Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » General


So here you are again...

by xocsunx


"So here you are again?" Pretty slow thing to say to someone you've been waiting around for for eleven years. Pretty lame. But I said it. And I don't regret it. He stood in the doorframe, his large, cracked hands devulged by his pockets. His hair, which once was vivid black, like the raven in the night, was now specked with Silver. He wore glasses now. The thin type, just pocketing his face. He stood in a patch of sunlight and for that moment I saw the wrinkles which had formed on his rich, olive skin. "You don't look much different, Mallory. Just the same old girl I left." I said nothing. The word's within my throat offered no repreive. I was the same old. He was a different man. Older. Thinner. Sadder. Footsteps echoed on the stairs and in a moment, Josh appeared. He stood in the doorframe, well over his father in height. Josh had the same olive skin, but his hair was blode like mine. Pretty strange complextion. But Josh was beautiful, gorgous. Like his father. Standing in the door frame, Peter said nothing. Finally, he managed to cough out something. Stupid. Lame. "Josh...your...so...tall." Joshua glanced up. He always kept his face down like that, away, ever since he was a young child. "Umm, Mum. Who is this man?" He said it quietly so that only he and I could hear. Shame. Catastrophie when a boy can't even recognize his own father. I didn't say, Joshua, meet your father. Maybe I should have. But a father is more than the man who conceives you. A father is man who stands above and watchs you grow. So instead, I said, "Joshua, this is Peter."

I could see the hurt developing on Peter's face. The pain and what he called sacrifice drifting fourth. His pain wasn't my goal, but I didn't regret that it happened. Joshua lifted his face and as if suddenly he had come to some major revaltion he said:"Dad? Is that you?"

Peter brushed his hand against his face to wipe the tears before they fell. "I...I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry." Joshua sat down at the table, saying nothing. "Well Jeus Pete," I said, finally unleashingmy anger. "Eleven years give you a long time to think." He was unconfortable. I wasn't about to spare him. He was a stranger. That was that. He had lost the role of husband and father the minute he walked out that door. He wern't some 24 hour convenient store. We didn't open and close our doors to every stragler and stranger who walked back in.

I put the coffee on. Joshua had dissipeared. Funny how seeing your father for the first time since you were six causes you not to want to see him at all. Funny. Not unperdictable.

Peter sat at the table, drumming his fingers back and fourth on the wood. I glanced out back to the driveway. His car, a Honda Civic, aqua blue, looked virtually new. The shadow of a woman was just visable. So he still was with her. Sandy. Tall, blonde. Foreign Relations worker for the Chech Repubic.

Tall, trilingual Sandy who had been the 50% in taking a father from his son. A husband from his wife.

"You still with her then," I said, placing a cup of steaming coffee infront of him. He nodded. "Sandy...Sandy and I were just coming through Hartford and I thought...maybe...I should

just stop in. See how Josh is doing." So that was how he was going to play it. Like it was an agreed seperation. A divorce that had left us as friends. "Maybe you should be curtious enough to invite her in then." He shook his. "It's best for Joshua that I just stop in for a minute."

He finnished the coffee within ten minutes. He was wearing a trench coat, long and black, and carried a breifcase. "I guess....if there's anything I can do, just give me a shout." Peter handed me a thin envelope. "My number", he said, smiling. He gave me a cold hug. "Tell Josh I'll call." I knew he was lieing. He was peter. He called maybe once every month,a couple of times a year. He was peter.

I watched for a moment as the car took off down the drive into the shadows of the late afternoon. It was then that I noticed he had forgotten his scarf. I picked it up. Another note of paper fell out.

"Dear Joshua, and Mallory if you read this.

I don't know if a million words can apologize for what I've done. I know money isn't everything, although it might have seemed that way in the past. I guess love is something I've always been lacking. I thought you should know, the doctors in both New York and Santa Fey have diagnosed my cancer as malignant. I don't know how much longer I have left in this world. I love you Josh. Don't forget it.

Signed

Always around

Pete."

I felt my face burn for what I had done. And yet, thinking back, those words I had spoken the first day he left came rushing back.

Actions speak louder than words.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
301 Reviews


Points: 19800
Reviews: 301

Donate
Sat Jan 19, 2019 7:17 am
fraey wrote a review...



Hello there. Going to finish the third story in this mini collection. I do find it interesting that your style of shorter, choppier sentence work has carried throughout all of these short stories, even if it's in the first or third person.

This story being from the past tense, for the most part, makes me curious as to whether this sounded better to you this way, or if there was something else that made you write it this way. Either reason, I think this shows diversity in your typical writing style, however, there are still some patterns.

Mallory appears to be the main character here, but I don't feel like we get enough information on her or Peter, and especially, their son Josh. I think the issue comes from I'm perplexed at how she really feels towards her (ex?) husband, as she seems to go from admitting that she had been waiting for him, but then it seems that they have spoken to each other before in the past few years, even after he seemed to have left her.

I found it interesting that she labeled her son as "gorgeous" as either he reminded her of why she had originally married Peter in how "gorgeous" he had been, or she finds "olive skin" attractive? I dunno, I just thought that seemed like an odd thought to have, especially one to just appear in her mind when she looked at Josh.

We don't get much information on setting here, with just the two of them standing/sitting awkwardly by each other until Peter decides to leave. I also find it curious that it had been eleven years since Peter had left them, yet unless he is a fairly short man and Josh is a fairly tall kid, it seems that he had already been born before the husband left her. If so, I'm curious as to what age Josh had been when Peter had left, as if the man had called every so often over the last few years, it seems that the son would have been able to recognize the voice of his father?

But, that's just something that popped into my head. I think that the letter was a bit of a cliche, but I am a little frustrated that Mallory feels bad about what she had said before. As long as she spoke the truth to the man that left her for another woman and (money, I suppose?) someone dying shouldn't just be able to get a "oh, well, my bad." That's a tough situation, but Peter had the option of trying to reenter their lives at a much earlier time.

Just my two cents though. I found this story pretty interesting.




User avatar
685 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 685

Donate
Tue Jun 07, 2005 1:30 pm
Rei says...



Yeah, the paragraphs are a problem. It was okay, but the clumped-together paragraphs made it a bit hard to read.




User avatar


Points: 890
Reviews: 4

Donate
Fri Jun 03, 2005 5:39 pm
xocsunx says...



I guess that's kind of a problem I have. I kind of forget about the gramatical stuff. :wink:




Random avatar

Points: 1212
Reviews: 241

Donate
Fri Jun 03, 2005 5:30 pm
Harley wrote a review...



I liked this, but I found myself scanning the large paragraphs. I would break them down, as they can seem discouraging to the reader. that's about it, except a few spelling mistakes (eg. complexion, disappeared, gorgeous) but they're typos, so no big deal. This was pretty cool- i'm gonna check out your other stuff.





"If fortis was here, we could have a teal party"
— Pompadour