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The Mummy

by writerkitty

The warm wind and bright sunlight made me thirsty. The endless desert seemed to last forever. Well what else can you expect when you are in Egypt? I love Egypt, but I really hate its climate. It’s too hot and makes you all sweaty.

“Come on Nate!” Mabel urged. She’s my cousin; she has big black eyes and curly black hair which adorns her. We are both thirteen. But I’m a bit taller than her. 

“I thought boys are tough.” She said as she slowed down. “Doofus, you’re sweating like crazy!”

Mabel is a riot, no wonder I hate to go on trips with her. 

“I’m not used to this weather.” I muttered as I mopped my wet black hair.

“Well you should, we are going to stay here for two whole days!”

I shrugged. “Don’t forget that we are staying with Grandpa Larry.”

Mable’s enthusiastic smile faded. “Why do we have to stay with him!”

“Our parents have to go to that special convention which is like a thousand km away,” I explained. “And we wanted to see the pyramids…”

“Ok I get it!” Mabel snapped. “Let’s just hurry up and see the museum, the time is flying!”

“Whatever Mabel, I want to see the pyramids!”

Mabel stopped and turned around. “We can’t go there until we get special permission.”

“I know,” I sighed. “The main reason I came her e is to see that newly discovered pyramid.”

Mabel rolled her eyes. “Let’s just go to the museum. Mum and dad would worry if we get late.

Mabel lived in Egypt, so travelling alone wasn’t hard for us. 

Once we reached the museum, she ran off like a crazed cheetah.

“Mabel wait up!” I cried as I ran to catch up with her.

“Come on! There’s a new exhibit!” Mabel shouted.

“Um…is it OK if we run around like this?”

Mable laughed. “Of course it’s not OK, but who cares.” 

She always got herself into trouble, but she never bothered to change.

I saw an old man standing near the new exhibits; he had a white beard and a wrinkly face.

“Is that Grandpa Larry?” I asked Mabel.

Mable stared at him for a while and nodded. “Yup, it’s him.”

We both groaned. “He looks older than before.”

“Hi children!” He cried as he saw us.

“Oh man,” Mabel muttered.

“You look like a young man Nate!” He said staring at me. “And Mabel you’re beautiful than ever.”

“Hi gramps” I greeted him. “How did you know we’ll be here?”

“Your parents told me to come here. They had to go to that…” he scratched his white beard.

“Convention.” Mabel completed.

“Ah, yes to that. Anyway, they had to leave early. So they wanted me to pick you up.”

“You’re kidding right?” Mabel asked sarcastically.

He shook his head. “No.”

I wanted to scream! We can’t go with grandpa right now. Mum promised to take me to the pyramids!

“You look sad my lad,” Gramps said as he kept a bonny hand on my shoulder. “What’s the matter?”

I looked at him, I used to like him when I was five, but now I wanted to ditch him. I felt a little guilty, it’s not his fault he’s that boring. “Um…it’s nothing.”

“He was hoping to see the new pyramid.” Mabel said plainly.

“Shut up Mabel!” I shouted. We both knew that grandpa couldn’t afford tickets and get permission.

“Well, let’s go to see the pyramids then.” He said smiling cheerfully.

“But we can’t go there gramps.” Mabel said looking astonished.

“Oh yes we can my child.” He said as he dragged us to the exit.

What was grandpa up to? Was he lying to get us out of the museum?

I looked at Mabel; she shrugged.

We got into his old jeep, it had holes in its seats and the doors won’t even lock properly.

Mable pulled out her phone and stated texting. “The signals are poor here!”

I rolled my eyes, “We are in the middle of a desert. Duh.”

Grandpa turned the vehicle to a wild pathway; we almost fell down from our seats.

“Grandpa, the pyramids are that way.” Mable said looking out of the window.

“I know.” He replied.

“So aren’t you going to turn this thing around?”

He smiled. “I have a surprise for you.”

Mabel and I shared glances, was grandpa going nuts or something, he was getting old.

“I know what you kids are thinking, but trust me.”

“Should we?” Mabel whispered.

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

We waited until we came to a stop. The heat was killing me! Good thing the jeep had A/C.

Finally, he stopped the vehicle. We looked out of the window. There were no pyramids.

“Grandpa where are we?” Mabel asked as she got out.

“Look.” He pointed his finger towards a small hole in the ground.

