Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
EPIGRAPH
In this world no one can attain peace I suppose, everyone still pursues it, but at what cost?
Some give up family, some give up jobs, some give up friendships and some their own souls in pursuit of peace and happiness. But what is peace in this broken world?
The whole world is broken, so why do they point at me and say that I need to be fixed ?
1. I've Lost Faith in Humanity
"You've already ruined my life. You're worthless to me. Please go and die somewhere, I beg of you." her father drawled, as casually as if discussing some football game with one of his friends.
Alice. Her name was Alice. And she didn't care anymore, at least that is what she tried to tell herself. Alice repeated it in her head like a mantra. It wasn't her fault....was it?
She found it hard to keep a straight face with the harsh words coming out of her father's mouth; so she ran. No she did not run out of the house, and she most certainly did not run away from her life. She ran to her room, like any other helpless teenager. And just like any other helpless teenager or a helpless human in general, she cried; she locked herself in her room and she cried, collapsing on the floor and winding her body into a fetal position, like a true damsel in distress.
Her father's fist pounded on the door repeatedly.
"SHUT UP! What the hell are you crying for?! I'm the one who should be crying for having a daughter like you!" bellowed her father from the other side of the door. She quietened, just wishing for him to go away.
He washer father, she should love and respect him, no matter what.But all she felt towards him was resentment and fear.
The sun had already set and washed her room in a gloomy darkness when her muscles and bones finally started aching from being in a fetal position for far longer than her unfit body could handle. Which made her finally get up and crawl under the sheets of her wooden bed which was shoved into a corner of her room.
"Alice!" her mother called out to the little girl as she ran away from her, laughing. They were playing inside the house again.
The little girl kept running and after a few seconds her mother caught up to her and swept the little girl into her arms.
Suddenly the scene changed- the little girl was sitting at a police station, crying her eyes out while her father argued with the officials.
Just a dream.
Alice jolted out of her restless slumber, not quite like as they show in the movies with the protagonist suddenly sitting up with wide eyes and a panicked look on their face; no, Alice's eyes fluttered open like a normal human waking up, it was her mind which had jolted itself back to the present.
She threw off her sheets, a sick feeling coiling itself around her body, setting her skin proverbially on fire, it slowly spread all towards her face and throat, making it hard to breath. She lay there, still as a victim of plague who had surrendered to their fate.
While her body lay still, her mind was crammed up with a hurricane of thoughts, most of which were of the past, a few of the present and none for the future; what was the point in thinking of something you would probably never have?
What can one do when they are bound by their own mind?
Her thoughts were depressing yet angering, fifty different shades merged into one making a endless stream of despair and helplessness. And then she heard it, not through her ears, but through her thoughts and through past encounters.
A supple and suave voice, a voice so sweet it resembled one of a siren. It came to her softly at first, almost like a tickle of a soft feather on her skin and then slowly grew louder, until it was all she could think about. Until she could not help but look for its vessel.
The vessel sat inside one of the drawers of her ruddy, old study table which was placed across the room under a window adorned with dingy curtains. Alice trudged towards the table and yanked open the drawer, taking out the vessel; a beautiful yet deadly thing, just like the Prince of the Unseelie court one would read about in faery tales. And just like the Prince, it was cold to touch, it's sharp edge gleaming in the dark.
It was her saviour as well as her destroyer. And at that moment, just like their past encounters, she let it consume her, she let it save her and destroy her.
It numbed her until she could not feel anything, until her mind was at peace, it saved her.
Her flesh spoke a different story, it had also destroyed her.
She lay back down on the bed and fell into a dreamless sleep; her flesh bloody but her heart light and content.
-x-
There are many reasons to lose faith in humanity to be honest, the current one for Dylan would be the lithe, dark haired girl standing wantonly in front of him as he sat on his bed trying to prepare for the new school semester starting the next day.
He glanced up at her for a brief moment, she licked her lips and winked at him. He rolled his eyes at her in exasperation. Dylan had no interest in her, he had always been a little baffled that no one noticed that.
He thought she was a tool, yet her eyes watered, just as any other human's would, as she helplessly looked at her boyfriend, who supposedly loved her, sitting on his bed completely ignoring her. She had tried to get his attention in anyway she could think of but he kept pushing her away.
Tracy felt a few tears leak onto her cheek and hastily wiped them away before her boyfriend noticed, she did not want to get slapped again. Dylan hated it when she cried, and had firmly told her not to cry ever again, at least not in front of him.
And that, was completely fine with Tracy, you would not want to see someone you love cry right? Besides, for some unknown reason, he was the only person she trusted.
Humans are such pathetic creatures, pining for something they can never have.
-x-
According to Brie, all of humanity should burn in hell; God might have thought that his biggest mistake was creating Lucifer, yet humanity was the one who did not even wait for God to throw them in hell, instead, they made their own hell on Earth.
No child wants to be in foster care, some might think that that was the reason for Brie's nihilism, abandonment issues and such. But that could not be any farther away from the truth, she actually perceived her biological parents as complete idiots to abandon an "awesome" child like her.
No, the reason for her nihilism was right in front of her: a previously sick infant cradled in her wailing foster mother's arms. Someone had left- thrown the child in the dumpster behind their apartment building. And now the child was dead.
Brie felt tears prick her eyes but she didn't cry; she felt like embracing my foster mother, but she didn't know how.
-x-
Marcus punch punch punched the punching bag until his knuckles started to hurt. He could not stop, he liked the pain, it gave him reprieve from the guilt that clouded his every thought.
His day was going pretty good until he saw his mother's face, he had seen through all the foundation and concealer she'd caked her face with, yet he did not do anything, he did not say anything. What could he say? What could he possibly do?
He was so weak, so pathetic.
A/N: This is my first time trying to write something like this, hope it's not as bad as I think it is xD
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
HI I LOVE DRAMATIC TEEN FICTION LET'S GO. (That's why I picked this out of the green room :p)
This is the kind of concept I always totally fall for - teens with super depressing backstories and lives. This is oozing with Ellen Hopkins vibes and I'm here for it.
I think the writing itself is strong. I think the voice matches the subject matter and I really like that it's third person past tense because usually these types of stories are from the POV of sad teenager and rather than making it feel detached, I think it feels almost like we have a bird's eye view of what's going on - kind of like in real life how we probably see these things happening around us (but are we aware and doing anything about it). Not sure if you were trying to get that deep or not, but I like it.
I'm sure each of these stories will get a lot more fleshed out as the novel progresses, but I wanted to mention the first story with Alice because that's the first one and the first impression the reader is going to have. I get starting with the emotional abuse because that's what brings her to cut, but without context the dad feels like a caricature rather than a real person because he's so horrible for absolutely no reason.
Having the four different narratives in the opening chapter jarred me a little because that's a lot to keep track of and each of these stories are already so meaty and could probably support a novel on their own, I'm not sure how it will all work together in one story. But, Ellen Hopkins always manages to do it, so I'm excited to see where the plot is going to go and how this will all be woven together. I'm not sure yet whether it's wise to put all four of them in the first chapter like this (especially since Alice's segment is so much longer than all the others, especially Marcus at the end). If you end up posting more of this story, let me know because I'd be happy to keep reading and give you more feedback as you go! Either way, I hope you keep working on this story!
Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention!
Hi! Thank you for the review! I sure hope that I can keep your attention enough to get through this story
Having said that, I have actually never read Ellen Hopkins, so I don't really know what you were expecting going into this but I can assure you, as tragic as their pasts might be, I plan on keeping the story as realistic as possible.
I originally wrote this in first person, which was easier to write but something just felt really off and detached, not to mention that it was starting to feel like every wattpad book ever, so I decided to change it up a bit. I was kind of unsure what people would think of this, so I'm really glad that you liked it!
Oh yes, I have a lot of plans for these characters so you don't have to worry about that. And about the father, you'll be getting a lot of backstory on him soon, patience is the key my friend. Although I do get how he might not seem like much of a character to a reader in this scene, if you have any suggestions or ideas about how I can fix that, please tell me! The reason I started with that particular scene was because I wanted to start off strong, because I personally get bored of stories that start off slowly and would not want to write anything like that.
Lol you'll just have to wait and see I guess ( hopefully, you'll like it)! I have got to read Ellen Hopkins you've mentioned her so many times, do you have any recommendations?
You see, the thing is, I first started writing this story only in Alice's POV and then I added all the other characters. I do plan on amplifying on all of the other's stories eventually, but right now I would just like to focus on moving the story forward. That, and the fact that I connect to Alice the most, a lot of her story is actually inspired from real life,so she's just easier to write contributes to her story being longer than the others.
Again, thank you so much for reviewing the story! I'll notify you when I post the second chapter! <3
Definitely read Hopkins! Her books look really long but she writes in verse so they go super fast. Start with Crank. That might have been her first? Then it became a trilogy. It's based on a true story about her daughter. She always writes about super real topics that are gritty and writes them in a super real, non-sugarcoated way. She has a bunch of books but I think the Crank series is my favorite.
And yay!! Can't wait to read more!
(I'll comment more on dad and how you can shape the character like you mentioned after I have a little more context of who he is)
I very much like the concept and theme for the work and I don't think it was bad, but rather quite good. The lay out and style you write it in was easy to follow and fluently done. Though a quick proof read could be done to fix small thing like missed spaces and such, though I didn't notice too many examples of this.
Though I enjoyed this I do wish that you had decribed the characters and setting in more details so that I could have visualized them however I can understand not doing such and even how doing so could have just created unnecessary and unwanted details, possibly even making it less smooth and more a list. (Ex. Every stupid thing I write and more)
Over all I enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your work and any future chapters.