Published February 9, 2007
Okay, so this idea just came to me and it's probably horrible, but I wanted to see what ya'll thought. Critiques are welcome, no matter how painful they are.
Verse 1
Unblimished, untouched
Still in her perfect form.
She dreams of the day
When someone will say,
“You’re mine to hold.”
But everyone passes her by
Never noticing her longing
And she replies
Chorus
Oh, I’ve never been kissed
Never been kissed
Don’t you see?
I’ve never had someone just to hold me.
Never been kissed
Never been kissed
Don’t you see?
That I can’t wait!
Can’t wait for my first love.
Verse 2
No one asks
No one inquires
She gets overlooked again
And she wonders
If it will ever be her turn
To long,
To hold
To kiss
Chorus
Verse 3
The “popular girls”
Have all the guys
Her friends have one as well
She wonders what it would belike
To have someone there
Who cares
Chorus
Verse 4
Prince charming from her farytale books
Jasmine, Sleeping Beauty
Snow White and the Seven Drawfs
Beauty and the beast and Tinker Bell
Cinderella at the ball…
Could this happen to her too?
Chorus
Verse 5
Oh I just cain’t wait for him!
Wait for his loving touch.
Wait for his soft lips.
Wait for those hidden kisses.
Oh, those kisses!
Chorus
Oh I can’t wait.
I can’t wait!
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140,133 Literary Works • 673,031 Reviews
It was a little cliche but you clearly have talent for writing because it was really well writing.
Poetry and lyrics, I think can often be very similar but I think there is often a fine line between them. I couldn't really feel a line between this a poetry.
Still it was very good (:
I'm not good at critiquing lyrics unless I have the music, so I wouldn't have left a comment if this didn't sound like me and my school. Sad but true.
Good song! (Was cliche though)
Thank you. SOrry. I haven't checked my work in a while. It was kind of something I just did on a whim. I hadn't really thought about doing anything with it...but thanks. It does help.
First there is no such word as unblimished... It's unblemished. I think that this will be better split up Never noticing-- her longing. I see what your trying to get here, but it seems to light for what your trying to say "But everyone passes her by" Try find better verb than passes.
Why does pattern change in each verse. Thier is no stable pattern.I don't like verse two mainly because suddenly pattern changes and it's a few questions.
Verse three first thing "popular" come on you can think of better one. Also this part of verse "Her friends have one as well" would sound better by saying all her friends have one or you could scrap that line and start again.
This is cliche. Alot of verse 4 point your trying to get across could be done in one line and make this verse better "When will she get her happily ever after".
Verse five say wait too much.
Hope this helped.
Hi I really liked your song. It was very good.
Keep writing.
Me neither!
I dislike the use of "popular girls" as well, but I'm not sure what you could replace it with. And you spelled "Unblemished" wrong. Other than that, it's amazing.
The only thing that upsets me about this song is that it uses the term "popular girls".
Popular:Pronunciation: \ˈpä-pyə-lər\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin popularis, from populus the people, a people
Date: 1548
commonly liked or approved <a very popular girl>
If you are saying that these people are liked then by all means, keep writing, but if you mean that they love to stomp on people and are difficult then well...I may have to criticize you.
P.S. I've never been kissed either