when my life changed forever. I didn’t know it then but I know it now and now it’s too late. I ran my fingers through my matted black hair detangling it from the strong fall wind. I saw my lovely boyfriend cooking up a storm in the kitchen, he looked focused as if his life depended on how this meal would taste. I loved that look in his eyes. I met him through the shelter when he first started. God, he was so cute and clueless like a worm tossed into a ring full of birds unsure of his next move. I fell so in love with him, something I wasn’t sure if I was capable of doing. He stole my heart and I’d let him steal it again in a second, this was the man who bettered me. This was the man that looked at me like I was capable of being his everything. He loves me and I love everything about him. His caring nature, his talented cooking skills, the way he makes me laugh and makes my heart shake with that gorgeous crooked smile, also the way his hair falls in his eyes and he tries to blow it away but never gets it.

“Hey babe, what are you cooking?” I asked intrigued by the wonderfully killer smell of spices filling my nose.

“It’s a secret Serenity. Curiousity killed the cat you know,” he looked over his shoulder teasingly as he grinned at me.

“Well Luke, curiousity may have killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back.” I winked at him as I placed my jacket on the back of the chair and fell into my seat; it had been an incredibly stressful day. I was astonishingly lucky to have such a kind-hearted boyfriend who is always taking care of me. I smiled to myself, thinking about how far Luke and I have come and how far we could go.

I scooped up my book off of the table and walked into my greyscale living room. I cuddled up under my faux rabbit fur blanket, I cracked open my book and slid my bookmark out to carry on where I left off. My books were always in poor condition, ratty pages and cracked spines, some of them falling a part and clinging for their old state. A wall of my bedroom was a bookshelf, full of novels breaking page by page. I always carry a novel with me; I like to escape within the pages. You’d think I’d keep my books in good condition but I like the way they look used and worn down, almost like they have a life of their own. This book was my favourite, Looking for Alaska by John Green. I felt my cellphone buzz under my warm blanket that clung to my cold body. I pushed my hair out of my face and checked the caller ID; it was my best friend Abagail. I met her in fourth grade, she was an odd girl but that’s exactly what made her so intriguing to me. Not even Luke could come between us; we swore we’d stick together to the bitter end. We made this saying when we were fourteen, ‘bfflnteeid.’ It means best friends for life never to end even in death, then we didn’t know how true that was but now it’s clearer than a summer day.

I answered my phone, “Hey Abagail.” I tilted my head to the side balancing the phone between my ear and my shoulder so I could continue reading.

“Hey you, are we still on for tonight?”

“I’m so sorry! I forgot all about it and Luke’s making me a surprise meal.”

She sighed, “Well I have a deal for you.”

God I hated her deals, “And what exactly would that be?” I asked as I rolled my eyes and smiled.

“Is that Abagail?” Luke screamed from the kitchen.

I tilted the phone away from my mouth, “Yes it’s Abagail.”

He yelled so loud as if he was desperate and as if they were his last words, “HI ABBY!”

Annoyance filled her voice, “I hate it when he calls me that. Anyways my deal is if you skip today then you have to come with me to the psychic I’m seeing tomorrow. Now hear me out, I know you don’t believe in this stuff but she’s good.”

I sighed, “I’ll think about it.” Luke started walking towards me with a blind fold, oh boy. “Ugh dinner’s ready. I got to go.”

She laughed, “Blindfold again? So either you come today or tomorrow Serenity.”

I rolled my eyes, “Fine. See you tomorrow.”

The enthusiasm poured out of her voice like sugar, “Yay! See you then.”

I hung up and starred at Luke, “Okay blindfold me Boo.”

He gently places the blindfold over my eyes and kissed my neck gently, nibbling. I moaned at the touch of his lips, they felt like satin against my skin. He helped me up and guided me to the table. I felt blindly for the back of the chair and plopped down.

“I made this especially for you,” he whispers in my ear as he places his hand upon my chin. I open my mouth wide as I feel a warm spongey substance touch my tongue. I instantly tasted the meat draped in cheese and hearty tomato sauce.

“Mm, meatloaf. My favourite!” I take my blind fold off and kiss Luke on the cheek, “Thank you Hun.”

We sat at the table across from one another as he talked about his day; even though we both work at the shelter I still adore hearing about the endeavors of his job. He works in the kitchen which is pretty essential within the shelter; I’m the housing director. His passion burns through his eyes like cooking is his livelihood. Our jobs are completely different but both are equally important in making a difference in the resident’s lives. Everyone who goes through the shelter goes through me, they apply and I overlook their applications and meet with them. The goal when I initially meet with the client is to come up with the best course of action to keep them off of the streets. Luke’s job is to cook for them and though it sounds significantly smaller, food is very important to the residents. It means survival, along with a safe place to sleep. Every job at the shelter holds great importance. I’ve had the week off so Luke enjoys filling me in on new residents or workplace drama. You’ve really got to hold your ground at the shelter or staff will walk all over you. Everyone thinks they decide the fate of the residents, that they’re in charge. Of course someone always puts them in their place and it’s typically me.

“You know Sheila right? She smacked a child at the shelter today. I couldn’t believe it. That kid must’ve said something really bad to make her snap like that.”

My mouth fell open and disbelief spread across my face like a wave, “Are you serious? Please tell me she got fired for that. That is incredibly unsound for a parent let alone a stranger.”

He looked at me with caring eyes, “She got suspended Hun. You know how limited the staff is, they need her or else she’d be gone.”

I sighed, “You have to be understanding of the people coming in the shelter, and no one knows what they’ve been through or what they’ve had to do in order to survive. No one knows what they’re afraid of or what they’ve seen.”

Luke began clearing away the dishes, “That’s why you’re housing director, because you understand them.”

He kissed my forehead and whisked himself away with the plates, he was right I did understand them. My mom and I had a very destructive relationship, when I turned eighteen she no longer felt it necessary to keep me in the house. I was on the streets for a week and a half before Abagail and her family let me stay with them. If it wasn’t for her I don’t know where I’d be right now. It’s strange to think that I could be living a completely different life if Abagail hadn’t saved me. I still remember my mother’s harsh decision as if it was yesterday. My father and I had always had an extremely close relationship, I was daddy’s little girl. She used to be different or that’s what dad says at least. She used to be full of love and passion. She would’ve been a great mom if everything wasn’t taken from her. She was left destroyed and an empty shell of whom she once was. Dad said when she was young she went to a party and was slipped what she later assumed to be Rohypnol, she ended up pregnant. She loved her baby regardless of its conception. When her baby passed on to SIDS, she was never the same. She never loved me the way she loved and lost Marissa, in fact it seemed like she just wasn’t capable of it anymore. That’s my sister’s name, Marissa. Ever since then mom lost all hope, love and all the humanity in her died when she lost Marissa. She was too broken and too hurt to even dream of getting attached to another baby. That’s what really destroyed our relationship; it was what really destroyed me. She could never love a baby again; it was too painful for her. She hated me, our unstable relationship haunted me ever since I was able to interpret how she looked at me, the way she treated me. I was everything to my father and nothing to my mother.

One day she called me from school telling me there was an emergency and I needed to get home as soon as possible. Anxiety claimed my body, was it my father? Did someone die? What was going on? I ran home and opened the door with all my might.

My voice shook as I shouted, “Mom?” I dropped my backpack and ripped off my shoes as quickly as could.

“In here Serenity,” she called from the kitchen.

I walked over as calmly as I could with my mind racing from the possibilities of ‘the emergency.’ She was sitting with one leg crossed over the other and her hands folded on the table. Her face was twisted in to anger, “Sit.”

I pulled out the wooden chair as it screeched on the tile floor, “What’s going on Mom? You really scared me.”

She lifted her nose in the air, “Now that you’re eighteen I no longer have to put up with your BS. I never wanted you Serenity. Your father wanted children; you are a mistake and always will be. You could never take the place that Marissa had in my heart and that’s clearly never going to change. Your father may love you but I don’t. I made a family for your father and now that our relationship has fallen apart I no longer feel obligated to pretend I care about you. This may not be the best way to find out but we’re getting a divorce, this has been going on for a while. You are no longer a concern of mine. You’ve got two hours to pack and get out. Anything you leave behind will be thrown out and that’s a promise. I hope I never see you again.”

“What?” I squeaked out as tears flowed down my face like a waterfall, “All of this because I’m nothing like Marissa and you’re getting a divorce? You barely knew Marissa, she was a baby. I don’t understand how you can compare us.” I spoke with bitterness as the situation sank in.

She raised her hand and struck me across the face, “How dare you. You didn’t know her; she could’ve done amazing things. You’re a disappointment. YOU are a disgrace. Get out Serenity. I don’t want you here.”

Those were the last words she’s spoken to me in three years. I spent a week and a half on the streets, a week and a half out of school before I admitted defeat and went to Abagail’s house. Her parents were hesitant to let me stay; they didn’t think my mom said those words to me. They thought I was being mellow-dramatic but when they called my mom she confessed everything. She didn’t care; she was heartless and proud of it. They took me in, got me back into school and housed me until I was twenty. Now here I am twenty-one and more successful than I ever dreamed I could be. I’ve got a wonderful job, a loving boyfriend, my own place, an incredibly caring best friend, an adoptive family (Abagail’s parents), and my father. He wasn’t around when I got kicked out, he didn’t know until I was able to tell him myself. We decided Abagail’s was a better place to be after he moved out of the city. Regardless of my mother’s actions I still wish we could have a relationship, a functional one at that. She’s my mother and I love her for that reason but her actions must be forgivable. Forgiveness gives you the ability to move on.

I listened to the water fall over the dishes as Luke scrubbed away at them, “I love you.”

He turned back and looked at me, “I love you too Serenity.”

I could never hear those words slip out of his mouth enough, “Can we lie on the couch together? I was thinking about my mom.”

He looked back at me again giving me a concerned smile, “Of course.” He finished the dishes and scooped me up off of the chair and carried me like two newly weds crossing the threshold to the couch. I giggled as he carried me and rested my head between his neck and shoulder. He laid down and crawled in beside me, “It’s going to be okay babe and you will work everything out one day. I know it.”

