This is how I felt when my great grandmother passed away 2 years ago... 
It seems as though it came and went,
The ended time that we have spent.
After all that we've been through,
After all, I will miss you.
I'd give my life for you to stay, but
The heavens have taken you away.
God, why did you take her first
and leave me to cry, with my eyes to thirst?
Darling, you are all I need,
Grieving I forever proceed.
I shall end my life to live with you,
That's exactly what I'll do.
It seems as though it came and went,
The ended time that we have spent.
After all that we've been through,
After all, I'm here with you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Very well done. I love the feel of it, how it flows. I'd like to read more poems like this. Very good.
I do like this poem my grandma, who I was really close too died three years ago and I didn't think I would ever get over it. This is exactly what I felt and when you grieve you go through many process's. You get angry , sad, confused, depressed. But not all of us grieve differently. I'm glad you were so close to her and that you wrote this for her, I'm sure she would love it. Keep writing. I liked the line where it said your eyes were thirsty, I can explain that to the person who didn't understand above. I think she means thirsty because she longs to see her great grandmother. Am I right?
Keep writing(:
I think your Poem is really touching:)
I can't exactly understand how you must've felt,
since I don't have that kind of relationship to my grandmothers..
but I can imagine how painful it must've been and I think
it's nice that you were able to share it here, with us
even though it's such a deep emotion:)
I also love that everything rhymes so beautifully:), good job there!:D
Laloifi
1) when did you write this and why didn't you show it to me?
Great job Jake.
2) great poem but I have to say, IT'S OKAY TO NOT HAVE SUCH A FLAWLESS RHYME SCHEME, I KNOW YOU LIKE IT BUT SERIOUSLY calm down with the rhyming. It's great in this poem but some other stuff it just comes off as weird, so be careful.
Great poem, though it seems more like a poem to a lover than to a grandma.
Aw, this is so sweet! There is just one line that I don't quite get ...
Wait, if your eyes are crying, how can they be thirsty? Is it something about how tears are salty? Or am I just making stuff up? Anyways, keep writing!
- Abigail
Very touching. I can feel the emotion, which shows you are a true writer! Keep moving forward!
~Lindsay
"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival." ~Winston Churchill
Hey there xjpalladinix I know how you felt. My grandpa died last year a few weeks after my birthday. This was really sad and when I wrote a poem about how I felt when my grandpa died... It wasn't very good. But This is a very sad and emotional piece. I hope you write more stuff sometime.
~Ladypurple.
Aww...that's touching. I live with my grandparents and I know it would suck to have to live through that.
As for the piece itself, I think you did really great. A lot better, in fact, than most fourteen year olds I know.