“Whoa!” I exclaimed. How can there be a hole like this in sand?”

Mable peeked in. “What’s in there?”

“It’s an underground pyramid.” Grandpa explained. “I found this entrance years ago. I was eager to show this to you.”

I felt sorry for him. He really was the best gramps after all.

“Hey Nate look inside!” Mabel said as she got up.

I knelt down and peeked in. it was pitch black in there.

“Careful son.” Gramps said.

“Yeah, if you fall in the mummies will get you.” Mabel added.

Before I could get up my hands slipped, I couldn’t believe what happened.

With a cry of horror, I fell into the deep black hole.

My whole body ached. My head was throbbing with pain, I tried to get up, but my body wouldn’t move. My lunges ached when I breathed. I could see a small light coming from somewhere above me.

I don’t know how long I stayed that way. Finally I mange dot move my limbs once again.

Slowly I got up. Still my head and body hurt, but I had to get out of here. If this was a pyramid, it could have booby traps and mummies.

I couldn’t see a thing, everything was black. “Help!” I cried.

“Nate! Are you OK?” I voice from above answered my pledge, it sounded like Mabel.

“Help!” I repeated.

“Stay where you are son.” Gramps shouted.

Of course, I’ll stay where I am, how can I move if I couldn’t see a thing?

I waited for ages, but no help came. “Help me!”

No answer. 

I rubbed my right arm it hurts a lot.

I felt a cold hand on my shoulder, “grandpa?” I asked.

I heard angry moans.

“Who’s there?” I asked as I whipped away the bony arm. “Who are you?”

There was no answer; a dreadful thought invaded my mind. Was it a mummy?

“Help!” I shouted as I looked at the entrance above me. “I’m in trouble!”

The moans grew louder, the mummy was getting closer, “Please leave me alone!”

Without even knowing where I was heading to I ran, but my limbs were worn out, I trampled and fell down.

I felt a foul smell advancing by the second, the mummy was here! I’m doomed!

Two bony and moldy hands grabbed me and shook me hard,’

I was too shocked to speak I closed my eyes tightly.

I felt another pair of arms grabbing me by the shoulders; I didn’t dare to open my eyes.

I felt I was being lifted upwards. Was I dead?

Soon I felt warmth, and I felt light falling on my face.

Slowly I opened my eyes, a beautiful girl was staring at me, it was Mabel!

“Mabel!” I cried as I got up.

“Are you OK?” She asked in a worried way. “Are you hurt?”

“My bones and muscles hurt, but I’m fine.” I managed to say.

“Mabel I saw a mummy, I mean I was grabbed by a mummy!”

Grandpa laughed. “It was me who grabbed you son,”

I shook my head. “No before that, I thought I was going to die and….”

“You had a great fall doofus; I bet your minds all screwed up.” Mabel said as she helped me up.

Maybe she was right maybe it was my imagination. ‘

“Let’s go home.” Grandpa said softly. “You need to get some rest.”

“So much for getting to see a pyramid.” Mabel muttered, but she looked kind of glad to see me alive.

All what happened was a bad dream I told myself as we headed to grandpa’s home. But I went white when I saw what was sticking on my shirt, a piece of old white bandage!

“Mabel look as this!” I said showing her the bandage.

“Yuck! What is that?” she asked as she wrinkled her nose.

“It’s from the mummy!” I shouted. “It must have come off when it grabbed me.

“Nate, as told you before I grabbed you.” Gramps said in a tried out tone.

I got angry, it was a mummy, the foul smell and moans, it just had to be one.

“Then what is this?” I asked as I handed him the bandage.

He stared at it for a while, and then his eyes widened. “My goodness, this is from a mummy!”

“How do you know that?” Mabel asked.

Gramps remained silent for while, then he spoke up. “I was an archeologist; I was a very popular guy. But I believed that there were mummies who were actually alive.”

We were both staring at him. Our gramps was an archeologist? Could this be true?

He stopped the jeep. “That pyramid I showed you was one of my greatest discoveries, but I was too scared to show it to the others.”

“Gramps you were right, there really are mummies who are alive.”

“Undead.” Mabel muttered.

His pale eyes brightened up “Are you sure my lad?”

“Yeah,” I replied as I rubbed my aching arms.

“Then we have go in there!”

“Whoa, what!” Mabel almost jumped off her seat. “I’m not coming!”

