Poem

I love poems about poetry, and I liked this very much:)


"The Poet's hand quivers-
With thoughts on edge of pen,
The world upon their shoulders-
And races to begin. Perfect beginning. I love it
They fling words onto a page For some reason, I don't really like the word 'fling' in this line... but don't feel the need to change it, if you don't want.
Before the thought will end.
Perspiration lay upon the brow- This line has one too many syllables for your rhythm. I rather think you could cut out 'lay' completely.
A question, that will not end. I think it would improve the rhythm to change 'will not' to 'won't and get rid of that extra syllable
Wisdom feels the page-
None which they knew before,
Something pushes them on- I think this line needs another syllable. Maybe make it "pushes them onward?
And they pay no thought to verse.
Invisible drops of blood fall-
Their soul written into prose; I don't really understand why you say 'written into prose'. Isn't this supposed to be about writing a poem? Maybe I'm missing something...
The pen drops down-
Now; begins the poem....." You're ending could not be better, except I don't see the purpose of the semi-colon. I'd get rid of it


Good job!


*adna*

writeholic wrote:Poem

The Poets hand quivers-
With thoughts on edge of pen
The world upon their shoulders-
And races to begin.
Beautiful intro. I know the feeling!
They fling words onto a page
Before the thought will end.
Perspiration lay upon the brow-
A question, that will not end.
Nice imagery and well done with capturing the writing process.
Wisdom feels the page-
None which they knew before,
Something pushes them on-
And they pay no thought to verse.
Invisible drops of blood fall-
Their soul written into prose;
The pen drops down-
Now; begins the poem.....
Nice ending!

Overall I liked it. There were a couple of grammatical errors, such as in the first line, it should be Poet's, not Poets. I likedd the imagery. and the language of the poem, it was pretty freakin' sweet!

My favorite part:

Something pushes them on-

And they pay no thought to verse.

Invisible drops of blood fall-

Their soul written into prose;

The pen drops down-

Now; begins the poem.....

All I have to say is "WOW" intense stuff. It fit together well, and I was just over all amazed by it.

PM me when you make a new poem!-Curly

I'm not really a poet myself but I love the way you've captured the feeling that you just have to write, like there's something you have to say, a story you have to tell or whatever and you just need to get it down onto the page. I'm also inclined to agree with the suggestion about altering the title to "Poet" or perhaps "The Poet" but it's just a thought.

Invisible drops of blood fall-
Their soul written into prose

Yes I though this was a really good poem as well. Great writing a poem about writing a poem

Could I suggest you change the title to 'Poet' instead of 'Poem'? Makes more sense I believe.


My one suggestion to improve it:

They fling words onto a page

Hello, I'm Brooke. I saw that you are fairly new so I though that I would introduce myself. This poem was very good. It was enjoyable to read. I like the concept of the poem; a poet writing a poem about how poets write poems. Genius.

I thought I saw a little bit of errors like this:

writeholic wrote:
The Poets hand quivers-
With thoughts on edge of pen