z

Young Writers Society


12+

Nevergreen

by GLaDOS


Your average tree, in your average forest.

Sage pranced around in the forest, looking for something to do. She gripped onto the straps of her book bag tightly, hoping her random expedition wouldn’t cause the bag to fall off. She had important things in there. Such as her phone, some snacks, her journal (which she used for sketching odd things she saw), and a few pencils and a sharpener. She wanted to find something today, something that no one had ever seen before.

For her age, it was odd for her to be an adventurous one. Usually most 13-year-old girls would rather be obsessively texting their guy friends or scrolling down dashboards and home pages of various idiotic websites. But not her, she just wanted to explore and keep her mind young and free. But she was growing up, her beautiful childhood flashing before her eyes, remembering wondrous and countless memories of her playing and frolicking about in the endless woods forever and ever. That’s how she wanted it to be. She didn’t want to worry about hormones, puberty, parents and everything in between.

It would all happen soon and quick, but for now, she had to keep her childhood with her as long as she could. But she soon snapped out of her daze of the sadness and loneliness that was to come soon, and heard the sound of creaking wood. Sage quickly darted towards a nearby bush and peaked out to the forest from the top of it (it being the bush). She scanned the area, and focused her vision on an odd-looking tree.

“What the-?” She whispered to herself.

She looked at it closely, and saw it move with the sound of creaking wood. She gasped heavily and ducked into the bush. The odd tree moved a bit more, its wooden face looking in the direction of the bush. Sage slowly crawled out from behind the bush and stood up, this tree creature towering over her. It was tall, and had the body of a human, but made out of wood, with a leafy head in place of hair, as well as many twigs and excess leaves all over it.

The tree creature made yet another creaking noise as it bent down to be face to face with the girl. Sage was frightened, yet oddly curious about it. The tree creature held up its wooden hand to Sage, and Sage slowly placed her hand on the wooden palm. The corners of her lips began to turn upward, as she now had something to sketch. She quickly took her hand away and studied the creature, then grabbed her journal from her bookbag. The creature tilted its head and watched her curiously.

After a moment of the creature watching her sketch, she finally finished her drawing and showed it to the creature. The creature slowly placed one of its fingers on the paper and stared. It looked a bit disappointed. Sage tilted her head, wondering what was wrong. She suddenly realized, that she had drawn this on paper, and paper was made from chopped up trees. She couldn’t imagine how upset he must’ve felt, that his friends, family, and entire race were chopped up and made into these stupid pieces of wood that humans used to simply draw or write on.

“I’m… so sorry.” Sage looked up to the creature and placed a hand on its wooden cheek.

Sage could see the utter sadness and disappointment in its eyes, and began to tear up, knowing this creature couldn’t cry or express its emotions either.

“If I could change it…” She began, but the creature shook its head and slowly pushed her hand off of its cheek as if to say, “The past cannot be reversed.”

It grabbed Sage by her waist, and pulled her up onto its shoulders, so she was sat high off the ground on its shoulders. She held carefully onto the branches on its head. It led her to a pond, and she looked around carefully. Once her vision focused properly, she saw many other creatures just like him. There were mushroom creatures, and various other tree creatures. She smiled and teared up, it was a beautiful sight, to see that these creatures were keeping each other safe from the axes and blades headed for them. She had no idea about this community that she used to assume could only come up in human dreams.

Sage felt joy, knowing that her childishness of believing in mythical creatures had been long gone. She didn’t feel childish for once, she felt right. She felt a void in her heart begin to come together, her many dreams of wandering into countless forests and finding the most unusual, yet beautiful, creatures. She felt pure joy at that moment, but pure sadness at the fact that it may all disappear due to the blades of human society. The humans wanting to burn it all down and manufacture it all. Turn it into a dump or wasteland of plastic and forgotten memories.

She could imagine it now, the people coming into the forest with full force, brandishing axes and chopping it all down. Sage looked to the magnificent tree, carrying her to witness this, and hugged it. The creature grabbed her by the waist again, and set her down by the pond. She watched it closely, and its color began to fade, along with the creature itself. She looked around her and witnessed the trees and mushroom creatures fade away before her eyes. But they couldn’t, she knew they were real. Could she have gone insane? She knew they existed, they had to! But she could never be sure.

Sage watched as the fading creatures walked together, wood creaking, hand in hand. They faded into magical wisps of glowing gold dust, as seemed to all have died together.

I never understood why they showed me such a thing, to let my imagination fade away, as they did? To leave me questioning theirs and my existence? I could never know, but I knew they were there, watching me. Every day, I would come back to the pond, and wait.

I would wait for them forever.

"Our imaginations will soon end up eating us alive."

-xJupiter


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Sun Sep 13, 2015 3:54 pm
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bernardo23 says...