I looked up at him with my head on his chest, “I don’t think she wants that Luke. I mean nothing to her and I always have.” I could feel tears slip from the corners of my eyes, this was hard for me to talk about. “All I want is for her to love me, for everything to be okay between us for a change. I can’t stand her hating me.”

He stroked my hair gently and whispered to me, “You’re her daughter, she can’t hate you forever. She’s probably just angry from the divorce. Can you blame her? She lost two people she loved; you were the only thing keeping the relationship alive. That’s a lot of pressure on a teenager.”

I looked up at him, “I really hope you’re right.” We laid in silence as he played with my hair and held me close. I whispered “I’m so in love with you,” as I drifted to sleep.

CHAPTER 2

I woke up on the couch with no trace of Luke. He must’ve left for work already; wondering what time it is I sleepily rubbed my eyes and sat up cluelessly searching for my phone. It read 2:42; I can’t believe I slept in so late. I already had three missed messages from Abagail. I read through them, the appointment for the psychic lady is at five so we have to leave at four to be on time. I’ve never believed in psychics, the ‘I can predict your future’ act is a scheme. I’ve done a little research and from what I can tell it’s all done by cold reading. Cold reading is when people gain information by body language, age, clothing/fashion, hairstyle, gender, sexual orientation, religion, race, education, manner of speech and so much more. The cold readers use high-probability guesses and pick up on signals to see if their guesses are right and if they aren’t they move on to the next guess. In other words psychics are fakes. Abagail is so excited to include me in the spiritual part of her life; I’ve been avoiding seeing a psychic with her for years. It’s finally time I give this a chance, for her. I shuffled around my house in sweatpants and bootie slippers; half asleep searching for a cup of warm peppermint tea. I placed my favourite mug on the counter and turned on the kettle. I sat back down on the couch with my book, hoping to finish the last couple of chapters before the kettle finished heating up. I scanned the pages quickly as I heard the kettle click informing me it was done. I walked over and poured it into my mug as I dropped a tea bag in and stirred, it turned green. I sipped at my tea slowly as I played spider solitaire on my phone.

I heard a knock at my door and a muffled voice shout, “Serenity open up.” Abagail, damn she was early.

I walked over to the door and placed my forehead on it lightly, “Shh! Serenity is sleeping.” I started snoring, trying to hold back my laughter.

“Let me in,” she whined. I unlocked the door and spread out my arms for a big hug, she ran in to them like she hadn’t seen me in months. She gives me a once over after letting go of me and her brows contort as if she’s unimpressed, “Did you just wake up?”

I laugh at her and shuffle back to my tea, “Maybe.”

She smiles at me lovingly, “Silly girl. I am beyond excited for you to come with me today; I think you might enjoy it. You just have to stay open-minded.”

She sat and chatted with me in the bathroom as I straightened my hair and got myself presentable. “This one time I saw her, Mystic. I know that sounds lame but I’m sure it’s a stage name. Anyways this one time I saw her she told me I was finally going to get lucky in my job search and she asked me where I applied. I gave her a fairly large list and she said I would get a job as a secretary at Smiles, that dentistry place. About a week ago they called me in for an interview and I got the job! I’m telling you S, she is incredibly blessed and talented.”

I gave her a disgusted expression, “Mystic? Does she have a crystal ball too?” I laughed at myself. What have I gotten in to? “You know Abagail what she told you was probably fake. Your confidence after what she said got you the job. Not her prediction.”

She looked down at the floor as if I had just torn her world to shreds, “Serenity please give this a chance, she’s been right so many times. This is really important to me.”

She was right, this was really important to her. Not only has she believed in this stuff since we were kids, she’s filtered through the fakes to find someone she believes is real. I was being harsh and judgemental but I never believed in this stuff. I guess my imagination just wasn’t there. Abagail has been following anything spiritual for as long as I can remember. Studying psychics, learning about afterlives, spirits, and anything and everything in between. “Okay Abagail, I’m sorry.”

We had an hour drive out of town ahead of us and the whole way I was thinking about how I was going to handle this situation. I’m sure psychics see non-believers but rarely get the chance to sit down with them. Abagail was determined that this girl was the real thing, that she could really see and interpret your future. She could direct you away from the broken paths and onto the good ones. At this point, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. We pulled up to a home and Mystic clearly did her work here. That’s not very professional. My instant reaction was to dismiss her based on her unprofessional workplace (and job.) I needed to stay open-minded; I haven’t even met her yet. I’ve got to do this for Abagail. She has done so much for me and is so excited to share this part of her world with me. You can do this Serenity. The outside of her home had no warnings that she was a psychic, just a regular cookie cutter house. It was nice, wooden with brick sections and a large porch that wrapped around the entirety of her home. Abagail and I undid our seatbelts in synchronization.

I looked over at her, “Let’s do this.”

She smiled at me as she opened her door, “Now that’s the spirit!”

I followed her hastily into the house; Abagail walked in without so much as knocking. I assumed this was normal for Mystic’s clients. She was wearing basic clothing with her long blonde hair, her makeup was done tastefully but you could tell that the years of her life had begun to sink in to her face.

“Oh Abagail!” she shouts as she opens her arms and practically scoops her up. She looks over at me as she’s hugging my best friend, “Nice to meet you Serenity.”

A shocked expression forms on my face but I quickly drop it as I realize Abagail probably mentioned my company. “Mystic I presume,” I say more agitated than anticipated.

Mystic places her hand on Abagail’s cheek, “Is it okay if I do Serenity first dear? Fresh blood is always fun.” Abagail looks back at me with a pleading expression glued to her face, begging me to give it a try as if I’m jumping in to a lake for the first time.

She looks back at Mystic, “Of course, if that’s okay with her.”

I thought we’d be going together. I started to fumble with my fingers as I mumbled, “Sure.” I follow Mystic into a beautiful living room space with candles all around creating the only source of light. It looked creepy but I promised Abagail I’d stay open-minded so I continued deeper into the room. There were couches and love seats scattered around making the place look comfortable.

“Sit anywhere you’d like,” she said quietly; I sank into the black fluffy looking chair. I crossed my legs and met Mystic’s gaze as she sat adjacent from me.

“I don’t normally do this with clients but something is telling me I have to. I’m very worried about the way your future is meant to pan out and I’d like to help you stop that. This stays strictly between us, do you understand me? I can’t stand by and say nothing. You deserve to know.”

I don’t think I’ve heard anything eerier in my whole life. “Understood,” I stated skeptically at this bold declaration.

What makes me so different from every other client that she’s willing to share this information with me? Whatever it may be I was getting nervous and that made me wonder if she was the real deal. She wouldn’t want to scare clients away especially if she had any hope of me coming back, which at this point was looking fairly slim. She walked over to me placing her hand firmly around mine and in that moment she changed my life forever. I saw everything from the day I was born to the day I would die. I saw my mother kicking me out, the first time I met Abagail, I saw my father taking care of me as an infant until I was a child, I saw the first time I met Luke, my first day at the shelter, and so much more. Everyday I ever lived flew by like a movie playing in my mind. Then I saw my future, how long I would live and how I would die. Anxiety set in, I could hear my heart thumping and my body trembling at the sight of... well my life. This was the day that changed everything. This was Fate taking control of me until my forever was over.

“What did you just do?” I asked sinking in utter shock.

“It didn’t work? I can try again,” she starts to get up.

“No I saw it. How did you do that?”

“I have a gift Serenity. I’m trying to help you change things.”

I left the room shortly after she had shown me my life and a blank expression was claiming my face. I was shaking, damn near scared of the future. There was no way that could be faked but there was no way she could see everyone’s life from birth to death. I decided to refuse to acknowledge it as real until something I saw happens, IF something I saw happens. How did she do that? Despite deciding to ignore what I saw until proven otherwise, the thoughts were haunting my mind. I sat in the porch of Mystic’s house and I could feel my body sweating from the nerves. That was the most terrifying experience of my life. If this is true, IF these things happen, why show me? Why give me the honour of this gift? Was I able to stop these things from happening? I had to I saw horrific and beautiful things. This cannot be happening.

Abagail walked out with a huge smile and there were no traces of Mystic. For that I was thankful given my current state. Abagail doesn’t usually tell me what happens when she sits down with Mystic, she knows I’m a non-believer. I wonder if Mystic showed Abagail her life, I don’t know what to believe anymore. I also wonder if Mystic got a sense I didn’t believe or saw it herself. So many answerless questions.

We walked back to the car slowly and oddly quietly until I spoke up, “Can I drive?” I needed something to distract me from what I just saw.

“Sure,” she tosses me the keys and jumps in to the passenger side. I start the car and begin our journey home. Home, I just want to curl up into bed and stop these thoughts from entering my head.

“So what did you think?” she asks me curiously as I focus on the road, focus on anything other than what I just saw.

I look over at her quickly, “I’ll let you know when I figure it out myself.”

She laughed and turned on the radio. Why didn’t I think of that? She smiled, “It wasn’t bad though right?”

I started to get nervous all over again, I couldn’t tell her what happened and even if I could I didn’t want to. “I’m really not sure how I feel about it. It wasn’t totally terrible. Thanks for taking me Abs.” She looked so incredibly happy like I said everything she wanted to hear, and maybe I did.

“You’re welcome S,” we drove in silence with music echoing through the car. Driving was a well needed distraction. We got to my apartment and I offered for Abagail to stay for dinner.

“I’d love that. What’s on the menu?”

I unlocked the door and we walked in, “Uhm, I’m not sure. I’ll see what we have in the fridge.”

I looked around and decided upon burgers and salad. I turned on the burner as Abagail began assembling the salad. I fried up the burgers, the scent cascading over my nose as Luke walks in the house from a long day at work. We sat at the table and had conversations of small talk; I constantly tried to avoid the conversation of what happened today. If I couldn’t even tell Abagail how could I tell Luke? This was torture on my brain and undoubtedly my heart. In this moment I understood why people weren’t meant to see their future. I wished more than anything that Mystic was a fake, but how could she take over my sight like that if she was? This was the beginning of the end. There is no way my life could end just like that, so tortured. My future was terrifying and I didn’t wish to know this information but I do. It was rattling in my brain like a caged convict but it wasn’t caged, it was running wild reaching every corner of my mind. I want nothing more than to take back today. There has to be a way I can stop how my future plays out, there has to be.

CHAPTER 3

Abagail left after dinner, Luke and I cuddled on the couch to some TV show. It might not have been random for him but nothing mattered right now to me. All that was soaring through my mind was thoughts of my tainted future.

Luke whispered in my ear, “So how was it Hun? You haven’t said much all night.”

I looked up at him briefly before looking away, nerves claiming my stomach and directing my tongue. “Oh it was weird. I’m not sure what to think yet, I’ll keep you posted. I’m just really tired.” Lies. I can’t stand lying to him but it was my only option. If I wasn’t supposed to know these details of my life then he can’t know. At least until I’m certain this is real, or until I wake from this nightmare.

“Are you sure? You seem kind of off.”

Panic struck my face and I tried to hide it, “Yeah. It’s just been a really weird day, I swear.” More lies. This was killing me; I wanted to confess to anyone, anything that could listen and wouldn’t think I was crazy.

“I’m tired, are you coming to bed?”

I kissed Luke on the cheek and whispered barely audible, “I think I’m going to watch TV for a while, goodnight Boo.”

He kissed my forehead and slipped out from under me, “Don’t be too long Serenity. I’ll miss you.”

He sleepily sauntered off to bed as I re-adjusted myself on the couch. I starred at the TV; it wasn’t enough of a distraction. Was anything going to be a distraction now? I had a blank expression as tears gently rolled down my face, I held myself repeating “This can’t be how it ends.” I can’t stop my future if I can’t prove this is real, no one would believe that a psychic could really tell my future. I wasn’t the only non-believer but it felt more real than breathing. Those vivid images scattered through my brain. Past, present, and future all whirling in my head. I lay down on the couch fearing sleep but closed my eyes regardless. I go back to work tomorrow and I hope that’s enough to take the pain away, keeping myself busy to avoid the thoughts. Sleep came easier than expected but I was silently praying that today wouldn’t replay in my head.

I woke up rather groggy and disconnected. I was dreading waking up this morning. I got dressed and did my hair, going through the motions of the pre-work morning. The exact day of when the events of my life would happen weren’t very clear to me. If it’s true one of these events should be happening within the next couple of days and I have to stop it. I made some apple cinnamon oatmeal and went off to work. I walked in and felt as if I was returning home. I walked to my office giving out the odd hello and how are you’s to people passing by. Just as I began settling in and began waking up my cellphone rang.

I didn’t recognize the number but answered regardless, “Hello?”

“Is this Serenity?” It was a girl, she sounded like she was in anguish.

“Yes this is her. Can I help you with something?”

Her voice became increasingly distorted, “This is Arabella Cyr. I came to the shelter a year ago and I was too young. You gave me your contact number. I need your help... please.”

I remembered that name. A year ago she shuffled into my office with a school backpack, dirty jeans, and a long sleeve shirt. Her hair was long and blonde, it was matted together. She had dirt smudges on her face and smelt like she’d been living on the streets longer than expected.

“Hi Arabella, I’m Serenity the housing director at the shelter.”

She sat down on the other side of my desk and spit out a “hello” quietly and timidly.

I looked at her and smiled, “You don’t have to be afraid in here. I’m here to help. Tell me your story?”

She crossed her legs and looked at me nervously. I could tell whatever she was about to say was very hard for her. “Well I’ve been in high school for a year and for as long as I can remember relationships didn’t come easy for me. No boys stood out, no one impressed me in that way and I thought I just wasn’t ready yet, you know? But I also remember that since I was little if a girl held my hand or hugged me I’d get butterflies and I’d be nervous. I was more comfortable being around guys because they were interested in the girls that gave me butterflies. When I got in to high school I realized that I’m a lesbian. I decided to tell my parents, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I figured it would explain why I’d never have a boyfriend. I just got tired of hiding myself, I thought they deserved to know and that they’d be understanding but they weren’t. They flipped and called me heartless names. Gave me this bag on my back and told me to get my ass out of their house because they wouldn’t tolerate a disgrace living with them any longer. So I’ve been on the streets for about three weeks now. I heard about this place so I applied and here I am.”

My hand found its way to my mouth, “Oh God Arabella. I am so sorry. You are incredibly brave.”

She looked up at me like someone finally understood her but with hesitation she said, “Yeah I’m sorry too.”

I took a minute to try and figure out what I could do for this poor girl, there wasn’t any options given her age. If she was with a parent it’d be simple but it’s not. “Your parents wouldn’t change their minds and take you back, even if I talked to them?”

She looked at me with disgust and anger, “Are you kidding me? After the way they treated me they won’t change their minds. They’re very Christian but I thought they’d understand, and after that episode I don’t want to go back. They left a bruise on my arm from shoving me so hard out the door.”

I sighed and bit my lip; this was going to be a tough one. “I’m sorry Arabella but the programs we offer here wouldn’t help you whatsoever. None of them could prevent you from getting back on the streets.”

Her eyes began to glisten with tears, “There’s nothing you can do to help me?”

This was killing me. This girl was going through a traumatic experience because she was simply being herself and here I am the housing director, the girl who’s supposed to have all the answers with none.

“I’m sorry Arabella. The best I can do is give you my number. The shelter isn’t a place for you. I hope you work things out with your parents.”

I remembered her, “Is something wrong?”

“Yes, can you meet me? I’m at CoffeeZone on Third Street.”

“Sure, I’ll be there in twenty.” I hung up. I began pondering what could be wrong but this job definitely keeps you on your toes. At least it gets me out of the office. I pulled up and parked around back. I walked in and it was quite hectic given most people should be at work.

Arabella sought me out, “Over here!”

I walked over with a professional stride still unsure of what was going on. She had dried blood on her shirt and dirt on her clothes. She still managed to look clean.

“What happened to you?”

Arabella crumpled into my arms with a heavy flow of tears, “I went back home Serenity. We worked things out and...”

Her words were muffled, “Slow down, what happened?”

“Everything was okay for a while. They were cold but I had a home again. They started abusing me and saying I needed to be punished for my sins. They started beating me on Sunday’s after church with a baseball bat and screaming vicious names. They called me a queer and said God wants me to be punished. It’s been going on for months and I can’t take it anymore. They’d starve me some nights or leave me outside for nights on end like a dog. I can’t take the abuse anymore. Please help me.”

Her tears were steadily sliding as she lifted up her shirt, bruises and welts covered her sides.

“Oh my God,” my fingers traced them as she flinched. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you. Can you give me a minute?”

She shook her head yes and sauntered off to the bathroom to compose herself. I called Luke.

“Serenity? Aren’t you upstairs? Why are you calling me?”

I tried to relax myself before speaking, “A young girl came into the shelter a year ago. I got a call from her today, she needs somewhere to stay. I was thinking the extra bedroom would be a good place for her.”

There was heart wrenching silence on his line, “Serenity you can’t save everyone, Send her home, this isn’t safe for us.”

Attitude crept in to my voice, “She’s coming to stay with us. Sending her home isn’t an option. It’s my apartment; you’re either with me or without me.”

He grew rather shocked, “Of course I’m with you Serenity. It’s not the right thing to do. You could get fired.”

I rolled my eyes, “This is exactly the right thing to do.”

He sighed, “If it’s what you need to do then do it. You’re right it’s your apartment and I know these things are hard for you. Let’s do it.”

I smiled to myself, “Thank you. Now get back to work sexy.”

I started walking back towards the table, proud of myself until I realized that Mystic showed me this event. Mystic showed me arguing with Luke until Arabella could stay with me. I fell to the floor in shock, tears gathering in the corner of my eyes. A waitress ran to me as I fell, “Are you okay?”

Everyone was staring at me, this was exceptionally embarrassing. “I-I’m okay. S-sorry.” I stuttered still thinking that my future was already beginning to happen the way it was meant to.

Arabella casually walked over to me, “Can I help you up?”

The waitress began backing off. I shook my head yes like a small child would and offered her my hand. She helped me up and I could feel my body tremble.

We started wandering towards the door and chatter began filling the cafe again. I didn’t care if it was about me, I just wanted to leave. I opened my car door and Arabella climbed in.

“What was that about?” She inquired curiously.

I glanced at her feeling edgy, “I just fainted. I’m okay, I swear.”

We drove to my apartment in silence. I was ashamed of my breakdown and Arabella’s hurting, it was a needed quiet.

I unlocked the door, “How are you holding up? I asked sincerely.

“I’m okay.” I knew she was lying but I didn’t press further. Her eyes widened as she saw the place for the first time, “This is beautiful.”

I smiled at her, “Do you want to have a shower?”

She was distracted by my voice while scoping out the apartment, “Yes I would love one. Where should I put my backpack?”

“You’re going to stay a while, so in your new room. Follow me.” We walked down one of the hallways opposite of my bedroom and she dropped her bag in the doorway.” Across from your room is the bathroom, there’s soap and shampoo. The wash cloths and towels are in the cupboard beside the shower.”

Her eyes glistened, “Thank you Serenity. This means the world to me and then some. Thank you for helping me.”

I turned back as I was walking away, “You’re welcome.”

I knew this was the right thing to do, to let Arabella stay with me. With Mystic’s predication or whatever you’d call it, it was bad. This meant I was on the perfect path to destruction, right on track, directly on schedule. I wanted to wake up from this horrific dream of what happens in my future but there was no waking up. This is reality and what I was shown is real. It’s beyond real, how do I stop these events from becoming my life? What if I change the decisions I saw? I already screwed up this one but morally this is exceedingly right. I was so confused I could barely piece together what Mystic showed me. According to my future I made the wrong decision because I’m riding the rollercoaster utterly downhill until I crash and burn. I wish I could tell Luke. My thoughts poured out like the water running in the shower, slowly but all at once. The future is this impending torpedo and only I have the power to change it. To move my course of destiny onto a better, longer, safer road. Everything I’ve worked so hard for can’t end down a path of destruction. I couldn’t think about work tomorrow, what I was going to make for dinner, how I was going to manage with Arabella here, I couldn’t think of anything important or relevant. All that I could hear in my head is, “You need to stop this now.” And that’s exactly what I was going to do.