“You’re a chicken.” I teased. “But seriously, that place looks dangerous.”

“Are you two helping me or not?”

“If mom and dad find out…”I started.

“They won’t. Besides, you kids wanted to see a pyramid.”

“But grandpa it’s too dark in there, and there must be a lot of booby traps.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Gramps smiled. “I know all about them.”

Mabel looked at me. “Are you felling ok? I thought the fall hurt you.”

I shook my head. “I’m feeling better than ever.”

She sighed. “Fine! Let’s go in there.”

Ok, I was pretty scared to go in there again. But what if we discover a mummy! That would be awesome.

Grandpa took out an old bag from his jeep.

‘What’s in this thing?” Mabel asked.

“Things that we’ll need to find the mummy.” He replied as he took out a few flashlights and handed them to us.

“Wow they are heavy.” I said.

He nodded. “They are very powerful.”

“So is there anything else in there?” Mabel asked grumpily.

“Yeah, I have an ancient map of this place; please don’t ask how I found it.” He muttered.

Then he took out a huge rope, “This will do the trick.”

Grandpa fixed the rope to the jeep and put the other end into the hole.

“Are you sure about this, if we fall into trouble, there will be no one to save us.” Mabel said in a worried way.

Gramps laughed. “Don’t worry lass, nothing will go wrong.”

I Grinned. “I fell down from here, nothing happened to me.”

She stuck out her tongue. “That’s because you don’t have a brain to get damaged.”

Before I could say something grandpa clapped his hands. “I’ll go first, and then you kids can come down.”

We nodded. “OK, but be careful.”

He disappeared into the hole.

Several minutes later we heard his voice; “Kids I got to the bottom!”

“OK Grandpa!” I shouted. “Mabel do you want to go next?”

She shook her head. “No way doofus, you go on.”

I smiled. “Chicken!”

She swept her black hair and smirked. “A few minutes ago you should have seen yourself!”

I ignored her and grabbed the rope to climb down.

Climbing down was much better than falling down, I saw grandpa at the base. “Come on Nate you’re almost there.”

I kept my feet on the ground, “I made it!”

“Nate! I’ll stay up here.” Mabel cried. “Just in case you get in trouble.”

“Chicken!” I shouted.

“It’s ok, let her stay.” Grandpa said as he lit up another flashlight.

Together we went to explore the pyramid.

It was basically like a horror movie, I mean we were walking slowly hoping to see a dreadful mummy hidden somewhere.

“Nate look at this place, it’s more than a thousand years old.”

I looked around. “Yeah, it looks so.”

We found a chamber at the far end of the pyramid. “What’s in there?” I asked.

Gramps shrugged. “Don’t know, shall we go in?”

I remembered the horrible mummy’s moans. “Uh…”

“Don’t worry I’ll go in. you stay here.” He said as he went in. I was too scared to go in. so I stayed bt the entrance.

Grandpa disappeared into the chamber. I waited.

Suddenly my cell phone rang; it was Mabel.

“Hello!” I answered.

“Hey. What’s going on in there?” She asked. Her voice wasn’t clear.

“I can’t hear her properly…” the connection broke. I hope she’s ok.

There was no sign of grandpa, “Grandpa! What are you doing in there?”

I heard muffled cries. “Um….are you ok?”

There was no answer.

“Grandpa! Answer me!”

Slowly I peeked into the entrance; the image I saw froze me. MY grandfather was struggling to release from a powerful grasp of a MUMMY!

I knew there were evil mummies in here. Wait! How am I going to save my grandpa? I could get out, but I have to save him.

I did a very stupid thing, I took a stone and threw it towards the mummy and it hit it in the head.

Angrily it turned around; through the bandaged head, I saw two menacing eyes and a wide mouth.

I’m doomed!

“Run Nate…” Grandpa moaned.

“I’m not leaving you!” I shouted. Angrily the mummy walked towards me. He was still holding gramps.

“Please….” He puffed.

What should I do? I can’t leave him, but I can’t stay either, then I had a great….wait! A rather stupid idea.

I ran to grab the rope, once I did so I tied it around me, and then ran towards the mummy; it was moaning angrily.

Fear, you are not going to stop me! I told myself.

I held onto grandpa. “PULL US UP!” I shouted. I hope Mabel heard us.

But how cold she pull us up? This was a stupid idea. The mummy grabbed me too. Ok this is the end. I told myself.

