Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
I know that with each puff, I am brought closer to my death. I know that with each inhale, I fail my body.
Yet when I lie in my bed, scrolling through a life that does not feel, I somehow feel feeling in the nearing of my death.
For I am the captain of my sad fate.
I am the master of my self-loathing soul.
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140,470 Literary Works • 673,240 Reviews
The foreboding in the first sentence is to die for…overall we love doomed irony you and I don’t we.
Loved it!
This is great!
Sorry, had more but it got deleted when I tried to edit it
Short and sweet.
This sets it up as something you know better than to do. Yet you do it.
The first chunk of this sentence is great. But it gets a little awkward in the second chunk. Yet the "I somehow feel feeling in the nearing of my death." I wonder if you meant "I somehow find feeling the nearing of my death."
I really like the first metaphor. I was hoping you'd continue it into the second line, but the second metaphor is also pretty good.
Overall, really good. Just some little things that I think are typos. Keep on writing!
MrytleJinn