Published April 28, 2011
Just forget me. It's for the best....
Those words...those simple words caught me and I couldn't help but let the tears fall. Forget her? How? She had been there with me since childhood, since the first day we went to school together. We've done everything together, everything, and now she's asking me to forget her? It's....it's just impossible. I...I love her.
I feel the cold rain on my skin, causing goosebumps to form. I only ignore it as I stare down at the rushing waters beneath me. The current's strong, the winds pushing it. The waves splash upwards, as if reaching for me, luring me in. I want to jump, I want to, but....her face appears in my head and I can't will my legs to move.
She's gone. She has already moved to Los Angeles and left me here, alone. I will never see her again. She doesn't want to see me. So what else do I have left? If I do not have love, then what? I have no family. They don't care. I have no friends. Nothing. She was the only thing in my life that kept me alive, and now that she isn't here.....I can't go on.
I take a breath and step forward, her face reappearing before my eyes once again. Her soft brown hair flowing in the wind, her pale flawless skin shining with the sun, her deep blue eyes sparkling. A sweet smile is on her face, her arms outstretched to me. I reach for her, taking another step. I feel warm as she's so close.
"I love you...." I go to jump, but something calls to my name. It's faint, but I still hear it and it makes my legs stop.
"Jacob!" It's there again, but louder. She disappears from my sight and the river below reappears, teh crashing waves seem closer. I step back and the voice is finally clear. "Jacob!" I turn, not believing it's her, but as I look up, she is there. I nearly break down at the mere sight, wondering if God's playing a cruel joke on me or if she's actually really there. The tears on her face prove that and she comes running towards me. Though the pain reawakens, I reach out. She stops confused.
"Jacob..."
"No." I can't do it. The pain's too much. "You want me to forget you. So I am." I look back down to the water and gulp.
"Jacob, please don't!" she begs. I look up and she's on her knees. My heart pains to see her like this, but....
"Why did you leave? Why did you tell me to forget you? Why?"
"I thought it would be for the best. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay and I knew that we couldn't have been together while being apart."
"You couldn't resisted. You could've left and came to live with me." Her tears fall faster and I can feel my own gliding down. "Brittany, I love you." She looks up, eyes wide. I take a deep breath and repeat, "I love you. I would do anything for you, but since you've requested that I forget you....then I must obey." I turn around and take a step forward, feeling my body being pushed down towards the waves, but then something catches me and pulls me back.
"No! I can't let you! I won't! I love you too much, Jacob Buller, and I won't let you die!" My tears quickly turn from sadness to pure joy. I turn to her, her eyes red from the tears. She's holding on to me tightly as if holding on for dear life. I quickly wrap my arms around her, returning the hug.
"I have waited so long to hear you say those words," I whisper, a smile forming. I pull back and cup her chin, lifting her up to me. I then place my lips against hers, kissing her gently, my smile widening as I feel her returning the kiss.
We stand there, in the rain, embraced in each other's arms, and I finally feel whole again. She had said to forget her, but
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140,225 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
I must say, that was AMAZING!! I loved it :')
You're an excellant writer, I couldn't find any flaws in that at all x)
LOVED IT!
Keep of writing, i'll look out for your work
Fairytale! It's amazing how everyone loves a happy ending, and of course so do I! So cute I could die! I notcied 'teh' spelling mistake and it ended a bit sharply, but other than that it's oerfect, and adorable.
Keep Writing!
Panda X
Hey, so, I only see one mistake, where you spelled "the" as "teh":
Other than, I don't see any other problems. This was great! I loved it!
Maybe you could have put "She said to forget her, but..." or, you could actually put something. Maybe like, "but I'd die before that'd happen." Or something like that.
Great job though!
I really liked this piece, but I have a few nit-picks.
I like this paragraph, but it seems a little choppy. I suggest that you add commas instead of periods in places. I find the ending confusing. You used so much emotion but then you just leave us hanging.Other than that, this was a really good piece. Nice job!
Well written. It was quite moving and full of emotion!
Good job and keep writing,
~FW~
Hi there!
Yay! Finally someone tackles the emotions on the inside, rather than the outside. Most stories always convey how the character changes on the outside after something like this happens; how they treat people differently, act differently, blah blah. But you tackled how they think, you wrote about something very difficult, and you were able to tap into your character's personality perfectly. Keep it up!
As a whole, I don't completely like this story. As I was reading it, it directly related to things I have written in the past, and sometimes what I write now. That means that this is kind of a common thing to write about; break up, someone torn apart, and using ran and water as a symbol. I can see you have an amazing imagination and a talent for displaying things in words, so I'd like to see more from you. Step out of this comfort zone of writing about couples and write about different things that people won't expect.
As far as the ending goes, it seems a bit incomplete; and I'm not only saying that because there's lack of punctuation at the end of the sentence. xD Your character's thought doesn't seem to finish. You should probably try to find something brilliant (and not too cliche) for your character to say once everything is fine. Maybe something like "but I knew I'd never be able to forget her." That would be a subtle way of letting readers know that he would never be able to let go because he loves her so much.
Good story, keep writing!
Classy
Nice emotions through the piece! I do like this a lot. Having this in the present tense makes it seem more urgent in a way, and gives it more impact to me. One thing, I didn't like how you used "..." so much. It does show his thought process, but it seems a bit often. Also, what happened to the end? It finishes rather abruptly like others have said. The idea for the story is great, not too clichéd, and the main character has a strong voice. I find it a bit confusing that he is imagining her, and then she is there. I had to read that bit a few times to get it. Otherwise, great work
First of all, beautifully written. The description was amazing, and the emotion was so true. Although, the ending was a bit strange. It left off in the middle of the sentence, which I'm not sure if you meant to do that, but it didn't seem like a way to cause a cliffhanger. I'm not part of the grammar police, so I don't look for that stuff.
Nice job, great piece!
This is just too cute. <3 It's all sad and depressing but then it ends happy. Yay!
I love this writing, it's great! You had me hooked right from the start. The only thing that I saw wrong was just a small mistake.
Teh = The. In the line of,
Also, was it just a copy and paste mistake? It doesn't finish. But what?? :O
Awesome.
PM for any other help.
Born. (: