I feel like a murderer:
There is blood on my hands
But when has there not been?
(no one understands)
I am in complete shock:
I've never thought myself capable
To end a life, stop the clock.
(there's still blood on my hands.)
I stare at my weapon of choice:
Neither sword nor pen,
Silence nor voice.
(it's all over; take a bow)
Rage begins to boil in my veins.
I can go back, I tell myself -
I carry the reigns.
(but how?)
I bite my lip and consider my options:
The only choices lead
To death or adoption.
(but I'm the one with the gun...)
Still, I force myself to move my hand;
I can do this, can't I?
Redo what I've planned?
(but it's over, it's done.)
I shake and force myself to rethink
Everything I've done;
Can I erase crimson ink?
(I could do it - I could cheat)
Decision made, I rewind my actions.
With a split-second tap,
I've erased all transactions.
(I force myself to touch "delete")
And suddenly it's gone - all of it.
He's alive, I haven't killed him.
And so I recommit.
(where to go from here?)
I could've done it: let him die,
But he was my favourite,
And no writer deserves to cry.
(am I not the puppeteer?)
"You're lucky, you know,"
I say out loud.
"I just couldn't let go."
(he's safe in my hands)
I am just in love with this poem already. It's sort of awkward, but I like the awkwardness. Keep writing this is absolutely amazing!
I really liked this poem! The story and idea behind it was very interesting
!
I also liked how you put the narrator's additional thoughts in brackets. Gave the poem a little something extra.
I thought that the flow was kind of choppy though, in some parts. Some stanzas flowed perfectly while others seemed kind of jumpy and forced. I know that the person above me said that the flow was really good, so perhaps it is just me.
Also, I really liked the ryhmning in here. I personally always love poems that rhymne!
Anyways, aside from the flow, I think you have a really good poem here! Great concept and idea. Keep up the lovely work
I like what you've done here, with the background thoughts in brackets! I also like the flow of the poem and the rhyme but the first stanza has a different scheme (on purpose??) Anyway, I like the way you've driven the reader into thinking that you'd killed the guy but it was all in your head. It kind of reminds me Rihanna's song- Man down (my friend keeps playing it!!)
"Can I erase crimson ink?" That has got to be one of my favorite lines, because anyone would have said "red stains" or something...
So, well done!
Keep writing!