a poem which was intended to be part of my anthology (:
i've already redrafted five times since it was just a note on my phone, but a sixth time can't harm xP
----
The thought of your fairytale tomorrows
(still fresh on your face)
entices you- a teeth-smile for the postman,
sugared milk for the cat; you’re on your way. The world needs a little sugar,
you say.
The flowers didn’t look so sweet, you
explain, as you empty the fourth spoonful into the vase.
They droop a sorry agreement, moribund.
You panic, explain, I was only trying to help.
the rose fades, staining the water crimson,
watercolour.
You get the hint.
You are most certainly not forgiven.
the school rush; each car reduced to just a blur,
roaring in unison, guzzling the remains of some
dead creature from billions of years ago.
they're made to kill. you don't see that, just see gazelles,
fleeing from a hungry cheetah somewhere.
and in the playground, a child claims independence,
whilst you explain that we are all dependant,
at the very least, upon gravity.
Her icy blue rebellion scalds your ears.
She is just a speck on a sunset panorama now.
Return home to the silence of wilted flowers,
the cacophony of main roads
and realise
the world was never quite as sweet
as you had wished.
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139,076 Literary Works • 672,404 Reviews
I love the style that you have, it has the ability to draw a reader in through intruige and interest.
this piece is very emotional and I appreciate the vivid imagery you have portayed.
I can't wait to see what other pieces you can produce to be honest.
NIKKI<3
you are biased though. you biased person.
POST STUFF. and yes, cacophony is wonderful, but my love is with "orchestral" right now.
Cacophony. I adore that word like no other. In general, the vocabulary in this is just lovely.
This was charming :] The third stanza especially. You are brilliant and this is pretty and I like it and I like you.
thank you very much (:
ah, that stanza was literally just written in as i was about to submit xD i felt like there was something missing between time periods ^^; i'm glad it was okay (:
Heya,
This was an interesting piece of poetry. Well written, no doubt, and had a lot of emotion in it. For the most part, it seemed bitter with a flavour of irony. My favorite part would be this one:
Really well worded, fresh, original and true.
The whole piece had a good pick of words, the "mood" of the words were right aaaand... I liked it. ^^
Good job!
|Life|
Very emotional! it is always good to write about emotions we've all experienced. This seems to me, to be a journey from innocent dreamer to a grown person just trying to make it, which is what happens to each of us. Thank you! very extraordinary and original piece. You are gifted! thank you