To my surprise, we were lifted instantly, “How?”

The mummy tried to hold onto us, but his grasp loosened, I held grandpa tightly.

I heard angry moans as we reached the hole.

Once we got out of it, Mabel came running towards us. “You two scared us to death!”

I smiled. Grandpa was white with fear. “Nate was right; there really was a mummy in there.”

Mable shrieked and pointed her finger towards the rope around my waist, two mummy arms were there!

“ Ahhh!” I shouted as I threw them onto the ground. They were still moving!

“Are those mummy hands?” Mabel asked in a shocked way.

Forgetting his fears grandpa grabbed and put them into a bag. “Well well,”

“What are you going to do to them?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I’ll think of something.”

An angry moan came from the hole.

“Let’s get out of here.” Grandpa said in a hurry.

The three of us got into the jeep and zoomed off.

On our way, I asked Mabel a question. “How did you pull us up?”

“I started the car and went forward, awesome huh?”

I smiled. But you are a chicken.”

She grinned. “Thanks to the chicken you are still alive.”

So that’s how I had this weird adventure with my weird grandpa, oh and you might be wondering what grandpa did with those hands.

He sold them to the museum and got a lot of money, and he won various prizes and all, but none of us ever found that weird underground pyramid again.

Oh well, who cares about it now. We all are quite rich thanks to that mummy hands.

The end.

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5 Reviews

Points: 365
Reviews: 5

Mon Jan 11, 2016 6:03 am
IndianAtHeart wrote a review...

Wow, very intriguing and though provoking. The first paragraph was a bit puxxling, i head to read a couple sentences over a couple of times to get the jist of what you were trying to say, but if that's what you meant to do just roll with it if not, try reading it aloud or over again and see how you can make it flow better. The correlation to the sentences was done well also. I love the point you are making too. It's well thought out, give people something to think about. Often times a character in a story loses people, lots of people, and things they care about. But since most times cool things happen in those series of events and the story ends on a happy note we want to be them, we dream of it. But when you really think about being Harry Potter or Hermione Granger, Harry lost his parents, his godfather and so many around him that he loved died. Hermione made her parents forget about her. Sure being a witch or wizard in that Harry Potter World would be freaking amazing would we really choose it when we think about all we have lost? Probably not. Thanks for the insight. Very wells done.

writerkitty says...

Thank you, I'll work on that!

User avatar
396 Reviews

Points: 27
Reviews: 396

Sun Jan 10, 2016 7:18 pm
Pompadour wrote a review...

Hey, Writer! Pomp here for a quick review. It's late, so I apologise if I come off as incoherent in any way.

Welcome to YWS!

Spoiler! :
Before I begin, this is just to let you know that I edited the all-caps out of the story's title--all-caps are generally seen as shouting on the interwebs and can be annoying for some people to read. I didn't touch anything else, though, so it's all good!

I noticed that this piece is very dialogue-heavy, and that makes the reader's experience of the world you're describing very lacklustre and empty. Dialogue is good, certainly, but prose seeks to achieve a balance between dialogue, description, and all the other tools of portrayal like characterisation and plot. Don't rush us through the story; spend some time to linger on the scene, incorporate some sensory detail, etc. The three lines at the beginning are the most setting-related description you have, and I want more. You mention that they explored the pyramid--what did the inside of it look like? I'm curious. I want to know. It's your job as the writer to fill in the gaps.

The rapid-fire dialogue also verges on becoming a statistic in the ever-bemoaned talking heads department. Work on it, please. ^.^

I liked how you brought the mummy into the mix, and how the MC thought her grandfather was the mummy--it's an interesting play on how fear leads you into believing certain things, but there's still that question that the reader is asking at the end: Was the mummy actually a mummy, despite Grandpa's insistence that it wasn't?

I did not enjoy the story as much as I would have had I had more of a connection with the main character. I didn't get to know either of the characters all that well, although I would have liked to. Basically, this just needs levelling out, and spreading out: Spend some time on character-reflection, bring in their thoughts, etc. when you re-write + pay a bit more attention to description and creating at atmosphere for the reader.

Keep writing! Keep up the good work! I hope this helped.

PM me if you have any questions.

~Pomp c:

writerkitty says...

Thank you very much! I really appreciate all the tips and help.
I'll try to fix my errors, and add more descriptions!

Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.
— Lemony Snicket