Maybe I wasn't meant for this world,
Maybe my soul wasn't meant for this world of torment and torture
My lungs once full of roses now bare and dark,
My heart once full of innocence and love now destroyed by greed and destruction
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140,506 Literary Works • 673,262 Reviews
I love this poem although it is rather short. The poem is great but try using more literary devices to add more intrigue in your work; for example, when you say, "My lungs once full of roses now bare and dark" maybe you could add more imagery or a metaphor making a comparison of your lungs to add more depth into the poem. I would also ask that you add some type of format to the writing so it can look unique. I would also add a little more length to the poem so that the readers can truly see if they would be interested in investing into your art. However, do not make it too long or the reader will become bored and will not complete your work. The title of the poem can also use more intrigue. The title is rather dull and can cause your audience to not bother taking a look because they are used to generic poems with that title. Provide the audience with a title that will subsequently coerce them to want to read your piece. Anyways, the work is great just add a few things to it and it will be a masterpiece. I encourage you to continue writing. I hope you excel!
~of Innocence~
Hey there! Shey here for a review!
Firstly, I see you're new here, and thus I formally welcome you! I also noticed that this is your first poem, so instead of saying what you did wrong, I'm going to touch up in what you should next tine you publish a poem.
This poem had a very simple layout. It was short, with no special formatting. Now I'm not sure about you, but plain formatting bores me. I suggest next time you publish a poem on here, you have a bit of formatting. Go wild with it. While it is very possible to overdo it, overdoing is much more favorable than not doing it at all.
My next and last suggestion is to write more! This was a really great poem, and it's always nice reading works by new members! Keep up the great work, because I look forward to seeing more like this great poem!
Beautiful poem! I love how you summed up what basically every human on Earth seems to go through at some point or the other (or maybe not...). The last line where you say, "destroyed by greed and destruction", is kind of repetitive though, and I think you should try to do synonyms and antonyms, (ex. love & hate). Otherwise, I can't say much else but glorious praise!