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Young Writers Society



Chronicles of Davinia - part 2

by xocsunx


Maggie and Davinia sat in the sharp, dark shadows of the thorn bushes which encircled the outer edges of Greenwich. Maggie's, tiny, soft breath, that of a child four or five, slipped out in ragged breathes. Her hands shook behind her cloak. Davinia held onto the child’s soft brown hands, trying to conceal her own fear. "It's him," she heard Maggie whimper, "they said he was gone." Davinia clasped her hands against the face of the little girl, despite the child's protests. If he was there, he wasn't going to find them. The rain had started, cold and hard as ice. It slapped the two girls sideways, causing both to wince. Maggie wriggled free. "Davinia," she wined, sinking seemingly deeper into her cloak, "I'm scared. What's if he hurts us?!" Davinia pulled the small girl further back into the shadows. "He isn't going to do that. He won't find us." The words just barely escalated over a whisper, for Davinia's own fear had just been spoken by her counterpart. The tall, dark bird wailed again. "Do you think he knows where we are?" Maggie sobbed. Davinia felt a small tear drop from the child’s soft grey eyes. “Don’t fear his presence Maggie. He lost the emblem years ago. Without it, his powers mean nothing. You know that. Galandor said, remember? You can’t fear a man’s mere presence, for it gives him all the more power.” Maggie forced out a small smile and clasped onto the comfort of Davinia’s own hand.. Secretly, Davinia’s mind shook, and she longed somewhere deep inside to cry with this small child.

Zyferous scanned the studded hilltop for signs of movement. Nothing. So they thought they could outwit him. He laughed. How could one creature be so naive, so forgiving? Did they not remember those sacred days of the power years of Lord Zyferous? Oh. He reminded himself. They were children. They probably weren’t even born. Children have such fickle memories. So fragile. They had known of his presence only through tales told to them. Well. He would show them. They would see, once and for all the power that the all mighty Lord Zyferous carried. Once and for all. The black raven, cued by the blood which swept from the emblem, screamed again, taking off to nest from the rain in the high branches of the birch trees. Zyferous swept the Jade Emblem in front of him. “Oh thy great who reigns above. I shall seek power from within and take what lies in goodness and use it for the power which is dormant in my heart. Oh thy, I shall reign even above the lord himself !” There was a sudden, split crack of thunder from above. The rain pounded harder, the sky now pitch black, the only light coming from the shadowed jade of the emblem. Crimson blood swept from the emblem down the mountain and onto the village. Screams could be heard even here, on these heights. Maggie tried desperately to cling to the thorn bushes, the gashes in her hands staining her cloak and mixing with that which wept down the mountain. The wind picked up, an easy thing to avoid for Davinia, who was nearly sixteen. But for Maggie, the wind was ruthless, grabbing her by the cloak and tossing her tiny body across the hill. Zyferous laughed hard and loud screaming again and again, “evil reigns as the skies above cinder. Evil reigns!”


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23 Reviews


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Sun Jun 05, 2005 8:20 pm
Wandwaver wrote a review...



It is good, but remember that every time a new character speaks, you start a new paragraph. It's just confusing otherwise. Each paragraph needs to develop one thought, sight, or action, and having so much dialog in one paragraph works against that. This should be much more than 2 paragraphs, but that doesn't mean it isn't good.




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263 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 263

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Sun Jun 05, 2005 11:43 am
Lollipop says...



WOW! I thought that was awesome!! Post more chapters please!!





"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
— Albus Dumbledore