CHAPTER 4

I went in to my room and collapsed on my bed in a huff of tears. So many things that were going to happen contributed to my demise. Was it possible to change my future if I make the opposite decisions to these events? Could I even stop my future? First things first, I needed to see Mystic again. I called Abagail.

After a few rings she answered, “Hello?”

Her voice washed over the fear in my heart, “Hey Abs, I’ve got a weird request.”

I could hear her shuffle the phone, “Shoot.”

I sighed, “Can you get me another appointment with Mystic? The only thing is I want to go alone.”

She paused for a second, “Really?”

I laughed, “Yes really. Can you for that for me Abs?”

I could hear her smile, “Yeah, I’ll text you when she’s available but why do you want to go again? What happened miss non-believer?” She said it teasingly but God she had no idea.

“I just have some questions. Thanks Abs, I have to go.”

Just as I was about to hang up she said, “Hold on S. Are you okay?”

No. “Yes, I just have some stuff I have to get to. Thanks for asking, bye.”

As I hung up Arabella was out of the shower, “Hey! Want to watch some TV?” She looked much cleaner.

“Yeah, sure.”

I shuffled out of my room and sat down on my couch, Arabella slowly followed. I let her pick a show; I wasn’t sure what it was. I was getting very nervous; I could feel my insides screaming.

“Arabella?”

She looked over at me, “Yes?”

I bit my lip nervously, “Can I tell you something?”

She looked over at me strangely confused, “Yeah.” She flicked off the TV giving me her full attention, great.

“Promise you won’t think I’m crazy?”

She looked at me generously, “Promise.”

“Okay, so my best friend took me to a psychic and showed me my future and when I say that there was no crystal ball or simple guess. She grabbed my hand and took over my sight. I saw you too. I haven’t told anyone. I’m going to die soon. I don’t know how to stop it Arabella.”

She looked at me taken back, “You haven’t told your best friend or boyfriend?”

I started silently crying, “No. I’m so scared.”

She leaned over and wiped a tear away, “Why did you tell me?”

My face contorted because I didn’t really know why I told her, “I guess I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. Do you believe me?”

She smiled mysteriously, “Yeah I do.” I just starred at her in silence for a few moments, tears like a river flowing down my face. “I hope you figure this out Serenity. You’re a good person.”

The tears just kept falling, “Me too Arabella. Me too.”

We silently watched TV until Luke came home. He came through the door looking exhausted.

He pulled off his shoes and folded his arms across his chest, “You went home from work?”

I started feeling high-strung but I stood my ground, “I fainted in the coffee shop when I met with her.”

His eyes softened, “Are you okay?”

Why was everyone asking me that today? “I’m fine thank you. This is Arabella.”

He smiled lightly and extended his hand, “Nice to meet you Arabella. You are very welcome in our home.” I was so proud of how understanding he was.

She shook his hand, “And your name is?”

He then looked over at me, oh boy. “You didn’t tell her my name? Seriously?” His eyebrows fused together.

“I’m sorry Luke. We honestly haven’t talked much. I’ve been off today.”

Arabella lit up, “I like that name. It’s nice to meet you Luke.” There she goes saving my sorry ass already.

He relaxed a bit and sat down, “So what are you lovely girls up to?”

I leaned on his shoulder, “Just watching some TV but we should order some pizza.”

He kissed my forehead, “Okay Boo. What do you girls want on your pizza?” We all decided upon bacon, sausage, and barbeque sauce. It was the best pizza I’ve eaten.

Luke talked about his day and cuddled up close. Arabella talked about her life, favourite things, memories, and crushes. I listened, I didn’t want to talk. Abagail text me and said that Mystic would be available at six in two days. My mind wouldn’t rest until then, I knew it. I was distracted by Arabella, I felt connected to her in some weird way. She was smart, experienced, and so under-appreciated. She lived a life never being able to please her parents and then they destroyed her. I’m glad I took her in despite it being exactly what helps lead to my death. It’s unnerving and eerie thinking about, well knowing about my death. Everyone knows they’re going to die but at how high of a cost? I fell asleep on the couch and woke to Arabella and Luke asleep by my sides. I got a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach. We looked like a family, it felt like a family. Was that wrong? Maybe even weird? I was going to miss this; my heart was in anguish already. Life without Luke, Abagail, Arabella, and my dad and they would live their lives without me. I needed to go back to bed. I carried Arabella to bed and tucked her in.

Sleepily and feeling rather heavy I woke up Luke, “Hey. Get up we fell asleep on the couch.”

He opened his eyes like the fluttering of butterfly wings, “What?” He looked around and realized we were alone, “Oh kiss me Boo. I miss your lips already.”

I sat down on his lap and kissed him passionately, “Carry me to bed handsome.”

He whisked me away and we fell asleep under tangled sheets in each others arms. That was the night I realized I could never love another. Luke was too good for me and I was the world’s shittiest girlfriend but he loved me anyways. He loved me even though he knew I wasn’t always right and even though he can’t always tell when I’m not okay he’s always there. He sweeps me off of my feet over and over again. There’s nothing I want more than to be with him until I die. He was always saving me but this time I don’t think he can. I remember when I got the call from my mother saying my grandfather was passing. I remember watching my grandfather die and falling in heartache, drowning in loss. I called him and got no answer but even though he wasn’t there right away he was there when I needed him the most. He held me through endless nights of misery and despair. He cured my broken heart and helped me move on. I don’t ever know what I would do without his hand to hold. Sleep beside him was easy but when the alarm went off informing me it was time for work I was beyond okay with it. I woke up and could feel vomit rising in my stomach, oh God no. I threw up over the side of the bed, all over the beautiful floor. No, no, no. There it goes again; I threw up and just added to the pile on the floor.

Arabella came running in, “Oh my gosh, gross!”

She ran over to the side of the bed without vomit and started sliding on the bed next to me. She held my hair as it came spewing out again and again. My stomach was in pain from how harshly I was vomiting.

“C-Can you get my phone off of the table p-please?” I stuttered to Arabella, I could feel the cold sweats running down my back.

I called in to work, they weren’t very happy but I was puking. I’m sure Luke would find a way to blame Arabella for this when it wasn’t her fault. He seemed oddly upset about me missing work yesterday. Arabella laid next to me and rubbed my back while the water she was boiling for tea began sizzling.

“Thanks Arabella, you don’t have to do this. I’m okay; I don’t know what came over me.”

She smiled and caressed my hair, “It’s alright. I’m going to clean that up though so you might want to turn around.”

I don’t know why I keep telling people I’m okay when I’m clearly not. I turned around; she was so helpful taking care of me. She already deserved better than me, great. I had no idea why I was puking, we all ate the pizza and Arabella and Luke are fine so it’s obviously not that. Stress vomiting? I don’t know, God I didn’t care. I just want it to stop, I want everything to stop. I couldn’t wait to speak with Mystic and I never thought I’d be saying that. My future has made me physically sick from all the stress it’s causing.

I cried and Arabella heard me, “Are you okay?”

Oh my God, can people stop asking me that damn question? I’m not okay. Can’t you tell? I’m falling a part piece by piece until soon enough there’s nothing left. I can only handle so much and this was something I couldn’t handle. How could anyone handle this? I can’t imagine what Mystic lives with day to day; I can’t believe I even care about how she feels. Psychics weren’t my thing, they weren’t real to me but they are real.

“No I’m not okay,” I finally admitted defeat. I surrendered. World take me now. It wouldn’t, of course it wouldn’t. I knew when my time was and it was soon but not this soon.

“I really think you should tell Luke what’s going on. He deserves to know or at least Abagail. Tell someone who can help you Serenity, I don’t know what I’m doing but you’re tearing yourself apart.”

I cried hysterically. How did she know so much for being so young? It’s like everything was so much simpler then, the answers seemed complicated but they were always simple. Just tell him she said and I’d tell her that I can’t because it’s complicated, because I didn’t want to hurt them. I didn’t want them to think I was crazy either.

“I’m not ready,” I murmured. I’m not ready.

I don’t know if I ever would be. I’d hurt them so much and that’s only if they believe me. I got through the day and night alone in my room. Luke slept on the couch; we had the first fight we’ve had in months.

He sat me down at the table, “Serenity, I don’t think you’re really okay. This is the second day of work you’ve missed. That’s so unlike you, what’s going on?”

I rolled my eyes, “Luke you aren’t my father. I fainted yesterday and was throwing up today. I didn’t know I had to check in with you with every little decision I make.”

He began getting irritated, “Is this because of Arabella? We have an extra mouth to feed thanks to you. You can’t keep blowing off work, we have bills to pay.”

I folded my arms across my chest, “Thanks to me? Don’t you dare blame her. She’s been nothing but good to me. I was throwing up, does that mean nothing to you? I barely ever miss work, I’ve been sick.”

He stood up from the table, “Whatever Serenity. Get your shit together. Our lives aren’t games for you to play with when you’re bored.”

He stormed off so I laid down in bed and soaked in my angst. Get my shit together? What does that even mean? Heaven forbid I miss work for two days because I’m sick. I went to bed lonely and angry, avoiding everyone in the house.