Nice very vivid imagery. Very nice grammatical skills. Extremely nice use of figurative language. Magnificent similes and metaphors. Beautiful post, inspiring. Splendid job, looking forward to many more!




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Sat Sep 12, 2015 2:38 pm
steampowered wrote a review...



Hello, steampowered here for a review!

This was an interesting story unlike many other stories I’ve read on here, and I really enjoyed reading it. However, I noticed a couple of little things which you might like to consider, so I’d better get started.

“What the-?” She whispered to herself.


Your speech tags aren’t quite right. A tag that comes directly after the speech should never be capitalised. Here’s an article which might be able to help you.

She smiled and teared up, it was a beautiful sight, to see that these creatures were keeping each other safe from the axes and blades headed for them.


In places like these your comma splices are an issue. I’ll link you to another really really helpful article which you might find is of some use to you.

Also, Sage teared up just a few paragraphs ago (when she saw the sadness in the creature’s eyes) so I wouldn’t have her repeating the action.

Usually most 13-year-old girls would rather be obsessively texting their guy friends or scrolling down dashboards and home pages of various idiotic websites.


Generally, I’d recommend writing numbers out in word form in a literary work.

and slowly pushed her hand off of


Here, I believe that all you need to write is “hand off” and remove the “of”.

Overall, an intriguing tale which carries a moral message and shows the reader how destructive humanity can be. Sage is an interesting character, although I feel like this story might have worked better with a much younger character (for example, seven or eight years old, still young enough to be utterly carefree and innocent) But that’s just my opinion. :D

I really liked your ending; that last line in particular was especially powerful. Keep writing! :D




xJupiter says...


One of the messages of the story is that she has to be this age for the message to come across, if it was a younger child, then the imagination wouldn't have needed to flow away. But she's 13, and growing up, and her imagination is slipping away.



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Fri Sep 11, 2015 11:06 pm
anniegirl123 wrote a review...



This story was so great! I loved the imagery you used, it was very pretty. :D
Just one thing I'm a little confused on. Where you say ""I’m… so sorry.” Sage looked up to the creature and placed a hand on its wooden cheek." I imagined the tree creature to be the height of an adult male, so how could Sage reach its face. Or was it only as tall as she is?

Other than that you did a very good job, especially with characterization. Even though she was 13, you did a good job of keeping Sage childish like she wanted to be. I liked this, keep up the good work! :)




xJupiter says...


It was kneeling down, watching her draw. Sorry for the misunderstanding.



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Fri Sep 11, 2015 12:49 pm
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One wrote a review...



Hello !What's up?
This is a very interesting story .I really like it a lot .
The end was well done . Your style is smooth and it attracts the reader's attention .
Other than that , I can oly add one thing to what snazzypencil said : paragraph 2 : For her age, it was odd for her to be an adventurous one: you used the word for twice and the sentence was a bit heavy . I'd advise you to put :for a girl of her age ...
Anyway , keep up the good work you are on the right path .
Best of luck




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Fri Sep 11, 2015 1:56 am
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iamanaspiringwriter wrote a review...



Wow, great story xJupiter! Overall, I liked it and it has a great concept! There are just a few nit-picks here and there, but they are mainly due to personal preference and not need. The concept of the story was great, however like I always suggest, read it out loud and you can see how sentences will be able to flow. I see a few sentences that I think may flow differently when read out loud, however that might just be me. Your grammar and spelling seemed fine, so keep up the great work, I'd love to see more of your work!




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Fri Sep 11, 2015 12:12 am
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Snazzy wrote a review...



Hola! (have to practice my Spanish for school, you know?) :D
First review in a LONG time! :)

Paragraph 1 - "She gripped onto the straps of her book bag tightly, hoping the random expedition wouldn't cause the bag to fall off."
You used "bag" twice in this, making it just a tad bit repetitive. Try using another word, such as satchel, or just 'it'. Since you already mentioned "the book bag", you don't have to say bag again. ;)

"She had important things in there. Such as..."
You could combine this into one sentence- "She had important things in there - such as..."

Paragraph 3 - "-as long as she could. But she snapped..."
You could also combine these sentences - "-as long as she could, but she snapped..."

Paragraph 11 "She smiled and teared up..."
I think you overuse 'teared up' a little bit. You could maybe try and use a different phrase, such as 'eyes watered', or 'a tear escaped her eye', or anything else you can think of. :)

Other than those things, I really loved it! :D My FAVORITE part was the very end!

"Every day, I would come back to the pond, and wait.
I would wait for them forever."

I LOVE IT! :D Great ending, and I hope to see more! ;)
~Snazzy, Pencil, Penicillin, etc... :D
Stay Awesome! :D





I didn't want to slow time, I just wanted to make a little rock.
— MomoMajesty's brother