My joy dies, and no one hears my cries.
I punish myself for my mistakes,
I'll eat no more, I'll crawl on the floor.
I speak to none, I refuse to have fun.
My mistakes laugh in my face, they tell me I've lost the race.
I'm covered with my own sin, no one can come in.
Why do I do these things? Am I going insane?
I'm too far to go home, leave me alone.
I'll die in my mistakes, for I played with too high of stakes.
I'm sorry my Lord, my heart has been torn...
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140,571 Literary Works • 673,517 Reviews
its very solid, you never lost the sense of what the poem is about, I think in the last line it should be "my heart has been turn" dont know if it was a typo. The poem is beautiful and easy to read and relate to
good !
This is pretty good, although I've never been a huge fan of depressing poetry in majority just because there's so much of it. But still, it was a solid piece, and the only real thing I saw wrong with it was corrected already by simplycomplex. Not much to say but good job.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Good job on this! The emotion in this poem is very real and relatable. Also, I like the rhyming pattern you used. I caught a few grammar mistakes, though.
"Insane" is one word, and both of the "to"s in red should be "too". The last line throws off the rhyming a little bit. Also, the "have" in red should be "has".
This is a great poem, really, and keep writing!
i love the morbid to this, its how i feel and how i write to. and writing morbid is always so in depth. i really felt your pain, your sorrow. and it really made me think. i love the ryming because its not to much but its enough to make the poem flow smoothly