CHAPTER 5

I woke up to a quiet void, nauseated beyond relief. As I was getting ready for work I felt better knowing I was going to see Mystic. I threw up twice this morning but made my way to work regardless. I didn’t want to give Luke anymore reason to lose his mind on me about responsibilities. I realized that only half of the fight fit the vivid images Mystic shared. What she showed me had nothing to do with me vomiting. In her vision I stayed home for Arabella twice, so the future can be altered. I can change this; I just don’t know how I managed to do it. Figures. Maybe Mystic would have the answer; I hope she at least had some. I just went through the motions of the work day, feeling nauseated, not like myself, and eager to meet with Mystic. I drove in pure silence letting my thoughts run free. What if she doesn’t have the answers and I’m left to face this alone? I didn’t want that. I have nightmares about my death, I don’t know how to do this on my own, and I’m a wreck. I’m a mess, I’m far from okay. I pulled in to Mystic’s driveway with sweaty palms and a clouded mind. I had lost the words for everything I wanted to ask. I walked in to the porch and opened the screen door just like Abagail did. I knocked and waited with overflowing anticipation.

She opened the door with a smile, “Serenity? I thought I’d be seeing Abagail.” That sneaky... “But I figured I’d be seeing you again.”

I could feel myself getting distressed, “That isn’t very funny.”

Her expression dropped with sadness, “I’m sorry dear, come in.”

I followed her but this time she didn’t take me to the living room lit by candles, she took me to the kitchen and made me tea. I sipped at it slowly, “Why would you show me my whole life from birth to death, why me?”

She gave me a once over, “Because you still have a chance. I can see that you already messed with Fate. It won’t like that. I’m surprised I didn’t pick up on it earlier.”

I grew rather disgruntled; I changed it by getting sick? “How long have you had this gift?”

Her smile wavered, “Since I was a child. I used to think they were day dreams but they never were...”

I shifted on the stool, “Can I change what happens? Is it definite?”

She gave me a look like I was dumb for asking, “You already have but it won’t be easy. Fate has a way of always getting what it wants one way or another.”

My brows fused together, “How did I change it?”

She spit out her tea as the laughter flooded from her vocal box, “You really don’t know? I’m not sure; I guess it’s some sort of a fluke, perhaps even a miracle.” What does that even mean? Sadness became my permanent aura and after a few moments Mystic spoke up, “I’m deeply sorry Serenity but maybe you can change it. Maybe you’re different.”

A tear ran free, “I can barely remember anything you showed me. I only realize after it happens. It’s like Deja vu.”

We sat and drank tea while making small talk. I left with answers but also more answerless questions. I turned on the radio and made my way home. Miracle? I’m sick; in what universe is that a miracle? Oh my God... I haven’t gotten my period in at least a month. I scrambled for my phone and dialed Abagail’s number. It was connected through Bluetooth; I placed my phone on the passenger seat.

It rang three times, “Hey S. How was Mystic’s?”

Tears rolled down my face for what felt like the millionth time. This cannot be happening, “Abs, I think I’m pregnant.”

She gasped, “What? How do you know?”

I wiped a tear away, “I don’t but Mystic hinted at it.”

There was a long pause, “Can you come here? I’ll grab a test.”

I put a brave face on, “Thanks Abs, see you soon.” I drove pedal to the floor until I got to Abagail’s. I didn’t even knock.

I just walked in, “Serenity is that you?”

She said it so timidly, “Yes it’s me.” Who else would it be?

She came running out, “I hope you have to pee.”

She placed the test in my hand and rubbed my arm gently. I went alone, well of course I did. I was so nervous; if I’m pregnant the baby will die with me. That isn’t fair, that isn’t right. I waited for the stick of doom to tell me if I was or wasn’t. Positive. Oh God no, this was cruel. Tears spilled and I dropped to the floor sobbing. Seven weeks pregnant. Abagail came running in.

The stick of doom was on the floor, “Oh S. You’re pregnant. Congratulations! I’m going to be an aunt!” She looked down at me, “Why are you crying? Smile S, you’re preggers.”

It was in that exact moment I realized that I should be happy. Some people go their whole lives dreaming for what I have and even if it was going to be taken away it’s mine for a moment.

“I’m pregnant Abagail,” I smiled as tears still slid free. Luke! “I have to go. I need to tell Luke.”

I bolted home and there was Luke and Arabella watching TV. “Luke, babe.”

He looked at me with my tear stained face, “What’s wrong Serenity?”

He stood up and held my arms gently, “We’re... we’re pregnant Boo. We’re having a baby.”

His eyes glistened and Arabella stood up, “We’re having a baby?”

I smiled and shook my head ‘yes.’ He kissed me gently with love and I never wanted it to end. Our love would stain my heart even in the after life. We were having a baby and I hoped that Luke would be able to keep him or her, more than anything. He deserved a baby. He deserved to keep a piece of me if I die.

I got up the next day for work, trying to find happiness in what I have not what I won’t have. I was holding on to the possibility of changing Fate tightly. When I walked in to my office and saw my supervisor and the owner of the shelter I knew what was happening. Commence the Deja vu. Well there’s really no changing Fate’s mind on this one so I might as well roll with it.

“Good morning Serenity. Can you take a seat please?”

I really did know where this was going. “What’s this about?” I asked knowingly trying to find an escape route.

I knew exactly what was going to happen, so why bother staying? My soon to be ex supervisor was doing all the talking, “There’s rumour that you are housing an old potential client. Her name is Arabella Cyr. Someone saw you with her in the coffee shop, you fainted. What happened to her Serenity?”

Should I lie? Bend the truth maybe? I know how this ends and regardless I’m screwed. “I took her home with me, she was being abused and was rejected from the shelter due to her age. Does it matter what I did? I helped her because our shelter refused someone in need. All of this because she’s too young? Is there even an age for homelessness? Sheila assaulted someone and gets suspended but I save a life and get twenty questions. This shelter is so backwards.”

She sighed and exchanged glances with the owner before letting hideous words fall off of her tongue, “I’m sorry Serenity, it’s clearly stated in the code, no forms of contact with potential or previous clients. You’re fired.”

This is where I lost my mind.

“Are you kidding me? ASSAULT, did you not hear me? I’m getting fired for helping yet you suspend someone for assault? I do my job. What Sheila did could result in charges, what I did was change someone’s life for the better. This is bullshit. It’d be such a shame if a rumour about that assault were to get out in the public. But what if what I did got out in the public? People would be thankful that there is someone out there who cares about a stranger so much.”

Needless to say I was escorted out by security. I sat in my car, crying with my head resting on the wheel. What am I going to do now? It seemed like crying was my best friend now. Oh my God, Luke is going to kill me. I screamed loudly in my car, releasing everything I’ve been holding back. I began driving out of the parking lot trying to regain my composure. I can’t believe they fired me, even though I knew it was coming. What does Sheila have that gives her a ray of protection? The shelter is so corrupt. I came home to Arabella on the couch reading one of my novels.

I startled her when I walked in, “Serenity? Why are you home? I’m really sorry I borrowed one of your books I hope you don’t mind.”

I sat down next to her, “Of course I don’t mind. Reading is very stimulating, I’m glad you read. I’m home because I got fired.”

She puts the book down promptly, “You got fired? What happened?”

I placed my hand on her shoulder, “For housing you but Arabella, none of this is your fault. I made my choice and now I deal with my consequences. I made the right decision and no one can tell me differently. You’re a part of the family. I regret nothing involving you.”

Her eyes glistened, “I don’t want to bring you down with me.”

I moved my hand to her chin and looked deeply in her gentle field of green eyes, “You are not bringing me down and you sure wouldn’t be here if you were bringing yourself down. You’re brave and strong, you don’t need me to tell you what you’re worth. You already know, so smile beautiful girl. Have faith, but for now let’s go live a little and do something fun.”

She fell in to me with a hug, “Thank you. What did you have in mind?”

“Let’s go to the beach,” I said with a smile.

Arabella looked awfully taken back, “In the fall?”

I laughed, “It’s an adventure isn’t it?”

Happiness was scorched in to her face, “I’ll get my bathing suit.”

I grabbed mine too and we jumped in to the car. It was a half an hour drive to the beach. I played my music in the car.

Arabella was fixing her hair as she said, “Luke’s going to be pissed off isn’t he?”

I snorted out a laugh, “Probably but that’s my issue not yours.”

Her expression grew complex, “Did the psychic show you that you were going to get fired?”

I could feel sadness dawning on my face, “Yeah she did. Everything’s like Deja vu until right before or during the moment. It makes it hard to change things. I think I have the biggest moments planted in my head. Those definitely can’t happen the way I saw them.”

“Have faith,” she said taunting my words as she winked. Crafty girl.

We pulled up to the beach, it looked empty and yet still breathtaking. I knew the water would be chilly but I was excited nonetheless. It was a beach day. I was going to enjoy it like it was my very last beach day and it very well could be.

Arabella and I walked the shore line in our bathing suits; it was giving me goose bumps. For some reason this made me feel down right exhilarated to swim.

“This is cold; I think you’ve lost your mind.” Arabella said with a crooked smile.

“I think this is called living,” I winked at her. “Let’s go!” I grabbed her hand and together we ran in to the dark blue abyss of the beach. Water splashed in my hair, on my face and drenching my skin in bitter cold glorious freedom. The water was definitely cold but it made the heat inside my body radiate.

“Oh my God, brrr!” Arabella piped up as she ran her fingers through her hair like a supermodel.

I looked at her in all her graceful glory, “I just wanted you to know that I’m proud of you for being yourself. You’re so young and probably the bravest person I know. You’re going to be an amazing woman and you’re going to make some girl very happy one day. I’m jealous of the way you face the world. Never forget or deny who you are Arabella.”

Despair filled her eyes and leaked through her voice, “I wish my parents felt that way. I wish I could feel my bravery but thank you Serenity. I don’t want you to think I’m selfish but what happens now that you’re pregnant?”

I was appalled by that mere question, “I meant what I said Arabella. You are here until you give me reasons to kick you out. You’ve been well behaved. I trust you. You’re a part of the family. It’s going to be like having a sister or a brother.”

She smiled sheepishly, “Thank you for everything that you’ve done. I trust you too and I’m really scared about you dying Serenity. Have you told anyone yet?”

The mood instantly changed, “No I haven’t told anyone and I don’t know if I will ever want to. I think it’s time you did meet my best friend though.”

She immediately perked up, “Really? I’ve heard so much about her.”

We swam around for a while longer growing a custom to the water. It was relaxing and I loved spending time with Arabella. She’s just another reason I have to stop the future before it’s too late.

CHAPTER 6

We drove home wet, the windows down blowing us dry. I called Abagail and she is bringing a guest of whom I haven’t met to dinner tonight. I’m a little excited and a little nervous. I told her a bit about Arabella and I’m just hoping that all goes well. Arabella and I blasted music and began preparing tacos for a feast of five. I text Luke earlier and told him that I got fired and that Abagail and whoever she was bringing were coming for dinner. The doorbell went off which means that Abagail must’ve beaten Luke here. Thank God for that one.

I was washing the lettuce as I glanced at Arabella, “Can you go get that?”

She shook her head yes and skipped happily over to the door. She fixed her hair and smoothed her clothing before answering it, “Hi Abagail, I’ve heard a lot about you it’s so nice to meet you.”

Abagail extended her hand, “I didn’t know Serenity was going to use you for child labour. It’s nice to meet you.”

They shook hands and I grabbed an oven mitt and threw at Abagail’s face. “It is not child labour! Where’s your partner in crime?”

I heard a voice quietly speak up, “She hasn’t let me in the door yet.” It was clearly a mans voice.

She moved aside and let him in, “I’m sorry.” She giggled, “So this is Aiden. I’ve been seeing him for a little while; I didn’t want to tell you until I knew what I was doing with him.” She ran her fingers through his hair. Aiden and Abagail, how cute. He was the complete opposite of her; she was light and blonde with baby blue eyes. She had fair skin, with the odd tattoos left to discover in the security of nightfall. Aiden was tanned but only a few inches taller than my best friend. He had dark hair and deep brown eyes. He was built and appeared to have a tribal tattoo on his left arm. They almost looked like ying and yang, like they were meant to come together to become one. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close, his figure made it look like he could protect her.

“Nice to meet you Serenity, I’ve heard so much about you. I could probably tell you you’re whole life story. I brought Cards against Humanity to play after dinner. It’s an interesting game.” He chuckled.

I smiled at him sincerely, “Sounds like a blast. You up for a vulgar card game Arabella?”

She laughed, “I can handle anything.”

Just then Luke walked through the door and the whole party of five was here.

He hugged Abagail and put his hand on Arabella’s hair and roughed it up. “I’m Luke, Serenity’s boyfriend.” He extended his hand towards Aiden.

“Nice to meet you Luke, I’m Aiden.” They shook hands and it seemed like they were battling with their masculinity.

Luke finally released Aiden’s hand, “So what’s for dinner beautiful?”

I smiled, “Tacos. If everyone sits at the table then I’ll bring it all over.”

Everyone sat down and Arabella and I brought over all the makings for tacos. We started eating with the radio playing lightly in the background. “So Aiden, tell me a bit about yourself?” I glanced over at him and he smiled.

“Well I work for a scuba diving company, I’m an instructor. I met Abagail at the dentistry place when I went in for some work. We’ve been on a few dates. I have one brother and my parents are no longer together. I’m pretty close to my brother. I got in to the whole scuba diving business because I wanted to see the world, or maybe just a different part of it. I was a pretty shy kid, so I mostly did my own thing. I’m still kind of like that. Oh and my favourite colour is red.” He laughed and looked over at Abagail as if he loved her already.

Luke swallowed his food and cleared his throat, “That’s pretty cool. Serenity and I met at the shelter. Which by the way, did she tell you she got fired from that job Abagail?”

I mentally rolled my eyes. Why does he feel the need to share my information? Abagail looked frazzled and unsure of what to say. “No I didn’t tell her Luke. It just happened and I’m pretty sure we all knew it was going to happen eventually. That’s the choice I made when I took Arabella with me. I don’t need to be ridiculed for my decisions and what happens after I make them. I also don’t think this is a very good dinner subject.”

Arabella cowered in her seat and Abagail rubbed my arm, “You are right, this isn’t dinner conversation and you shouldn’t have to justify your choices.”

Aiden picked up his glass and looked over at me, “Here’s to new beginnings.”

I smiled and glanced at Luke. He looked crushed; like he knew what he said was insensitive. Abagail, Arabella, Luke and I rose our glasses and spoke in unison, “Here’s to new beginnings.”

The night got better from there, Luke apologized saying he’s just worried about me. We started playing Cards Against Humanity and it was hilarious.

Luke got the first black card, “What is my superpower?”

Everyone giving an answer card looked around nervously and we placed them all in a stack.

Luke cleared his throat, “Okay. What is my superpower? And the answers are a tribe of warrior women, used panties, the force, and friendly fire.”

Everyone burst out laughing after he read it.

He chose the force as the winner and Arabella burst out a loud, “YES.”

It was my turn to read off a black card, “I got 99 problems but ____ ain’t one. You guys better make this one good.” I smiled at them as they all shuffled through their answer cards.

I began reading them, “I got 99 problems but spectacular abs ain’t one. I got 99 problems but 72 virgins ain’t one.” We all started giggling before I finished reading; this is an incredibly dark game. “Okay guys, I got 99 problems but sniffing glue ain’t one. I got 99 problems but poor life choices ain’t one.” I laughed silently to myself, “I pick the sniffing glue one.”

Abagail got right up in Aiden’s face, “HAH I told you I knew her well!”

Aiden hung his head low, “Yeah yeah, you win that round.”

Then it was Arabella’s turn to read, “Dear Abby, I’m having some trouble with ____ and would like your advice.”

Abagail’s face reeked of anger, “Of course they pick my name.”

Arabella had a huge smile on her face as if it would never go away, “I’m excited for this one.” She picked up everyone’s cards out of the pile and read them off, “Dear Abby, I’m having some trouble with self-loathing and would like your advice. That one’s weak compared to what you guys can give me.”

Luke slumped back in his chair, “I suck at this game.” He then began laughing at himself. It was nice to see him smile genuinely.

Arabella carried on, “Dear Abby, I’m having some troubles with the true meaning of Christmas and would like your advice. Dear Abby, I’m having some troubles with road head and I would like your advice.”

I began laughing hysterically and Abagail didn’t look pleased, “That’s definitely something we’d come to you about Abs.”

She smacked my arm and started laughing with me, “Shut up.”

Arabella read the last one, “Dear Abby, I’m having some troubles with concealing a boner and would like your advice.”

Arabella started giggling childishly before she made a decision, “I like the boner one.”

I nudged Luke, “That one’s mine. Looks like the women own this game.”

We played for a while longer, probably until our stomachs were in pain from all the laughter. It was a lovely evening. I was incredibly grateful for it and everyone involved. My friends have my back, and even though my family isn’t in the best place right now they were trying to have my back too. Luke and I cleaned up after Abagail and Aiden left. Arabella watched TV before sauntering off sleepily to bed. Luke and I laid in bed for what seemed like days just talking. I wasn’t sure why he didn’t want a good night’s sleep for work but I didn’t have a job to go to tomorrow so I didn’t mind soaking in as much of his company as I could.

His hand was slipped under my shirt on the small of my back and he pulled me close, “Serenity you know I love you and I know I haven’t been reacting to your situation in the greatest manner but I have no idea what’s going on with you. I feel so lost right now because my anchor is swinging all over the place and I don’t know how to catch her. Why won’t you tell me anything? What’s going on with you? First taking Arabella in and now losing your job. You’re making decisions so recklessly and I have no idea what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.”

I placed my head on his bare chest; I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to be his anchor right now and I want to be more than anything. I can’t tell him what’s really going on. “She needed the help Luke. I couldn’t leave her to the streets and if losing my job was the risk then fine. I’m willing to take that risk to save at least one youth from the streets. The shelter is so ageist and it isn’t fair. Aren’t you glad I took her in? She’s like family Luke and she’s been nothing but good to us.”

He started caressing my hair, “S you’ve turned away so many people before. I don’t understand what made her different.”

I sat up and looked down at him, “She was the youngest one to come in to the shelter with zero support and no where to go. I knew that this was my chance to do for someone what Abagail’s parents did for me.”

He pulled me back down to him and kissed my forehead, “I get that. What are we going to do with the baby on the way? You don’t even have a job right now.”

Oh, if only he could know. If only I could muster up the strength and give him the burden of this information but that’s exactly why I can’t. I’m worried that he’d take it hard or he’d think I’m crazy. Both of those reactions won’t help the situation at all. This was something I had to do on my own. I want nothing more for Luke and Abagail to know what I’ve seen but it’s better for them if they don’t know.

“I don’t know Luke. We’ll figure it out, we always do.”

He brushed my hair out of my eyes and tucked it behind my ear, “I don’t want to screw this up Serenity. We’re having a baby. I just want everything to be perfect for us and for our baby. I don’t want to struggle with bills or jobs. I just want our family to be safe and happy and to not have to worry financially.”

I kissed his nose, “We’ll be okay. Everything will be perfect if we have each other and that’s all that matters.”

We fell asleep wrapped up in each others bodies, draped over each other like silk. I never felt so in love while falling asleep, but when we woke up in the morning it was heart wrenching to find him gone. Gone to work. He wasn’t here to keep me safe anymore, he wasn’t here to make me feel like I can beat this game life is playing with me. I know it’s only a few hours until he’s back but he had no idea what kind of strength he was giving me last night. I heard a faint song playing in the background of my home. I stumbled out of bed and peaked behind the half closed door. I noticed flower petals on the ground and candles lit around the apartment. It looked well lit by the candles so all of the curtains must be closed. Then it hit me. I backed away from the door realizing what was going on. I saw this moment. Luke was going to propose to me. Oh my God. I wasn’t sure whether to feel excited or to be disappointed because we may never get the chance to marry. I took a deep breath and fixed my hair quickly.

I opened the door and walked towards the petals and candles, “Luke?” I said with a trembling voice.

“In here Boo,” he spoke with confidence. That made me more nervous.

I stopped on the path of light and flowers, “What are you doing home?”

“Can you just come here you silly girl?”

