Published April 6, 2010
In a town full of creatures and living things, there lived a tree. A giant, mistical, heavenly, tree full of secrets and magic. Most of all this tree hide history. A history that no one has ever writen down on a piece of paper, never even past on to a legend or myth. This tree stood in the middle of this town and in the middle of this tree it held a source of life for this small town of Ungit. A source so powerful it provided its own life and life for who lived in Ungit. It was a giant tree surrounded by a stream that held the only water that could keep this tree alive, but one day this water was missing.
For thousands of years the water some how kept ending up in the stream, but now the tree
was dying...which ment the town was dying which ment the creatures were becoming normal. When the creatures become normal that means the town and the tree are normal.And with unmortality there comes perishing, but if only there was a hero to bring the source back to the tree and life back to the town of Ungit and its people.
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140,830 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
This is looking pretty intriguing! I await more!
Okay, on to the critique!
This hide should be hid.
Sorry, I'm just naturally picky about spelling and such. Written, two "t"s. Be sure to correct that.
This should be passed, not past.
I think that adding an "all" there wouldn't hurt.
This just doesn't sound right... perhaps, instead, "but one day this water was no longer there" or "but one day the water vanished leaving nothing behind" or something like that.
It's spelled m-e-a-n-t. Sorry, I'm especially picky when it comes to spelling mistakes.
And finally:
You can just say "mortality". Unmortality is not a real word, (or at least not yet).
Well, I've found this little preview quite intriguing, and with a bit of work, something really good could come out of this! I look forward to seeing you write more!
~LordLoredaen
P.S. I love the name you used, "Ungit", it's got a good ring to it!
Hey, welcome to YWS hope your enjoying everything it has to offer. I am Curious by the way and will be reviewing you composition today. Okay to start off I liked it, it reminded me off a cute adorable fairytale and more to it. I spotted no mistakes whats-so-ever which is a good sign especially being new to the sight. When you write more to this can you PM or something. Thank You for the read and I expect more.
thanks. i am going to write more... but for now there is no more until i think up some characters and scences ect.
Wow. That is a very good begining and drew me in right away. I dont normally read fantasy writings but your is really interesting so far. I would really love to read more if you have any.