I started following his voice which led to the living room. He was standing there with a vase of roses and he was dressed rather fancy considering it was nine in the morning. I never really saw Luke as the kind of person who would go all out for a proposal but God was it ever beautiful. My heart was fluttering alive in my chest.

My voice shook, “What are you doing Luke?”

He walked towards me and put the vase on the table. He grabbed my hand and led me to the couch; I followed like a trained dog. “Can I tell you a secret?”

I smiled at him slightly amused and also nervous, “Sure.”

He got off of the couch and went down on his knees in front of me.

I started getting increasingly nervous, “Luke, get up.”

He put his hand on my cheek and laughed, “Serenity from the moment I saw you in the shelter I wanted something to do with that mysterious beautiful girl. You saved me and we’ve only grown together ever since. You made me fall in love with you. I’m in love with that smile and that laugh, the way you tell me to get up because you’re nervous, well I’m nervous too. You’re carrying our child S and I am so in love with everything you are. I’m excited to see where you’ll take your career now; I’m excited to see you be a mom. I’m excited to make a life with you. I love your stubbornness and bold ideas even though it pisses me off time from time, I love the way you argue. I love that kiss and that touch and those gentle eyes. I like it when you get messy and relax, I love it when you’re dressed up and want to go out. I love it and I want it all Serenity. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. So my secret is that I am so in love with everything you are and everything we are and could be. So S, will you marry me?”

He pulled out a ring and it was absolutely stunning, my hand found its way to my mouth and I was crying. I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t even know if I’d be alive to marry him. I took a deep breath and thought it through, “Yes Luke. I’d love to marry you.”

He threw his arms around me and picked me up. I was in his arms and in half of a moment I found his lips pressed to mine. In that moment I was his and he was mine and there was no stopping it. Roaming hands on each other’s bodies, lazy kisses under tainted sheets. We made love into the afternoon. This was the most alive I’ve felt since I watched my whole life unfold before my eyes. In this moment my dreams were a reality. In this moment I had everything and I would hold on to it for dear life.

CHAPTER 7

The weekend came and it was as if I was living THE dream. Everything seemed better at home right now, and even though it was so possible I could die in days, weeks, or even a few months, I was happy. I was living the moments like they were my last and everyone’s company means so much to me. This was my makeshift family, and I was the broken piece that somehow brought them together. Luke and I went on a small trip to celebrate the engagement. I found myself kayaking on a lake, under the security of caves. We were surrounded by bright green ferns and trees, the lake glowed with a turquoise shine rolling in the gentle waves. It was colder when we started kayaking under the caves but it was beautiful, the water echoed off of the walls. There was birds chirping all around, and you could see the fish through the water as the little bubbles fell from their mouths and floated to the surface. It was the most incredible experience of my life. It was almost like I was living someone else’s life, seeing things through the eyes of someone else. Everything seemed new and full of life, even me. It was just Luke and I; we dropped Arabella off at a friend’s house for the day. This day was entirely ours and the only possible thing that could ruin it was nature. Nature seemed to be on our side that day. We probably kayaked for well over an hour. There was so much to look at and even though we were silent most of the kayaking trip, we really bonded. We acted as one silent person taking in the radiating life surrounding us. We made up for the silence later when he surprised me with a picnic. We started driving someplace I’ve never been before and that made me wonder how Luke knew where he was going.

“Where are we going?” I asked confused, given the impression that we were on our way home only to be misled.

“It’s a surprise Serenity. You aren’t mean to know.” He flashed me one of those cheeky smiles and it melted me like a freshly lit candle.

“Okay,” I said staring out the window awaiting our new destination.

He stopped the car and got out; he grabbed a blanket and a basket from the back of the car. I wondered when he got it in there. He began trekking towards a canopy made of trees, I followed hastily. He laid the blanket down and began unpacking the basket. There was little sandwich’s and small treats, my eyes however were instantly drawn to the chocolate covered strawberries. They were stereotypical picnic date, but I think that’s what makes them so great.

He sat down and I copied his every move, “This is beautiful Luke.”

He had a shy expression dawning over his face, “Can I tell you another secret?”

I kissed his cheek and nuzzled my way into his arms, “Yes, I’m quite fond of your new secrets.”

He smiled, “I found this place when I was in high school. It was a safe quiet place to unload and to think, it was the place that worked magic around my thoughts and made everything make sense again. I came to this place the first day at the shelter, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to survive that crazy environment. And then there were thoughts of you, and how I needed to find a way to get you. This is where I came before I decided to propose. It may seem weird but for a while this whole entire place has been a focus point for me in our relationship. This is where I’d go after every fight and when I needed to figure anything out. This place means everything to me; it’s led me to every right path. It led me to you.”

If I thought that crooked smile melted my heart than I was an inferno right now. I could feel my cheeks cascading with a blush; I could feel my heart ignite when he said those words. Those words meant everything to me, and so did he.

I tilted my head and acted as if those words were meaningless, “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

He chuckled, “It was a secret place, but now I know it’s not just me anymore. It’s us, this is our place. We can come here and celebrate the years ahead of us, or come here when we’re upset and yet still be together. This will be our place, and our place will provide us clarity in our most challenging moments, I know it. “

I pressed my forehead against his, “I love you Luke, more than anything in this world. There is nothing I want more than to be yours until I die.”

He smiled and tilted my chin towards his, pressing a gentle kiss upon my lips. “I love you too Serenity. Our love will never die.”

I smiled nervously, he still gave me butterflies. Luke picked up a strawberry and traced it around my lips before plopping it into my mouth. It was sweet and sugar coated, just like us. It was nice to think about spending the rest of my life would Luke, and I knew now more than ever that I would. Our time together would never be long enough. In a matter of moments the picnic supplies were scattered around us and I was on top of Luke. Sensual kisses filled my mouth and sparked my soul reminding me that in this moment I was truly alive.

We drove home under the protection of bright stars, our heads facing out the window but hands tightly knit together. My mind flooded with thoughts of today and Luke, and how much I love him right now. It hit me all of a sudden a reminder of what I’ve been trying to forget, the goddamn future. Tomorrow is Arabella’s birthday and it hit me like a ton of bricks when the image passed my eyes for the second time. My father getting hit by a truck on the way to Arabella’s party to meet her for the first time. He never got the chance to, and I never got the chance to see him one last time.

“S-stop the car!” I screamed at Luke.

He looked over at me hastily and back to the road, “What?”

I could feel the panic setting in to my eyes, “Pull the hell over.”

He gave me a concerning look and moved to the side of the road gracefully, “What’s goi-” I cut him off before he could finish by jumping out of the car and slamming the door.

He followed me probably losing his mind over what was rattling around in mine; my shaky fingers dialed my father’s number as I tried to get as far away from Luke as possible.

Within two rings he answered, “Hey baby girl, how are you? I’m so excited to see the fam jam tomorrow.”

The relief that washed over me as I heard his voice was incredible, “Hi daddy, please for the love of God do not leave the house tomorrow, do not drive, do not go anywhere. Understand? The party won’t be tomorrow but the day after instead okay? Do not leave your house tomorrow. I know it sounds paranoid and probably creepy but please don’t go. Do you trust me?”

Luke came rushing behind me, “What do you mean the party has been moved? What’s going on?”

I ignored him as my dad spoke softly as if he understood but still like he was slightly amused by my request, “Yeah I can do that darling. What’s going on? Is everything okay? You sound really serious about this is someone coming after me?” He laughed.

“This isn’t funny dad. Stay home. I love you okay? Don’t forget that.”

He sighed, “I love you too but you better hope I don’t run out of milk or anything then.”

I laughed, he knew how to ease the tension, “I’ll grab it for you then. I’ll text you with details about the party later. Bye daddy.”

I hung up. And turned to see Luke only a few inches away from my face, sadness etched in to his eyes. “What’s going on babe? You had me pull over so you could call your dad and move the party? This makes no sense.”

I bit my lip and looked down at the ground, “It’s complicated, you wouldn’t understand. I barely understand myself.”

He placed his hand on my chin and lifted my head, “Try me, I’m always here for you and ready to listen even if I don’t understand.”

Tears began to slip, “I’m sorry I just can’t.” I walked slowly back to the car.

He bolted after me grabbing my arm, “What the hell do you mean you ‘just can’t?’ We’re supposed to be partners Serenity. Why are you keeping secrets?”

I pulled away from him but in all honesty I just wanted to fall into his arms in a huff of tears and inaudible words. “I just have a bad feeling okay? It’s not a secret. I had a dream about my dad and it just seemed so real. I’d feel better if he stayed home. I forgot about it until we were in the car. It’s been eating me alive. I needed to let him know. I’m sorry okay?”

He ran his fingers through his hair in anger, “A dream? Are you kidding me right now? No one freaks out like that over a dream Serenity. Everyone has nightmares, it doesn’t make them real.”

God, if only he knew.

I started panicking, “Well it might have been the psychic. Call me crazy okay? Lock me up. I can’t explain it.” I dropped to the ground, exhausted from explaining myself, exhausted from my emotions, exhausted from lies.

He got down in front of me, “Baby, I love you. I trust you. You just need to be honest with me. The psychic talked to you about this?”

I sighed heavily, “Just a little bit. Just trust me okay? I’m sorry I freaked out like that. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

He kissed my forehead and grabbed my hand, “Let’s go home beautiful. I believe you.”

I followed him, feeling uneasy. That wasn’t quite the truth but it wasn’t a lie either. It felt a little good to get it out but having a ‘dream’ and knowing that the end of your journey is quickly approaching are two different things. We sat quietly while the radio echoed through the silence in the car. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I don’t really know anything anymore. All I do know is that I’m not ready to die.

I was focusing on the window when my thoughts fell out of my mouth, “Does he really believe me?”

He turned and looked at me, I could sense him. “Why wouldn’t I believe you Serenity? And while we’re at it, why are you talking like that? If you tell me to trust you, I will. I have no reason not to. You’re really not okay though Hun. God damn it, I don’t even know what to do.”

I sulked in my seat, starring out the window again. He’s right, I’m not okay. I’m a disaster. I just hope that phone call worked. I don’t want to tell Luke and Abagail if I don’t have to. If by some chance I can control this, you can bet I’m going to try.

I lay in bed with Luke, thinking about my dad and tomorrow. Silently I was hoping and praying that he would be okay. I hope he trusts me as much as Luke and stays home. Luke was still next to me, I definitely think I freaked him out. Today was supposed to such a good day and I ruined it all because of my screwed future. Luke stroked my hair, we were suffocating in silence. He fell asleep next to his perfect disaster and I lye awake.

I woke up the next day to just the ladies in the house.

I snuck into her room with a pancake breakfast, nudging her gently. “Hey sleepy head, Happy Birthday!”

She rolled over; her face was plastered with a sleepy smile. “Thanks Serenity!”

“You’re welcome, get dressed when you’re done and come find me. Okay?”

I took Arabella to register for school. She seemed nervous but also excited to start over somewhere new. On the drive home I thought it would be nice to talk about it.

“So you start next month at the beginning of the semester. Are you excited about your classes?” I smiled gently.

“They aren’t bad. Not quite what I wanted but I have one class I’m looking forward to. I really enjoy art, and there’s a drama class. I also think a new school is a good start. Maybe I’ll make some new friends.”

I rolled my eyes, “Obviously you are going to make new friends silly girl.”

Her eyes lit up, “Hey! Aren’t we celebrating my birthday today?”

Uh Oh. I forgot to tell her that we moved it to tomorrow. “About that Arabella. I had a flashback to my reading with the psychic and I saw my dad getting into a car accident on the way to our house today. I moved it to tomorrow. I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you.”

I couldn’t really read her expression. Maybe she was disappointed, perhaps shocked? “Oh, that’s okay. I’m glad you saw that before it happened. That would’ve been awful.”

CHAPTER 8

I dressed the apartment up for Arabella’s party. I called my dad this morning and he’s safe and sound, thankfully. I guess you really can change fate. Now I have to wait and see if I still have to change more events or if one is enough to change everything. There are colourful streamers all around and balloons covering the living room ceiling. I bought a cake yesterday for Arabella, just a small personal one but today we are eating homemade cake. I also bought her a journal, I’m not entirely sure what she likes to do in her spare time but you can’t go wrong with a journal. Abagail, Aiden, my dad, and one of Arabella’s friends are coming by to celebrate. I wonder if her parents worry about her or if they realize they made a mistake, that doesn’t matter though. She has a good support system now. One that allows her to be herself.

Luke came in the door with Arabella and her friend.

“Miya this is Serenity.” She had a tan, with dark brown hair and yet glowing blue eyes. She looked like some princess out of a children’s book. I couldn’t believe how gorgeous this sixteen year old was.

“Hello, nice to meet you Miya. Welcome to my home.”

She smiled and extended her hand, “Thank you for having me and thank you for saving my best friend. I wish there was more I could’ve done to help.”

“You’re very polite and I’m glad I can help her. I just wish I had done so sooner.”

Arabella flashed us both a smile as she started taking Miya to her room.

Luke came up behind me, “Aren’t you worried about them having sex?”

I spun around rather shocked. I started bursting out in laughter, “Wow you’ve got a lot to learn.”

Luke giggled slightly, “Well I mea-” He was cut off by my cellphone ringing obnoxiously.

I answered it without looking, “Hello?”

All I could hear was “LET ME IN!” Then it hung up.

I laughed even harder, “I think Abagail is here.”

Luke opened and unlocked the door and in came a running Abagail, “IT’S SOMEONE’S BIRTHDAY!” She had a present in her hands with a big bow and some snacks for later. Behind her Aiden came trotting in.

“Hey guys. Couldn’t help her carry anything Aiden?” I say skeptically as he looks crushed by my words.

He drops his shoulders, “She wouldn’t let me!”

Abagail shot him a dirty look and I laughed, “I’m just teasing. Close the door behind you and make yourself at home.”

We all settled on the couch, everyone had a drink in their hand. The girls were playing Sorry on the floor, Abagail too. Then there was a knock on the door.

Luke spoke up, “Your dad’s here beautiful. Want me to get it?”

My eyes lightened up and I could tell by the way Luke was staring at me, “No let me get it.”

I skipped to the door happily; I haven’t seen my dad in over a month.

I opened a door with a great big, “DADDY!” just like a little kid would.

But it wasn’t my dad at the door. There were two tall male officers, “Hello ma’am. Could we speak with you? I have some unfortunate news.”

As they reached for their hats, I knew what was coming. I didn’t change fate, I just delayed it.

“C-come in,” I said in a shaky voice.

“Ma’am this won’t be easy to hear but your father got into an accident. He was hit by a drunk driver and passed away this afternoon. I’m very sorry for your loss; I wish I had better news to deliver.”

I could see the sadness in their eyes but that didn’t matter. What they had said was as if I was standing under the world and it just couldn’t hold itself up anymore. I couldn’t hold myself up anymore either, I dropped to the floor. “No. No. No.” Tears flew off of my face; I could feel my body shaking.

Luke came running up behind me, “Babe, what happened?” I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.

“H-he’s gone Luke. M-my dad is d-dead...” I stuttered, trying to process everything.

Abagail also came running up, “Thank you officers. We’ll take care of her. She’ll contact you tomorrow.”

They had half-hearted smiles on their faces, “Thank you miss. We’re very sorry.” Abagail shut the door and kneeled on the floor with me.

She looked me in the eyes and that was all it took to make me crack. “A-abby. He’s gone. HE’S GONE. I TRIED SO HARD.” I began sobbing, feeling the weight of my body becoming to much for me to handle, I started falling over into a heap on the floor.

She came behind me and wrapped her arms tightly around me, “It’s going to be okay Serenity. I’m here. We’re all here. I’m so so sorry beautiful.”

I couldn’t even tell if I was broken or angry, maybe I was both. “NO, NO, NO,” I screamed. “Things will never be okay. This is my fault, I was supposed to stop this and I failed. Things are never going to be okay Abby. It’s all over.”

I looked up, forgetting that Aiden, Miya, and Arabella were here. I could see the crushed look glued to Arabella’s face and it wasn’t going away anytime soon. She was crying. I could see it. She felt responsible for this whole disaster.

Abagail moved the hair from out of my wet face, “Hun, I know it feels that way right now and I’m not saying this is going to be easy but we can get through this.”

Luke hovered close by and everyone was just so quiet, all I could hear was my heart breaking and my sobbing.

“OH MY GOD,” I pushed through Abagail and ran out the door. I could hear Luke call after me, “Babe! Where are you going!?”

I got into my car and drove, I didn’t know where I was going but I didn’t care. I was sobbing so hard that I was coughing. How could this happen? I tried to stop it and I failed, I let him down, I let myself down.

This whole situation is just goddamn unbelievable. I’m slowly being forced to see that there is no way out of this. My dad is gone, just like that. One stupid accident and he’s ripped right from underneath of me. I can remember his last words so clearly, they won’t stop ringing in my ears. “I’ll see you this afternoon Serenity. I’m excited to meet Arabella. You turned out to be an incredible woman S. I’m proud I got to help you become this way, love you baby girl.”

What do I do now? I’ve felt lost since Mystic tampered with my life. My dad. I pulled over into a field; I got out and opened up the back of the car. I sat on the edge of the trunk, looking up at the glistening stars. Is that where you are now dad? Are you happy and safe, will I ever see you again?

I was nervous and an emotional wreck, still trying to process what I’ve just lost. “Uhm, daddy... I don’t usually do this but, well I’ve never really had to. I... I don’t know what I’m doing or if this even works. But dad I miss you already, you were the best man I have ever had in my life. You made me everything I am, so what does that make me now? Incomplete? Half of myself? Or maybe no one at all... I don’t know what to do dad, I tried to save you and you know that now. I’m going to die soon dad and I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it... What do I do now? I’m all alone with mom now.. oh God, mom. All I can feel is my heart pounding and breaking in my chest; I’m not okay with this. Why would this happen to you dad? You had so much life in you, so many years ahead of you and now it’s all gone. Like it was erased off of some blackboard. Like you were erased off of some blackboard... Doesn’t the world know that I need you? I need you daddy; I’m so afraid and so hurt...”

I grabbed something heavy out of the back and threw it across the field, unsure of what it even was. “Come back dad... What do I do now?” I screamed and broke into hysterics in the back of the car until I fell asleep.

I woke up in the back of the car; the trunk was still wide open. The sun was glittering on my skin, but the world didn’t feel happy... I didn’t feel happy. I felt empty. I reached over and grabbed my phone, thirty-seven missed calls and fifteen texts. I have probably scared the living crap out of everyone that cares about me. I just sat there, leaving the messages alone. I was busy wandering the silence, wandering the caves and ravines of my mind, walking the empty halls of my body, searching for some hope. I have to go home eventually; I have to face everything that’s happened all over again. Right now, I don’t have to and I’m going to drown in this goddamn moment. I’m going to drown in the sadness, anger, emptiness, despair, fear, all of it. I want it all to take me away, bring me to the skies, and bring me to my dad. I lay awake but I still didn’t feel awake. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel awake and alive again. I drove to a convenience store, finally pulling myself out enough to move. I bought a pack of cigarettes for the first time in my life. I sat in the car window rolled down, tears falling haphazardly and puffing away. It wasn’t bad, I could feel it numbing my pain and that’s exactly what I wanted. I finished my smoke and made my journey home feeling afraid. I sat in the car for about five minutes before I had it in me to go back to where the awful news was delivered.

I walked in to find Abagail, Aiden, and Luke on the couch watching TV. When they heard the door all of their attention was on me. The Sorry pieces and board were still plastered across the floor.

Luke bolted up, probably afraid of me leaving again. “Baby, where the hell have you been? We’ve been worried sick about you. Did you forget how to use your phone? I’m glad you’re okay but please don’t do that to me ever again. We’re in this together Serenity. God I was so worried and I missed you so much.”

He slipped his hand around my waist and kissed my forehead.